There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later. Do NOT give this book to teens! I am a youth pastor and reject this book as helpful. I read it as a year-old and it skewed my view for years as to how to find a spouse. I'm 29 now and happily married, though at age 24 had a relationship end horribly, with unneeded and drawn out pain afterward, in part I attribute to the teachings of this book that were the foundations of that relationship. Also a bad book for teens: I am all for Christian purity. I am a youth pastor as I said. When this book emphasizes "be pure and holy", I couldn't agree more!
BUT, when this book teaches that to every person you date you give a portion of your heart, I whole-heartedly disagree! Thus, the natural conclusion is for any thinking teen "I must only date one person! EITHER never allowing yourself to date someone until you know you can marry them which is the real point of dating, isn't it? The fundamental basis for this book is flawed. My entire generation of Christians have been scared to date and thus struggling to find spouses because of books like this one and "When God Writes Your Love Story.
Kindle Edition Verified Purchase. There are better books on Christian relationships than Harris' book. I was reluctant to write a review until I learned Harris himself is now indirectly involved in a sex scandal that caused him to step down from his pastoral work. I felt some unease about his message, and after I decided one day to google "Josh Harris Sex Scandal", I now I feel compelled to discourage Christians from buying into what he is selling.
As I read the book, I thought to myself, "this reads like some kid in high school writing stuff down and who can't think coherently. I knew it was scam book, and at the time of its publication it was the latest rage in some churches. One zealous loudmouth at church preached it as "God's way" for everyone. He and his girl friend followed it to the letter, evangelized with it for a while until they got divorced 4 years later.
Should Christians Kiss dating goodbye? The Bible doesn't give a simple formula for courtship. If anything I've been struck by the variety of ways God unites couples, and sometimes its pretty sordid. God had Hosea marry a whore, God killed Ezekiel's cherished wife, God united Isaac with Rebecca through a miracle, Jacob fell in love with Rachel's beauty, God had Esther herded into a kings harem, Solomon had wives and concubines, and Ruth spruced herself up and laid down at Boaz's feet while he was about to sleep.
Godly men like Jeremiah and Daniel did not find wives. The unspoken implication of Harris' book is that if one is not happily married, one somehow failed to do things God's way, and God's way is Harris' courtship model. The Bible doesn't really say there is a method, except to say it is ultimately by God's blessing, and to make decisions wisely and not to be yoked with an unbeliever.
I taught a Bible study to college age students. Ironically by the end of the school year the numbers had risen and I had an abundance of year-old girls attending. I expressed my critical view of Harris' book and warned them that God doesn't promise happily ever after. They should simply live a pure life because it pleases God, not because it would land them prince charming as Harris book insinuates.
If they do marry, I told them to choose wisely, and that means asking basic questions like -- how many kids do you want, where do you want to live, will you travel for the husband or wife's career, etc. There is much wiser counsel from other books than Harris' book. At the time I wondered if I was doing the right thing by dissuading them form Harris' book. Now in retrospect, given the divorces of some of his most devoted advocates, I'm glad I suggested other books.
This was about 11 years ago before e-harmony came around and Neil Clark Warren had commercialized his work, but Warren's book listed down all the questions people should ask themselves and each other before getting involved. Ben Young's "Ten Commandments of Dating" was very sensible, but Warren's book was the most well conceived based on Warren's decades of private practice in dealing with couples.
This book has helped me through ALOT of relationship pain i reccomend it for anyone who needs to remind themselves why its worth the wait! This is a book all teens should read. See all reviews. Amazon Giveaway allows you to run promotional giveaways in order to create buzz, reward your audience, and attract new followers and customers. Learn more about Amazon Giveaway. I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Set up a giveaway. Customers who viewed this item also viewed. Pages with related products. Joshua Harris writes pretty well, and he makes several good points in this book.
When he talks about God's view on love, Harris is right on the money. Love is not just a feeling. It is not a dominating force that overwhelms our ability to follow God. Unfortunately, Harris' radical new take on dating is really old-fashioned Pharisaical law. Harris has rightly shown some problems with our culture's view of dating, but his own system, while claiming to be biblical, reminds me very much of the Pharisees practice of writing their own laws to make sure that their fellow Jews wouldn't break God's laws.
And we know how Jesus felt about that! You might be wondering what I mean when I say that Harris has replaced a defective system with his own set of rules, instead of following God's laws. Pharisee-ism can be a very subtle thing. So let me give a very clear example. One of the key reasons Harris gives for avoiding dating is because it does not live up to God's standards for love as set out in 1 Corinthians Dating is short-term, it can be self-centered, and it can lead someone to fall away from God. Harris' solution is to avoid committing to one person until you are ready to marry.
Is that a biblical perspective on love?
It is talking about the love that we are supposed to have for all believers all the time! Now, can dating be self-centered? Of course it can. Can dating lead you to care too much about the short-term? Can dating cause someone to fall away from God? Can dating lead to prematurely intimate physical relationships? But it doesn't have to do any of these things. Harris proposes his own solution, courtship, which is no more biblical than dating.
There isn't really any advice on dating or courting in the Bible because that was not a very big part of that culture. Marriages were mostly arranged affairs that were as much about economics and social status as love. So, there is really no such thing as "biblical" courtship or dating or whatever else. There are just decisions that believers need to make about how they are going to follow God in their situation.
So, I liked this book for some of its criticisms of our culture. I just don't think the prescription is any better than the disease. View all 4 comments.
Feb 21, Harman rated it it was ok. While the book is well-written and the ideas are well-expressed and thought out, Harris' theories just don't play well in a complex world filled with people. There is no set of rules or philosophies that one can apply to Christian premarital romance nor any kind of romance, nor any kind of relationship, for that matter , and I believe that, unfortunately, Harris' ideas are a contribution to a philosophy that has caused much pain and cynicism in young single Christian circles I can say this fro While the book is well-written and the ideas are well-expressed and thought out, Harris' theories just don't play well in a complex world filled with people.
There is no set of rules or philosophies that one can apply to Christian premarital romance nor any kind of romance, nor any kind of relationship, for that matter , and I believe that, unfortunately, Harris' ideas are a contribution to a philosophy that has caused much pain and cynicism in young single Christian circles I can say this from experience. In concurrence with Harris' ideas, many of our parents, with the best intentions, told us pubescent, hormonal Christians that we should wait for "God to bring the right one"; that "God has designed someone just for you".
Harris has taken this idea and designed a dating paradigm that fosters to it, gearing up singles to pursue only that one, special, unique someone that God has made just for them. What I mean to say is, we know what we want and we expect God to get us there without any effort on our part. Having always been told to wait for God to bring this ominous "One" to us, to kiss dating goodbye, and that God has sculpted said "One" just for us, we have this hopelessly naive and incorrect idea that if we sit around, living our romance-free and happy lives which, let's be honest, is unfortunately a bit of an oxymoron in our culture , God is going to make romance happen to us and another unsuspecting, beautiful, godly, pure individual.
The repercussions of this are the cause of constant frustration in both sexes. I've heard so many of my girl friends complain about this guy that they like so much, who they happen to know likes them, with whom she hangs out all the time often one-on-one, over coffee and this guy just won't ask her out, won't pursue her openly, won't lay his cards on the table and make himself vulnerable.
Being a guy, and a guy that's been guilty of this, I can tell you that it's largely due to the aforementioned paradigm. Asking a girl out is terrifying, even if you know she'll say yes; vulnerability is petrifying. This is why the unconscious assumption that God will "bring the right person" to us is so comfortable. It requires no risk. God is going to do all the work for us. That's why we hang out with that girl we love for hours on end, always alluding to our feelings for her but never outright pursuing her, waiting for God to make it happen.
It's comfortable, it's safe, and then you end up with mountains of sexual tension that haven't been expressed and eventually that coffee date becomes a make-out session without any pretext, without definitions, which leads to crossed boundaries and baggage. Fortunately I've been able to avoid this, but I've seen it far too many times for me to dismiss it as anything less than a pattern. Alternately, I've heard many guys, myself included, complain about girls that simply will not say yes to a date.
Because of our paradigm, those of us guys that have already gone through the frustrations of "kissing dating goodbye", realized that the difference between dating and Harris' ideas are simply in semantics, and have moved on to dating have found that many amazing, beautiful and godly girls will say no to a date with an amazing, godly man not because she's not attracted to him or not interested, but because she can't see herself marrying him.
There's an expectation that, because God has this perfect man made for them, as soon as she sees him she'll be hopelessly in love and there won't even need to be a first date. A date, or courtship, or whatever you want to call it, is the context in which you get to know the other in order to determine whether you could marry that person. You can't determine that in day-to-day life.
But, at the same time, girls expect us to pursue them, but not in a dating context because of the negative stigma given to that construct. Us guys are given so many mixed signals, because we're expected to pursue the girl like Christ pursues the Church thanks, Francine Rivers, for giving every Christian woman the expectation that a good Christian man will be a cookie cut-out from Redeeming Love , but then again, if we do any kind of pursuing and the girl isn't already convinced that she could marry the guy, then we get shot down.
So we are forced into the exact same context mentioned above, hanging out with the girl we like, allowing her to get to know us in a nonromantic context so that she can determine whether she could marry us again, you can't determine how romantically compatible you are with someone in a nonromantic context. So as the two hang out more and more, and the girl still comes no closer to determining marriageability, emotions and sexual tension are still on the rise, and the same consequence mentioned above takes place. All this being said, it's no wonder that young, single Christians are among the most romantically cynical beings I've ever met - and I am often guilty of this as well.
I'm not saying that Joshua Harris is solely to blame, but I do believe that his books and ideology are a manifestation of this vague, misleading and tragic dating philosophy that is fostering so many embittered cynics in young Christian circles. The Church needs to begin addressing this issue, and realizing that there is no clean-cut solution and set of rules to apply to the grey area of romance. Only working relationship with us singles, intimate knowledge of our individual situations and, most importantly, the love and grace of Christ can lead us into romance with healthy expectations and practices.
We don't need more books, we need older, experienced believers investing in us. That's what the Church is, anyway: View all 3 comments. Jun 22, Donita Luz rated it really liked it Shelves: By inflating the importance of feelings, we neglect the impt of putting love in action. When we evaluate the quality of our love for someone else simply by our own emotional fulfillment, we are being selfish. Feelings governed them, and finally, when the feelings ended, so did their relationship. It was a bit j "A relationship based solely on physical attraction and romantic feelings will last only as long as the feelings last.
It was a bit judgemental and one-sided for me I'm not being angry or offended, I'm just merely stating my observations note that I'm not a Christian as well. It was the author's own conviction and commitment. But what made me like this book was the fact that it wasn't trying to force those information down our throats.
It was always trying to pose questions and the possibility of what can happen for certain things that happen in our life. I Kissed Dating Goodbye isn't all about dating and love. There were talks of impurity which we might all agree that society doesn't see important in relationship anymore. It teaches us the necessity of break-up which we all know is hard. There's a good chance they won't understand at first or will think you're making up excuse for bringing a relationship to an end.
I will never know what it's like. While being single, he wanted to grow deeper in his relationship with God; exploring and obeying where The Lord has placed him to go, to reach out, and to serve. Sex and the Soul, Updated Edition: Your future spouse is created in the image of God. View all 4 comments.
Don't try to argue with them to prove a point. Overall, it's a good read and if you're open-minded on other's religions, this is still a highly recommended book for everyone. Jun 10, Christopher rated it did not like it Shelves: I was forced to read this book by the female youth leader in a youth group I was a part of, along with all the other guys. Some of us kissed dating goodbye, others of us kissed youth group goodbye. Apr 13, Jenny Reading Envy added it Shelves: This philosophy destroys intimacy and feeds the guilt culture that is overly a part of modern Christian families. View all 5 comments.
Oct 28, Kacey rated it did not like it Shelves: Coming from a happily married woman, I found this to be a stupid composition that follows a typical Christian formula of twisting Scripture to suit the point the author wants to make. Common sense, rather than blowing up your every state of being into assuring yourself of your godliness, will get you further in my opinion. Only made a splash because it was written by a young, attractive male who claimed to have quit dating for good. Don't listen to me, though, read it fo Coming from a happily married woman, I found this to be a stupid composition that follows a typical Christian formula of twisting Scripture to suit the point the author wants to make.
Don't listen to me, though, read it for yourself and make up your own mind- unlike the author would have you do. Nov 29, emilie. I know no one's going to read my review, but I've just been itching to write it. I have a feeling it will turn into a long rambling session since I feel pretty strongly about this subject. I know I'm just another young adult who wasn't fond of this book, so my critique is probably insignificant among the sea of others out there. I know that I'm just "young and foolish" and how could I ever question this book's teachings-everyone should do it!
Everyone who has ever followed what Joshua Harris say I know no one's going to read my review, but I've just been itching to write it. Everyone who has ever followed what Joshua Harris says has wonderful results and a lifelong, heavenly marriage, right? As someone who had to read this in my junior year of high school I was homeschooled , I don't necessarily believe that.
Sure, there are some couples who did the whole courtship thing and ended up marrying the love of their life. As long as they're truly happy, who am I to tell them what they should have done? I just don't believe courtship works for everyone. This is what I think: They're not impure if they hold hands. They don't suddenly lose their innocence if they have crushes. They're not damaged goods for kissing their boyfriend or girlfriend.
They're not immoral if they do have a boyfriend or girlfriend in the first place. Nearly everyone who is a strong advocate for courtship is all like, "But you'll regret your stupid choices one day.
Joshua Harris, the Christian pastor and author who wrote I Kissed Dating Goodbye as a teenager and launched a mini-revolution of young. For many years people have asked whether I still agree with my book I Kissed Dating Goodbye. In addition to this question, some readers have told me the book.
Never experiencing that part of being a teenager. I will never know what it's like. Maybe deep down, I'm still one of those girls who is desperate or maybe I'm just being sentimental. But honestly, don't take those years for granted. I'm not saying that teenagers should be reckless and do everything on a whim. Logic and common sense should obviously be valued. I simply believe that keeping your heart under lock and key at all times is a terrible-possibly damaging-idea. Lewis said "to love at all is to be vulnerable.
If you do break up with your significant other and feel sad for awhile, that's just part of life! It won't be unbearable and you will get through it. Life is all about discovery, full of warmth and rawness and giving and taking and pouring yourself out! It is impossible to avoid pain in life, and shielding yourself from "getting hurt" by romantic relationships is only going to increase your fear of the world. I'm going to try to word this in a way that makes sense, but which sounds better to you Because I have heard stories about the latter.
A lot of stories. All because of this book. It can definitely happen, and courtship champions should stop acting as though it is impossible. Their method isn't perfect either. Nothing in life is perfect.
Anyway, I'm sure I have bored you quite enough. On with the book. I've only read it once and that was a few years ago, and would rather not read it again. From what I remember, his writing style was extremely repetitive and he repeated the same ideas over…and over…and over again. I literally had to take a break after reading a few pages at a time. I find that passage ridiculous. Was he implying that our hearts are only capable of so much love before they crash and burn?
You love your family, you love your friends, and you love your pets. You love certain musicians, artists and writers. I'm sure that loving more people, whether they'll become part of your past or stay with you for a long time, is NOT going to make you unworthy or undesirable. A loving heart is a truly beautiful thing. If you actually believe that, it will show, trust me. I know that not everyone who is for courtship thinks like that, but quite a few of them do.
If you have that mindset, how will any guy or girl be able to approach you and want to start a relationship with you in the first place? That's just the short version of all my thoughts. If I go on too much longer, my fingers won't be able to type for a while. Like I mentioned near the beginning, if couples who courted are truly happy that they did it…kudos to them.
Josh Harris had good intentions, but I suspect this book has done more damage than good. I'm tired of Christians who practice courtship treating this book like it's the pinnacle of nonfiction, and homeschooling parents since these beliefs are the norm in many homeschool circles must stop micromanaging their adult children's lives. It's just wrong on so many levels.
On his website, he is now accepting stories from IKDG readers on how it affected their lives. Old news, I know, but it's a step and I can't help but feel proud of him for sincerely trying to understand. View all 6 comments. I read this book when I was a broken-hearted nineteen-year-old. At the time the idea of kissing dating goodbye and doing it in the name of God seemed like a grand idea. I think it was largely because I had no dates to kiss goodbye, so it gave me some noble reason to beyond the fact that girls didn't like me and the fact that despite my liking them I was terrified of them.
I think Harris has some very valid points as best as I can remember, but they are a bit extreme and maybe even unrealistic. A I read this book when I was a broken-hearted nineteen-year-old. Anytime you set up a system of thought like that it can lead to feelings of guilt and legalism. I am prone to that sort of thing anyway, and I definitely dealt with it after trying my hardest to adopt the ideas in this book. If would feel guilty if I just liked a girl.
In some way, I'm thankful that I went through this time in my life because I do think it has balanced out and saved me from just randomly chasing after girls for the fun of it. On the other hand, I don't know that I would have ever done that anyway. I think this book is good for high school kids, but it's probably not very practical once you get older. I saw Joshua Harris speak a few years ago, and I knew it would be really chessy and youth groupy. But you know what? He was a very good speaker, and everything he said was solid and scripturally sound.
Oh, and he didn't talk about dating. In this book Joshua Harris tells you to, as the title suggests, to kiss dating goodbye, suggesting that here is a better way to approach romance than simple "dating" could ever provide. He urges you to ask yourself "what is your motivation in relationships, pleasing yourself or serving others? This book does not say th In this book Joshua Harris tells you to, as the title suggests, to kiss dating goodbye, suggesting that here is a better way to approach romance than simple "dating" could ever provide.
This book does not say that dating is sinful and explains that rejecting typical dating does not mean that you'll never spend time alone with a guy or girl. Under his suggestions for the many different reasons to read this book he suggests it if you: You just got out of a bad relationship, and you don't want to be hurt again.
Not dating sounds like a great idea. You just haven't felt comfortable with dating, and you're looking for alternatives. You're ina great dating relationship, and you're curious why anyone would choose not to date. This book is full of wonderful suggestions such as dating your wife or husband once you are married and many others. Feb 15, Altovise rated it it was amazing Shelves: I first heard of Josh Harris on a Christian radio station.
I was driving and listening to him talk about the pitfalls of modern dating. I was so captivated by his message, that I sat in the car listening long after I arrived at my destination. I went and purchased this book the next day. After the first chapter, I put it down. It was a lot to take in for an ex-feminist, control freak like me. I talked to my dad about it and decided to give the book a chance. My love life has never been the same.
I I first heard of Josh Harris on a Christian radio station. It taught me that if I had continued to give away my heart to lots of boyfriends, I may have nothing left to give my husband. I'm not saying that this concept is easy to accept. I had to stuggle to read this book without rolling my eyes. Joshua backs all of his writing up with Biblical text. He tells it like it is. This book is wonderful. Jun 16, Robyn rated it did not like it. And secondly, I still don't see even one small remote difference in "dating" versus "courtship". It might as well be about "don't be a stripper, instead be an exotic dancer!
Mar 04, Shantelle rated it really liked it Shelves: Has some good advice, for sure. I enjoyed it a second time around. Quotes from the Book By inflating the importance of feelings, we neglect the importance of putting love into action. Christ taught that love is not for the fulfillment of self but for the good of others and the glory of God.
True love is selfless. It gives; it sacrifices; it dies to its own needs. Christ also showed that true love is not measured or governed by feeling. Jesus' feelings were not the test of His love, nor were they His master.