Beauty is vain in the sense that it will fade. As Pastor Matt Chandler puts it ,. We are all wrinkling. Our nose and ears never quit growing. It is only a matter of time till that little component that we are basing so much on starts to vanish and must be replaced by attraction founded on character and covenant. In what has to be one of the best bible verses ever, Proverbs If beauty and character were to fight, character wins every time. At least in the long run. They usually have someone specific in mind, a friend with godly character. What should I do?
If you pursue the relationship, she will get hurt and you will feel guilty. Your hearts will get entangled, and disaster is likely to occur. Here are two suggestions for what to do if you find yourself in this situation. At least not automatically. Different guys will be attracted to different women, and that can be from the Lord.
At the same time, we are broken and fallen, and we should be suspicious of ourselves. Repent when you fail, and receive the forgiveness and new power to obey that God loves to give 1 John 1: Confess honestly to a friend, and ask him to help you in your fight James 5: Godliness is sexy to godly people. And so, if you get in proximity, and you see the godliness and character of a woman, you begin to take compatibility and godliness and gospel partnership more seriously than just physical attraction….
Want it to grow into more. And I am confident that, over time, character and godliness will win the day. Asking The Right Questions. Your 10 Favorite Posts From That said, I think your advice is sound, and your responses to your critics, humble and Biblical. I confess, time only allowed me to read the post once, but what I see is your heart being in the right place, trying to advocate for all concerned the pursuer and the pursued.
I would agree that your suggestion of allowing oneself to be initially only attracted to the character of another can at times blossom into physical attraction as well. A friend once counseled me to look past the physical imperfections of someone I was dating since I was attracted to his personality. She advised me that at times the person becomes more desirable in time as we allow the internal gifts to sort of mesh with the wrapping paper, so to speak.
I ended up marrying him!
I am far from a beauty queen. For all I know, the man I married was having similar conversations with himself about me! Thank you, Thea, for your kind words.
It sounds like you got some great advice, and I love your comment about the internal gifts and wrapping paper. When my husband started seminary, the president exhorted all the single men in the room to remember that the woman they married would in all likelihood be spending more time with their future children than they would, and that they should pursue someone who would be a powerful witness for Christ in and out of the home, not just a pretty face in the pew on Sunday.
Thanks so much, Laura… that was great advice for young guys in seminary. Scripture is unashamed to speak of men who had attractive physical appearances Gen Yet, I am regularly asked if it is important for a Christian man or woman to be physically attracted to the person they are dating. Another answer suggests that while godly character should be the primary factor, physical attraction is important and should also be part of the equation. Unfortunately, while I agree more with the second of the two, neither of the typical answers to this question go deep enough to provide sufficiently biblical counsel.
Men and Physical Attraction It seems to go without saying that men, generally speaking, are initially drawn to a woman based on whether or not he finds her physically attractive.
But you said it perfectly, young man. Intentionality in How We Dress. In other words, women know what guys want. Click here to visit Amazon. A man should be attracted to the woman he is pursuing, but pride will often keep many a man from appreciating the beauty of the women already in his midst.
A Christian man will be looking for far more than physical beauty Prov Yet, it is this question that, if asked carefully and compassionately, has the power to unearth sin and wrong thinking and actually serve to nurture physical attraction in the heart. But I believe there are at least six reasons for why it is often lacking in men.
If we think highly of ourselves and the kind of woman we deserve, then we will be disabled from beholding and appreciating the beauty of the women around us.
Pride blinds the eyes and skews the judgment Ps When it comes to relationships, proud men will pass by many worthy women because they have become convinced they deserve a certain kind of woman: A man should be attracted to the woman he is pursuing, but pride will often keep many a man from appreciating the beauty of the women already in his midst. The most physically beautiful of women will appear unattractive to a Christian man if her beauty is coupled with immoral character see Prov Specifically, we are told and shown over and over that true physical beauty is found primarily in a particular body shape or hair color or facial structure.
This mindset is devastating to our relationships and our hope for marriage because physical beauty must diminish over time. When we are walking in humility and pursuing the right things, it is possible to be physically attracted to many different kinds of women, not merely those who appear on the magazine covers. The ease of access to pornography has allowed men to store up naked or scantily dressed—often air-brushed and utterly unrealistic—images of what he perceives to be the perfect woman.
But the more a man immerses himself in fantasy the less able he will be to appreciate reality, to the peril of his hopes for marriage. Why are men, more and more, losing their taste for real physical beauty?
Because they are, more and more, drinking from the poisoned well of pornography. It is also possible that a man finds that he is not physically attracted to his girlfriend because he is, generally speaking, attracted to other men. Should we counsel a Christian man in such a scenario to plod ahead in his relationship and ignore his desires?
Again, we should recognize that physical attraction is important and that it is possible for a man wrestling with same-sex attraction to grow in his attraction for the woman he is dating. He should be encouraged by stories of men for whom this has been the case. The reasons it may be lacking in some women can be similar to the reasons it is lacking in men: But women must also be aware of their design in relation to men.
God has created the man to be the pursuer and the one who woos and wins his wife. As a man pursues a woman, she often naturally grows more and more physically attracted to him as she is able to perceive his godly character and intentional leadership. Practically, ladies, this means that you should be willing to give a worthy guy a chance to win your affection. If, after a reasonable amount of time you are still bereft of any desire or attraction, you can end the relationship.
You are not obligated by the mere pursuit to marry any particular man. But this question of physical attraction also naturally leads to the question of how a Christian should care for his or her physical appearance.
It seems reasonable to say that a Christian should neither neglect his or her physical appearance nor worship it. It is not a mark of holiness to allow your physical appearance to deteriorate, nor is it ultra-spiritual to purposefully neglect your clothing or hygiene. What, then, should mark our physical appearance?