The definition and meaning of courtship may sound outdated to some in our modern world. When hearing the term, many have images of their grandparents being chaperoned by their parents with their special someone. In those days, courting was about getting to know your potential partner as much as possible in a safe, pure environment. Often, these courtships led to successful marriages that lasted lifelong.
Obviously, many things have shifted in our culture and the practice of dating is definitely one of them. The first component to courtship is spiritual. Therefore, we should intentionally court other Christians. Unfortunately, many people compromise this principle because they are unable to find enough Christian singles to date. In addition, courting other believers creates wonderful opportunities to do spiritual activities together, such as attending church, Christian concerts, reading the Bible, and serving. These activities will help us to not only grow closer with God, but closer to one another as well.
Considering the variety of ways to think of courtship , a second major component is mental. Unfortunately, our sex saturated culture encourages people to lust over the person they are pursuing, which is dishonorable both to God and to them. We need to intentionally get to know them. How do they see life? What makes them tick? How does their mind work? Discovering the answers to these questions will give us a glimpse into the fascinating way God has uniquely crafted them, rather than looking at superficial outward appearances alone. The third component to courting is emotional. Unfortunately, many people in the dating scene today withhold their emotions for a variety of reasons.
Still others avoid feeling anything substantial because they are only concerned about personal gain and physical pleasure. These approaches all hinder true intimacy. Instead, if the connection feels safe and warranted, we must allow ourselves to develop authentic feelings to cultivate god-honoring relationships. We must also be willing to share our emotions about life, others, and them to allow our hearts to become slowly integrated.
The fourth component is physical. Sex is promoted as casual and meaningless everywhere we look in our society. Consequently, most people in the dating scene expect to have sex within the first few dates. However, as Christians, we must ascribe to a higher set of morals that honor God by preserving sex for marriage alone. When sex is permitted before marriage, it often becomes the focal point of the relationship, stunting the emotional, social, and spiritual areas of intimacy needed for a successful long-term relationship.
Also, when sex is acceptable, many men use women merely for physical gratification, leaving both partners feeling empty and unsatisfied. So, please join us in Godly courting by pursuing other believers, honoring them with your mind, allowing yourself to develop feelings, and preserving sex for marriage alone. Please share this post with others and comment below!
What are some other major differences between courting and dating?
Please log in or create an account to post a comment. Screen Name Password Forget your password or screen name? Click here to have it emailed to you. Someone has been awaiting approval for 1 month who sent me a smile when am I supposed to find out if he is approved? It depends on if they send us proof of their identity, we're waiting on them. Whether we admit it or not, the world has molded our views of preparing for marriage. We need to seriously ask ourselves: Perhaps you are burned out from the dating scene anyway, and could use a breath of fresh air.
Either way, I suggest a return to the principles of courtship.
When I first heard of the resurgence of Christian courtship, I was skeptical. So if I want to spend time with a girl, I have to arrange for our families to go to a pumpkin patch together, followed by an exciting evening of board games, and then go home by seven.
Woo hoo—real practical for a guy just out of college, living in Southern California. There was a great deal of wisdom that I had never tapped into.
Many books propose different forms of biblical dating, but the fact is that no one ever dated in the Bible. In some passages the parents arranged the marriage, and in other places we read of men going to foreign countries to capture their wives. The idea of traveling overseas and capturing a wife may be appealing to some, but the Bible does provide guidelines that are more practical. If that is a good description of our relationships, they need some reworking.
Some may retort that this is all too serious, but should we be giving our hearts away to people who are in no position to make a real commitment? I am not proposing that you build an impenetrable wall around your heart, but that you guard it with prudence. The age is when her father deems her ready. This may be before the legal age of adulthood which is 18 or after the legal age of adulthood. His primary concern would be to make the determination as to whether his daughter is spiritually and emotionally mature enough for marriage. When young men and women date they may kiss and hold hands on the very first date.
In fact, some couples even have sex on the first date. Still for many teens they may not have sex for some time but they still become very intimate with each other in other emotional and physical ways. For many young men and women dating is sort of like taking a drug. They experience the dopamine rush in their brains of being with a new person.
Every text they receive from the other person gives them a rush.
Every touch from that person gives them a rush. Then they need to go further and further with the touching.
Even if some teens do not engage in full sexual intercourse, many dating teens are touching one another in other sexual ways. It is all about the rush, the thrill of being with that person. And then for many teens when the rush and the thrill of the new relationship goes away they breakup and move on to the next teen to experience new thrills with that new person. And this cycle goes on and on throughout high school or college until they finally decide to settle down, get serious and get married.
When young men and women court they do NOT touch.
Some courting couples may be allowed to hold hands when the wedding is very close. But beyond that there is no kissing or hugging or cuddling during courting. And while they definitely investigate one another for compatibility they are not as emotionally intimate as dating couples. The goal of courtship is to make sure a couple is compatible but at the same time not engage in the emotional and physical intimacy God meant for marriage. Courting couples experience that dopamine rush too, but they do not allow it to control their actions. They can finally and fully let go once they are married.