My mom died of cancer and my dad is dating

Tips for When Your Widowed Parent Begins to Date

Maybe your dad is missing having that done for him as much as he misses the companionship of a woman. I know this all too well. My father passed, GOD rest his soul in My mother started dating 3 months after. One of her old boyfriends contacted her and it started from there. She did it not to be lonely. My parents were married for 32 years. I didn't agree with it and both guys wanted her for what she can do monetarily. I believe the last boyfriend she had stressed her to the point where she passed also. She passed 6 months ago. It's good that you are being supportive.

I was too but deep down inside all I can remember is the many years she woke up and went to bed with my dad. My mom died almost a year ago on June 9th. She had been sick for 5 years and my dad was her main caregiver. However, I have felt that my dad just jumped right into a relationship, and didn't really grieve my mom. He is so happy though. She is financially set, so that isn't a worry. The problem for me is that I am jealous that my mom isn't still here. I like his new lady, but wish that it was my mom who was getting to go on the cruises and trips. She is great with the grandkids, but it should be my mom instead of her.

I have been outwardly supportive of my dads decisions, I feel like he should be enjoying life and If Mary makes him happy, then I am happy for him. But I am sad that it's not my mom instead- but she is dead. I also think that we have more than one soulmate, and maybe my dad was lucky enough to find another one. My advice to you is to be open minded and get to know any "lady friend" of his so you can screen her!

In the long run, he deserves to be happy and truth be told, most people don't want to be alone. The way I am looking at it is I may gain a good friend with Mary and if nothing else, my dad is happy. It is really hard though cause I feel like my mom got shafted with her disease. Anyway, it's okay to be wary, but your dad probably just wants to enjoy the rest of his life, and our mom's aren't coming back. In my eyes it's better to support and be active, than to alienate and lose him too.

I'm so sorry you lost your mom. Sign Up or Sign In. All Discussions My Discussions Add. Father "dating" 71 days after Mom passed Posted by Shauna on May 22, at 8: They did two chemo treatments and her kidneys were unable to handle anymore. She died on March 9th. She was an otherwise very healthy woman. I am only 30 years old and my sister is only My Dad turned 51 in February. We are, in my opinion, far too young to be going through this. This has just happened to me I am bereft. If you read this could you message me in the hope that we can help each other? I realise it is a long time ago for you.

I feel exactly as you have written. I do hope you have found some peace? I am in the same situation, I am the oldest of 5 children, the other 4 have diffrent views but basically they dont want to piss daddy off because they might get the treatment I am getting. On March 27 my father asked what my problem was and I told him, I was hysterical oh and by the way he came to my office.

I totally understand both of you. I lost my mother to illness a year ago and my father started dating just 3 months after she passed. It was and is extremely hard to cope with. My father has now moved in with his girlfriend and lives in her house. He now expects me, his daughter to participate in holidays there. I am just not comfortable with that nor will I ever be. The only people that truly understand us are people that have experienced this like us.

I agree that we just feel the way we feel. Which I am sure hurts him but I am hurting too. I am in the same exact boat. My mom died Nov. They talk on the phone often and I believe he gave her a really nice Christmas gift! Although, I support him having a new life with a new lady friend, but not this soon. The friend has been a widow for a year, so it seems like she was waiting on my Mom to die. Since my mother died, this is the first time she had attended one of our family gatherings.

I was polite to her and to my dad. I decided that I would invite them to go with us…I really struggled with this…. She reciprocated the invitation through my Dad a week or so later to spend an evening out …. But from your comments, I believe we each feel pretty much the same. Dear Susan Musselwhite, I hear you and I get it. My dad died 18 months ago and Mum has just joined a dating agency.

But the way that she did it was deceitful. The way she broke the news to me shocking, although I put two and two together before she actually told me. My take on it is this: Get on with it if it will make you happy. From being a very close knit family to being estranged is quite something. I see it like this. If I become estranged when she move on, it will be easier to deal with the death of that parent as we have already parted in the living years.

He was very sick for a long time before he died with cancer. Good luck and goodbye Mother Dear! The obligation I had to keep her entertained and out and about which was every weekend without fail although I have my own family is now over! I choose to see it in a positive light. All I can say is I am so glad that I came across this website. I lost my mother almost a year ago Feb. I was completely taken aback mostly because my mom told him repeatedly how she felt if he were to do such a thing.

At the time I told him I thought it was too soon, but he kept going on about time and would it make a difference if it were a year or two. I feel that he is not in the right frame of mind right now to even be thinking about a relationship. We not only lost my mom this year, but we lost my grandma his mother , my brother in law, and my aunt his sister. Not to mention a cancer scare for him and other illnesses that have had him hospitalized.

I feel that he needs to take time and adjust to his new life before he brings someone else into it. I had a big talk with him over the holidays and told him how I felt. I live in a different city than my dad, so I think it hit home for him when he could see how physically upset I was. From what he tells me she has helped him through a difficult time and how can I be happy knowing that he is not. As someone stated below, I too feel as if it is never going to get better.

My mother died in Aug. He said just for companionship and a friend. Then I just found out after only 4 weeks of dating he went and bought a new queen bed for her so she could sleep comforable with my dad. I just met her last night in the hospital as he is waiting to see what is wrong with his heart. In front of me he found it necessary to call her angel, and feels he should talk mushie to her when I am around. My stomach was sick the whole hour I was there and when I left I cried for a long time. I love my dad but this is not fitting well with me, as he never once called my Mom angel or anything like that.

They were married for 52 years. How do I cope with this? Perhaps the longer the marriage, the greater their need to have another companion — someone to soothe their hurt. It appears to me that your dad has been extremely lonely since your mom passed and he feels this woman has given him life again. It also seems that he loves, respects, and wants your approval in the biggest way.

He wants you to see what happiness this woman has brought him and he feels if you witness this, you will share in his happiness. This has got to be very tough for you. When he is back to health, you should share your feelings with him and let him know how you feel — nothing may change but at least you can open the lines of communication with him and perhaps he can share some of his deepest hurts and feelings with you at the loss of his wife and your mother. And perhaps he will be aware of his insensitivity to you in addressing this lady by calling her Angel, etc. One thing is for sure, just as our parents could never select our friends or mates in life — we neither can select theirs.

He may try to replace your mother in his life with another…but after that many years of marriage, he will never be able to. He may be able to fulfill some of the emptiness he has felt and may feel he at least has a purpose to continue his life. In time, you will learn to work around it and not let it absorb you and suck you up. I really feel your pain. I lost my mother in July after a very long illness.

My father started seeing a woman shortly after Thanksgiving. Not only was he seeing this woman, but he was lying about it until I found out in the worst possible way on Christmas Eve. Now, he is practically living with her. My parents were together for 40 years. I was close to both of my parents. My father died unexpectedly the day after Christmas He was married to my mom for 52 years. My mom will not let us help her with anything, but rather wants to call all the male friends my dad had to help her. It seems more like she is having a party instead of respecting my fathers memory.

We loved my father very very much. Since my father was near death almost 3 years ago, I feel my mother was and is jealous of the attention we gave my father. I do love my mother and it hurts me and my sister when she says she would rather have dads buddies or the neightbors come to help her instead of having us over.

It is so good to know that I am not the only daughter dealing with these feelings. My Mom died December 7, after a 4 year fight with bone cancer. My parents had been married 50 yrs. One week after my mother passed a women that was a member at the same club as my parents contacted my dad to send her condolences, saying she had just found out about my mom.

She also tried to tell me that her and my mom were friends yet I know my mom did not care for her, and if thats a friend who needs enemies. Two days later she arrived with baked goods for my dad. When I tried to worn him about her, he said she was just a friend.

Different emotions:

She calls him 3 -4 times a day wanting to know what he is doing or where he was. She has tried to talk to me on the phone, but I have nothing to say to her because I do not like what she has done. I feel she is trying to push a wedge between my father and his family. I have found out that because of her, old friends of my parents who also know this women will not talk to my father because they have never like her.

When I tried to talk with him 4 weeks after my mom passed, he informed me that he is 73 yrs. I also go everynight after work and cook dinner. She calls telling my dad all about her medical problems which is breast cancer after my mother battled bone cancer. I feel this women is just looking to have someone take care of her and support her, and that she is hoping to move into my parents house. The only peace I have is that she will have to answer to God and probably my mother in the end.

Hi Lisa, I am in a very similiar situation. After speaking with a few family members, I found out that my mom did not like this cousin. She was after my father for 40 years! I could really use some good advice on how to deal with all this. Hi I thought you guys might want to hear from someone who happens to be the mans girlfriend.

I have been dating a man who lost his wife to cancer and let me tell you I feel like I have committed a major crime for dating this man so soon after his wife died. All we want is to be happy and I definately do not want to replace the much older kids mom. I have no desire to be alone and lonely in my older years and neither does he. I know it is now, and I too have lost my mother and have a 76 year old father who was comforted by a lady 10 years older than I and 10 younger than he, but no one can really understand the pain that comes in seeing your father with another woman after 55 years of marriage.

Does that seem like the kind of relationship that would make anyone feel good about stepping in the picture? Would I ever want to come between a father and daughter for the sake of my own needs or excuses that I make this man happy? The answers are NO. I could never come into a situation with the full support of the grown kids. I could never look myself in the mirror and feel good about it as a woman, a mother or person. To me that is the ultimate low in character.

I have basically lost my mother, father and sister who is too afraid to stand up to dad and have no parents. What does this new lady have?

Father "dating" 71 days after Mom passed

That is what mom wanted and he has failed miserably in the 6 months since her death. I guess I thought dad would finally take some time to get to know me, the grandkids and spend time doing things he did not do all the time we grew up. He always worked or had something to do. I never got to really have my father to myself growing up and even more now. So Girlfriend, I guess no one can have any sympathy for you or take your message and somehow change the way we really feel because you need to have a companion in your old age.

Shame on you to the end of time. This is all about you not wanting to be alone, because he did not have enough time to understand his grief nor did any of the other family members. When two people are together for along period of time and one passes the other is not use to being alone. I personally feel that people should have enough respect for others to let the family grieve without bringing a new situtation into the mix.

Changing Family Dynamics:

What people in your situtation need to realize it is not all about you, there are children, grandchildren, in-laws. Yes, he is lonely and yes, you are lonely and yes, you both deserve not to be lonely. She was an exceptional cook, kept a spotless house, and was his best friend. Again, the problem is that it happened too soon — no time for him to grieve properly or me.

If your dating this man is just that — going to dinner, catching a movie, and someone to confide in…. This website is great. My parents were married for 26 years. My momma lost a long battle with lung cancer, and her death hit me the hardest in the family. Her and I were so close. I pretty much had a break down.

I attemped suicide several times, and quit caring anout myself. She just seems like she tries too hard. Who are all about my age. He tells me not to bring my mom up in front of her. And this is so offensive.

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He should worry about his own 20 year old daughter, not her kids. I feel horrible about the situation. I guess I just need to keep asking God for his help. Wow…I really feel your pain. What I would do is to call your dad and tell him you would like to sit down and talk to him alone. Maybe you could try to get to know her and her children. We each have our own stories deep inside our hearts. Concentrate on trying to get to know them and let them see you as the person you are….. Try to be upbeat when you are around them. Sometimes it is very hard to be upbeat when you feel such dispair but give it your best shot.

You and your dad need to talk — ask him to tell you how he is feeling too since he lost your mom. Try not to show anger toward your dad but approach him with kindness. Always remember, what you give out is what you get back! I would like for someone to tell me when its ok to date after a spouse dealth. When a spouse leave this earth what is the widow or widower is suppose to do with the remaining of their life. Are they just suppose to just live their life around their kids and other relatives without a mate. While their kids and other relatives have mates and continue on with their lifes.

Can so one please explain this to me. I understand that the lose of a mother or father is painful. I lost my father. However I was not angry with my mother whenshe start dating. However that does not mean the living spouse is to stop their life. You have to remeber they are human. Everyone needs some type of companionship. So why are people so angry when your mother or father wants to continue their life.

Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories and opinions. It really helps me try and understand my situation. I think it really depends on the spouse and family and friends of the deceased. My father passed away in the spring of after being married to my mom for 40 years. Now, almost 4 months later they are still together. My sisters and I are not comfortable with this because it has become quite serious and it has also changed her personality.

We have tried talking to her about it and voiced our concerns. She said that she values our opinions but beyond that nothing much was done. The lack of consideration for our feelings is slowly breaking up our relationship with her. I truly want her to be happy and have tried step back and look at the situation from an outsiders perspective but I am having great difficulty.

They should talk with them and truly take their feelings into account. I guess I have it wrong Anna, I thought its was about what made my mom happy. Because she is human. Which my mom and her friend did say he was not there trying to replace my dad. I lost my mother to cancer in November, my father enrolled in one of thoes dating web sites in December.

Its April now and my dad has a new girlfriend he wants me to meet……wow. I put him off saying how about a rain check. I mean moms been gone for 5 months now and I have to meet the new misses?

Stop tracking this discussion

my mom passed away from cancer at age 52 in late April she was my best friend and it was an awful couple of years seeing her hurting. My mother died after a two-year battle with cancer. Her palliative care nurse (for much of that time) helped me wash and dress her body, and.

I think he got mad at me for not jumping at the chance to meet her. Ive never really been close with my father and this seems to be driving more of a wedge between us. Its like its no longer convient for him to do that. You are correct your dad should not force his new girlfriend on you at this time it is to early. Just tell your dad you are not ready for that right now and you understand his needs.

Also if his new girlfriend is a true freind she would understand also. My mom just passed away 1 month ago this Aprilat the age of She struggled with cancer for over 2 years. I held her hand while she took her last few breaths. It was truly the hardest thing I ever had to do. The way her throat was moving up and down struggling for air.

Watching her stop breathing for 10 seconds and all of us thinking she was gone and all of a tsudden take a breath. I dream about and think about it constantly and it was very traumatizing to me. To make it worse my Dad moved 7 hours from all of us kids and we havent heard from him very often. I talked to him last night and he lets me know that he is already seeing someone. All he talked about was this womans body and how she works out everyday and she is model material.

He talked about how she was the kind of person that back in the day he would normally rip her clothes off. I never heard my Dad talk about my mother that way …not the nasty remarks but simply talk about her beauty. And moving so far away. I understand him wanting to sell the house because mom died in it…but to move so far away! It feels like he is abandoning us! We kids need him. We just lost our mom , now we feel like we are losing him too! I feel like he is being selfish. I think that he is more worried about himself than us kids.

Which I know that we are old enough to take care of ourselves but I feel that we need to be together right now. Its like mom was the glue that held the family together and now that shes gone…. And how dare him talk to me like this about the other woman. Like I really want to hear that crap!!!!!!! Someone help me with this. People deserve to be happy but that does not mean they should forget their children. My dad does not spend Christmas or Christmas Eve with his family. Eight months after my mother died my dad gave a woman a diamond.

And they got married one year after my mother passed away. My parents were married 60 years. I am so glad to have found this website. My dad died of cancer lung and colon November He was diagnosed last year March and just quickly got worse even started losing his memory walking around the house tearing curtains down we even had to hide his car keys he wanted to go to work.

He was a workaholic. He pretty much worked up until he died. My dad dedicated his life to taking care of our family. We were not rich but we did not want for much. For much of my mothers life she did not have to work just take care of the family. This is why is pains me to see my mother move on so soon 5 months later. I have a right to my opinion. Another website I just left everyone was telling me to grow up, stop being selfish and thats her personnel affair. The crazy part is they all had both parents in their lives. Thats why i was so surprised and relieved to find people to talk to that can actually relate.

Did she ever stop to consider my feelings as well. I take peoples feelings into consideration in any situation a lot of times before my own. Im a good mother a little over protective but i mean well and they know it and love me regardless. I just want to thank everyone for their postings.

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It really helps alot. In March, a recent widow called my dad and made contact. We had to ask my dad if he could fit us into his schedule because they are soooo busy doing stuff. She is making herself at home. They only spend week-ends together and during the week they are at their respective homes but she is now entitled to his pension. She is needy and always in our face. Maybe they suit each other if they are that mixed up!

Today, they went shopping for a bed. Save me the details.. My mom passed in Jan. A recent widow called my dad in March.. Is it possible these people are sometimes looking for financial gain? Loves his convertible and said to my sister that she wanted to take it to go see her daughter…… Ahh, can you imagine. My mother passed away about 3 years ago. A little less then a year after my mother passed away my father went on a buiness trip and found himself a girl freind.

My mother died from Leukemia in , a year later I was shocked to find out my father was dating so soon. The woman who he choose to date knew the family and was not liked by mother. This felt like my father was purposely hurting my mother and myself along with my brother. This lead to many confrontations between the woman, my father, and myself. Many hurtful things were said between my father and myself where we stopped talking and strained our relationship. When my father finally broke up with this woman, we begun to work on talking again slowly. He then began dating another woman, who I am not completely comfortable with but have learned after experiencing the loss of my spouse in , that what my father said about loving my mother no matter what and that even though he choose to date again he would love my mother no matter what and would do anything to be with her again.

When I first heard this from my father I thought there is no way you love her or even did if you are replacing her. Now that I find myself in a situation where my husband passed away suddenly in his sleep leaving me to take care of our 2 yr. I have gone through the grief process from both sides. I miss my husband with all of my heart and would do anything to have our life back and the way it used to be.

I will love him forever and no one will take his place. He was the best father and husband I could ask for. Yet he would not want me to stop living, and he would not want for me to be unhappy. That is why I am able to see what my father meant by I can be dating someone and still love your mom and miss her. Because I find myself in the same situation. I am now dating a wonderful man and find myself missing my husband.

I can love my life I had and respect that I need companionship and passion in my new life. I miss my husband everyday and would love for my son to be able to grow up with his father, but I know my husband would want for my son to grow up with a happy mother. So I concentrate on making myself and my son happy for right now. After reading your post I felt like we were kindred sisters! It was really rough, my mother actually talked to me about it days before her death-telling me to not be angry because dad was involved with this woman, that he would need someone when she was gone and that it was okay.

In my case it turned out not so okay. What a huge insight on your part, death has made you more understanding and aware, not less. I wish you great success in love, motherhood, and life. Death is a hard and complicated thing. I feel that I am always comparing the difference in my grieving from these two very significant loses in my life.

From this I feel like I have been able to step back and gain some insight, and this insight has brought me some healing and clarity.

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I really feel your pain. It has been so hard for me to process his loss, my first born, my little man. But then I realized, the good die young, no wonder my MIL is 74 and keeps getting healthier. Also if his new girlfriend is a true freind she would understand also. I lost my dad at 14 because I was born 21 years after my oldest brother. And they got married one year after my mother passed away. Remember how much you cared whether your parents liked your high school boyfriend or girlfriend?

I am so sorry for your losses and the situation you have came upon. I wish you the best. It is almost like two deaths in one. My mom died in December , almost a year ago. My dad began dating a woman about 5 or 6 months later. I was appalled and shocked when he told me. He cried and acted all upset when he told me, asking for my understanding. I wish now I would have gone nuts on him and really screamed to him what and how I really felt. He is with the woman constantly.

He leaves work and goes straight to her house and is there until bedtime. I can never reach him on the phone in the evenings we live in two different towns. Anyway, I tried really hard, invited him, of course. He left immediately after we ate. It was like he was here to fulfill some sort of obligation or something. Then he started calling her on the cellphone. He left immediatly after we ate.

I agreed to meet this woman one time just for him. Besides, honestly, I wanted to see what she looked like. Shallow of me I know. She was so quiet and boring, nothing like my mom at all. My mom was vivacious and full of laughter and life. I am sure this woman was nervous, and really, she was nice enough. I actually kind of felt sorry for her. I really have no bad feelings for her, I am just hurt and mad at my dad for putting my family and me through this.

My daughter is a teenager, just learning about boys and relationships and THIS is the example she gets? Anyway, I am furious about this entire situation. I am sick to death of reading on all these grief websites that life goes on, no one is expected to spend their life alone, blah, blah, blah…. Read a book, watch a movie, a ballgame, get online, visit a friend or family member. It is more about the widower than it is about whatever woman they happen to be dating.

So that is the short version of my story. Does he not realize how incredibly hurtful this is to me? So I am basically stuck in this seething state of anger and resentment while also trying to deal with the grief of losing my mother. There are no words to describe the pain and emptiness I feel deep in the very pit of my being. How I struggle each and every day just to make it to bedtime and then get up and do it all over again, all while trying to be a good wife and mother.

Father "dating" 71 days after Mom passed - Online Grief Support - A Social Community

Sure, I want him to be happy, but does he really have to be so doggone thrilled and gleeful about it? Even if he broke up with this poor lady today, it will never take away the harm that it has already caused. So I guess that is the short version of my story. There is so much more, but no need to bore anyone with the details. Just more pain, more hurt, more sadness…I only hope I would never cause anyone the pain that this has caused me and my family. The ironic thing about this is, if heaven forbid, the lady he is dating now were to pass away, how long does SHE think it would be before he were dating a new one?

It really does feel like you lose your father once he starts dating again. I was angry for a long time and this strained my relationship with my dad. There are still times I am so angry at him for choosing his girlfriend, over his family. But for right now I am ok with at least being able to see my father periodically and trying. I sometimes try to step back and look at both sides. It took a long time for me to be able to do this, and I am not perfect at this. Because if he were to be gone tomarrow I would regret not trying.

Not giving him a chance. I am a 41 yr old widower, father of three kids, daughter 8 and twin 6 yr. I want to offer some perspective based on my experiences. The woman I married and loved did not even resemble the women who died after nearly five years of illness. Colon cancer is a terriblw way to die and I was with her every step of the way right up to the last moment of life.


The way they gravitate towards any woman friend or family memeber is deeply sad. My dad was her main caregiver for her for a few years until she became very ill and had many hospital visits and passed away at home. Her body was tiny, frail and just could not go on any longer.

Family Misunderstanding After a Death

She was released home from a nursing facility a little over a week before her death, so with her wishes to go home, it was where she really wanted to be. My brother, dad and I were pulled closer than ever before, enduring such deep pain of the sad last days. We knew that my mom wanted to be cremated, but did not want an official service, a funeral or a wake.

At the mortuary office, we discussed the plan to cremate my mom. We had not discussed this before, but my brother elected to for a visitation to see mom. My dad did not want to do this and stated this clearly to my brother. Out of no disrespect at all, he was sure he could not bear to see her again. I, however, was torn with my decision on whether I should or not. I let my brother know that I really did not know what to do, but since the visit to see mom was more than a week or so away, that I would carefully think about it and let him know very soon.

In the extremely upsetting few days, I told my brother that I would go, but I was very reluctant to see her in a very bad state, as she was so frail and that my last time I saw her, on my birthday, I could not bear to see her this way and she and I had a quiet, lovely last moments that I saw her alive. I relayed this to my brother. I did offer a note for him to read. We all met after the visitation. My brother and family were truly relieved that it was over and that they got to see her and video taped the words spoken to her, laid flowers with her.

This was a nice meeting with my family and we all shared our moments of grief along the next few weeks. I then started getting unanswered emails, texts and phone calls from my brother, and only my brother. He also did not call my dad and since then, my brother and family have even sold their home, moved and not told my dad about this. I also kept this secret. Recently, I could not bear the fact that almost 5 months have passed without any acknowledgment on how my brother was doing. Finally, I reached out to my niece.

My niece then proceeded to drop a huge bombshell on me. She said he thinks about this a lot. Also, the fact that I kept changing my mind and telling him that I was going to go and did not, it made him feel even worse. The other family members say that they are not blaming me, but asked that I try to see his perspective. I explained that I saw her last on my birthday and how my decision was never intended to hurt my family. I lost my best friend that day. There was never anything stated to me of how they really wanted me to be there, how hurt he was, etc.

In fact, we saw each other weeks after, without any spoken word and I did not get any feeling of resentment from my brother, nor from anyone else in his family. I am hurting so much and wonder if I should have gone. However, I stand by my decision as one of no intent to hurt, but more of a last moment seeing my mom.

It saddens me and I realize we all grieve differently. I want to write a letter to my brother and let him know that I am not a selfish person and feel confused and saddened. I do not see any current comments but I can relate to the feeling of being alone in grief it will be 2yrs in august that my 28 yr old son passed away his birthday is coming up june 30th he would of been After the first few months people started distancing theirselves from me except for one or 2 people. I lost 3 of my closest friends all in their 50s my bf right before my son died i feel like she would be here for me.

Thank god i have one person who invites me over or i would never get out. I do not know what I did to be left out i really tried to work my way through the first year of Jordans death without being a burden. Has anyone else gone through this after losing a child? And for all out there who are mourning the loss of someone they loved dearly im sorry.

My Mom just died unexpectedly after a surgery. She was only I only have my brother and obscur Aunts and Uncles offering to take my Moms place.. I told my family if you want a funeral, go for it. My son was just in the hospital a week before my Mom died. I told her she must be a mind reader to make such know it all statements. She hates her life, hated her parents, hates me.. I wish she died instead of my Mom.

But then I realized, the good die young, no wonder my MIL is 74 and keeps getting healthier. I believe you choose your heaven. Live for God, or self.. My Mom Chose God. I told her she treats everyone different based on looks and riches. She tried to profess sainthood, and never says sorry without being sarcastic, or blaming you for being sensitive. She calls me pathetic.. She has no repentance, and my Mom always repented. God bless her soul, and please help my MIL to wake up out of the darkness and treat others as she would be treated..

My dad died 13 years ago in a hospital. I heard him screaming. They amputated his leg, and he was having blood transfusions that removed his pain medicine.. It was like seeing a civil war scene.. He told me the morning she died that He God would be in front of her, and behind her. I thought he meant to keep her safe in the surgery, but now I think it was to escort her to heaven. To live is Christ, and to die is gain. And he even said, If a tree is cut down, the stump still seeks water and will once again shoot forth a branch. Jesus is the water we seek in death to make us grow again.

No more death, sickness, or crying when the Son of God returns. Have this hope, because there is no hope in this futile world. If this makes you sad, then your hope is in the world. Look up for hope. And faith is not real unless we work it out like a muscle.

God bless those who mourn. My story is too long to post but i will say i was abandoned too with many deaths and now i am alone and grieving everyday. My family were there, flew across the country, called etc… But within months it dwindled to nothing. My parents abandoned me long before my husband passed. Last February, he was admitted to ICU in a cancer center. They got in late Thursday evening and went with me to the hospital Friday a.

John was having a bone marrow biopsy. My father had to eat lunch, so we went to the cafeteria. As soon as he finished eating, he and my mother left. I got home after 8: Unfortunately, John took a turn for the worse last July. I renewed our wedding vows with him on his last night. My parents drove down again, but it was much the same. It was around lunch time, and my father told my mother to fix lunch. So, I tolerated them one more day, and thank God they left the next day.

My sister and her son were at my house along with my parents. They packed up their stuff. My parents showed up late, managed to suffer through the service, ate lunch and had my brother-in-law take them back to my house. They drove back home and never said a word to me. All three of our dogs passed within one month of each other after John passed.

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I just try to get by one minute, hour, day at a time. Thank you for letting me vent. I can certainly relate. My father died unexpectedly in Since then, our family has completely fell apart. Months and months of recovery. No offer to even bring a pizza by, or anything.

I have come to realize that just because people share the same DNA does not mean they are obligated to associate with each other. My family has a toxic relationship. God knows my heart. I have given it ALL to Him. He knows them better than I ever did. I would not welcome them in my home ever again. Again, your Mom said nothing. Respect yourself enough to refuse to allow people to be in your life and treat you worse than an animal…. My Mom said in a conversation she started and had asked my opinion on something, and I gently told her what I thought.

That did it, that was the last straw. No, somebody like her does NOT need somebody like me for anything anymore. Even Jesus Christ knew when to knock the dust off his shoes, and leave people to their own devices. It took me 3 years of hard work and letting go to get to this point…family was always so important to me and now that they have shown their true colors, I no longer feel obligated to include them in my life. And I tried and tried, gave and gave, and finally gave up. One way relationships are just that: So I took the road away from them. Family gone well, gone after they got what they were bequeathed and not one ounce of checking in on me or helping me.

Just unsolicited advice and give me this and that and silence. I hope you reach a place where you are at some sort of peace with letting go of this toxic familial relationship. I send you love. Wow, so much loss, I am so sorry and my heart hurts along with yours. Please know that you are cared for and loved by people you have never met, such as myself.

Day by day just do the best you can and I hope new situations and people will appear in your life to give you comfort. Hang in there, you have come to the right place to express yourself and we all love and help each other as best we can. They expect it to take months?

They give you less than a month to work through a homicide, then start in with the conspiracy-theory crap not much longer after that. Online such people come a dime a dozen. No matter how hard I try to avoid most of them I still end up running across some of them. With accidents people blame the dead person sometimes, but they almost always do with a death by intentional violence. I have a friend whose daughter was killed at the movie theater in Aurora, Colorado by a madman with a semi-automatic weapon.

I remember reading a Stephen King book, Bag of Bones it was called, where he said writers need to be more sensitive to the way they handle fictional homicides. Slasher movies for the sake of violence is an example of what he meant; there are novels equivalent to slasher movies that show violence for gratuitous reasons. The Halloween movies for instance. I can still watch Friday the 13th though, at least halfway; Jason was bullied before he died. Other things changed in me too.

That I can turn it on or off at will. The only thing I can control is what I talk about and never discuss it — or hardly ever do. My favorite sister-in-law lost a live baby and one to stillbirth. It was emotional and anyway it was her first baby. I stopped believing in His love after September 11 but went to church anyway and hoped the mind would follow the body.

I was an EMT-D then; I would have known how truly much of a miracle it would have taken for the other baby to live in that case and never would have gotten my hopes up in the first place. But my mom waits until 10 years later to casually mention Katelyn was part of a twin. Expectations mattered in this case. Your email address will not be published. We respect your email privacy. Powered by AWeber Email Marketing. Username Password Remember Me. Joey December 16, at 9: This is my reply to my sisters post.

Before my mom died she told me I was right about everything. Susan in VA December 4, at Michelle December 8, at 2: Suzy Murphy December 3, at Mary Smith November 30, at 8: Howard Peterson November 30, at 4: Rochelle Neelytatum November 25, at 3: Carol Hawkins October 22, at 9: Prayers to the lady that lost her 10 yr old son on Sept 3 My heart goes out to you. Rita October 11, at 6: