Be a generous listener and offer him verbal support only. And I will explain why. Getting past the first year for divorced dads is very important for personal, emotional stability. Some Divorced Dads take longer, and some never emotionally recover from the guilt completely and ruin future relationships with past-unresolved guilt.
However, I think you man is at the stage where he is going to make a distinction on which man he wants to be:. The passive aggressive comment that you had mentioned is a simple way for a Divorced Dad to "get off the hook" with you. This does not work in the long run. You need to call him out and "re-state" the silly phrase or comment that he may use to get out of a fix.
I especially worry about the "rubber band" comment you made about your boyfriends behavior. It can be a touchy subject, but important to share your feelings to him when he disappears for a while and then comes back without explaining.
This "Fade Away" behavior is normal and it can mean a variety of things when dating a Divorced Dad:. Overall, I think you should share how it makes you feel when he does that and offer him the opportunity to explain why he does it. If he just needs space, then give it to him. I have seen this behavior minimize once the Divorced Dad finds a level of high trust, confidence and vulnerability in the relationship and that takes time. You are in good shape for only dating for three months. You should see some improvement after the sixth month and going forward….
Anytime this situation happens, remind yourself and your boyfriend that you are here to support him, but you cannot rescue or fix the situation. He will respect you for it. This is where I see your man going in the right direction. New Job, new direction, and a new commitment in his family priorities; these are all good signs that you entered his life at the right time. Overall, he has decided to move forward in his life and he wants you to be part of the journey. Does this guarantee a long-term commitment?
The sign that he wants you to meet his children is positive, but you also got to keep the distance between the two of you in perspective. I dated a woman for over 2 years and it was a 1-hour, one-way drive to her doorstep. I asked myself "Why? This can be a deal breaker, but for now, I recommend you seeing how things work out and try to stay in the present. Try to appreciate what is directly in front of you and what you are experiencing.
You are only three months into this and I think you have a lot of positive things going for you. My final recommendation is for you and your boyfriend to take the "5 Love Languages Quiz" online. I think that it is important for both of you to know what makes your heart "full" and happy. Right now, you are three months into this relationship and the "honeymoon" period is full of blind eyes between the two of you. You need to know what makes your man feel loved and the same goes for him. He needs to know what makes you feel safe, trusted and secure in a relationship.
You will be surprised how often this is overlooked in establishing a solid lasting relationship. If you are a Single Woman dating a divorced dad and have a question, or a Divorced Dad seeking dating advice, send us an email to: Those are his feelings. He's telling you clearly what his feelings about you are. This is the key, IMO There was no reeling going on at all.
Kids make it harder, for sure, but 3 days is waaaaaaaaaay too long. It sounds like he's just not that into you. That or he has a lousy communication style. Either way, you're clearly not a priority, so I would find someone else. My reading of this is that these behaviors are not related to his parenting.
I know tons of single parents.
It isn't impossible to date. It is even more possible when there is shared residential time. Not responding to your texts on the regular isn't cool. It doesn't sound like this is working for you, in that his level of communication doesn't match yours. Maybe you can give him a shot and tell him directly, "Look, I know you're busy, but I'd like us to have more regular communication. And as part of this, it is upsetting to me when you ignore my texts. Then give him a few weeks to see if he can change.
But for clarification - what's his residential custody situation and how does it impact your dating life? Yet he could quickly reply to you and say "Super busy with kiddo but thinking of you! Hope that thing at work went well. But, the fact that things seems antagonistic 2 years after the divorce, I'd want to know a bit more about that to assess it.
This might be more of a red flag. To me, it wouldn't be unusual for this guy and his ex to be communicating with each other regularly about kid stuff - "Is kid's lacrosse stick at your house? I can't find it. That can be really tough for people to work through. I hope that they have a solid parenting plan in place. How is this antagonism impacting you? For better or worse, when you enter into a relationship with a parent, you are also entering into a relationship with his kid and his ex.
But again, it sounds like his communication stuff has little to nothing to do with him being a parent. I agree with Slinga. I think that his being divorced and a dad are red herrings. He doesn't have the bandwidth to meet your needs. Respectfully, bounce and take care of you.
His communication style is not compatible with a caring relationship. That's all you need to know. Sorry, I just read your question more carefully and you say you are in fact exclusive. Anyway, I think that expecting someone you are dating to return your texts within three days or really, within a few hours most of the time is extremely reasonable. I wouldn't be able to date someone who didn't do that.
It sucks to be in the position of feeling like you have to "nag" someone to do the bare minimum. I suggest you move on.
Don't ever do this again. I'm sorry, but this guy is just not in a place to be a good partner except in the most casual of relationships. In return, he makes it easy for me by making me feel loved and secure. You are in good shape for only dating for three months. I was sort of like him when I started dating again 2 years ago. To me, this is very clear signal of how much someone is thinking about or cares about you. I get that you don't want to feel needy or whatever, but you're not.
It could be the medium. I'm 45 and I hate texting. Loathe it and will not do it. I conduct all of my social media in my browser. I stay in touch with my daily people on Facebook Messenger or Signal through my browser. It might be worth asking him if there's something he prefers for communication. You know your feelings.
Do not assume his. Use your words to ask him what his thoughts and feelings are. It sounds to me like: You want a serious relationship. He wants to date, and genuinely likes you, but is not ready for a serious relationship. He is not grownup enough to admit this and cut you loose. Possibly he is not able to admit it even to himself, let alone to you.
Whatever, this guy is clearly not capable of fulfilling your needs right now. The reason he can do stupid Facebook crap but not text you is that stupid Facebook crap requires zero emotional effort while interacting with you requires non-zero emotional effort. He has no emotional effort to spare right now. I'm sorry, but this guy is just not in a place to be a good partner except in the most casual of relationships. I'm sure he likes you. Maybe he's a perfectly nice person. He's just not as available as you need him to be, and he's not able or perhaps just not willing, if I'm being less charitable to articulate that.
If you want a serious relationship, it's time to move on from this guy and find someone who's able to be as available as you need. Your needs don't sound unreasonable, but this guy can't meet them for you. There are guys who can, go find one. It's fine if this guy hates texting. If that was the case, yet he was really into you, then he could still pick up the phone or use a carrier pigeon or whatever his preferred method of communication is.
He's just ignoring you. Not cool at all. Someone who wants to be with you will show you, kid or no kid. Go find that person, this one is wasting the time of both of you.
He has time to post inane comments on Facebook but not text you back? I get that you don't want to feel needy or whatever, but you're not. People who are into each other don't leave three days between texts. That is actually really rude. I don't know what's going on with him but it's not your problem to fix. You deserve someone who can match your level of attention. That was the etiquette. Also consider the fact that maybe this dude is divorced because he ignores the people who are trying to have a relationship with him!
I am a divorced dad who was over 40 when I started dating. Demanding time sucking volunteer work. In my opinion, I have way too little information to tell you what to make of his behavior. I also, because of my own time commitments know that if someone wants to make time for someone else of for an event or for something, they can and will find the time.
Having said that, I hate text.
Very little real communication comes in characters. Even if it is back and forth. I also will go days without checking my phone for texts.