I have a pretty strong T, but I cannot imagine dating anyone that is not a stronger NT compared to myself! I refuse to take the initiative, be the leader, or wear the pants. It's just not how I picture my fairy tale.
Yes, it more or less ties back to not wanting to feel like the "man" or dominant one in the relationship. In the very very rare occasion that I find someone I am actually interested in, it can be hard to wait with my hands under my bottom. With that said, my mind is always 3 steps ahead of most men in the courting process and naturally have a vision of how I think things should unfold.
I'm not looking to control the process, but it is frustrating when men look to shortcut it or do a poor job at it. I helped one propose to his girlfriend and everything about it was perfect and well planned, unlike most men who do something corny. Some men just don't stand a chance with their pathetic attempts. Ever feel like if you were a man you could have women hanging off you? It's that frustration of I could do this so much better if I was the pursuer. Your comment about showing interest made me laugh a bit. I don't know if this is an ENTJ trait, but I am notorious for not showing any true interest until a man makes the first move.
I think it is a subconcious test for weeding out the weak and those who lack courage. It will never happen, because they lack the confidence among many other things. Wow this post makes me sound very high maintenance and conceited, but maybe you will understand what I'm getting at.
I am curious about other female ENTJs' dating experience. I tend to go on lots of first, second, third dates but I rarely if ever find men that I want an actual relationship with. I gave up on fairy tales a long time ago. I've dated a lot of men. No, I've gone on a lot of first dates. Most don't even get through the first without being written off and I'm being generous.
The ones that get a second are either interesting and I'm curious or there's a sliver of hope that there could be something different about this one. I think I had the same fantasy as you did.
I spent every waking moment of my time trying to rule my world and the last thing I wanted to do was rule a man. I had this fantasy that this stronger man would come save me from making decisions, planning and being the leader for a few moments. Maybe it was a fantasy of relinquishing my responsibilities and being led by someone else.
A great friend of mine once explained to me that women always sold themselves short by being so passive. He said that we didn't realize how much power and control we had over men.
It was ultimately women who chose their mate and more importantly when to mate. He made me realize that I should take more of an offensive attitude towards dating. Everyone here gets it. We're at least three steps ahead if not writing the damn book.
It usually makes it more difficult for people like us to date and be involved with others. We have high standards and expectations on ourselves and it's very intimidating for others. I think you misunderstood what I meant as far as showing interest. Interest is not pursuing a man.
Interest is showing someone that they have your attention. What else do you have to offer? There will come a time when we're not as attractive and when we cannot bare children.
Men usually get more attractive with age. I am in my prime and there will never be a time where I am more physically attractive than I am now. Why should I date you? Why should I give up being taken out and treated well by a whole lot of men? What makes you better? I don't understand why women get so obsessed with getting married or being in a relationship. We have so much more to lose by being in them than being single.
I can go out to fancy dinners, shows, wine tasting and fun fun events every night of the week with a different man. Why should I give that up? Yes, dating gets old very fast. Yes, a good partner is worth much more. Yes, I know you know all this. What's wrong with letting a man know he's got 30 seconds to prove himself to give up your single and fabulous lifestyle?
ENTJ Relationships. As in other areas of their lives, ENTJs approach dating and relationships with a set of goals and a plan to achieve them, and proceed to do. ENTJ Relationships. ENTJs put a lot of effort and enthusiasm into their relationships. Since their major quest in life is to constantly take in knowledge and turn.
I ask men whom I have interest in to do activities all the time. I get to do what I want 2. I get to do it with someone I actually enjoy the company of. It's a win win situation. I guess I've come to choose my battles. I'd rather be with a strong man and make decision on where to eat or go on vacation than be with a weak man who tells me what he wants to do. You've got to remember than a strong man probably gets sick of being the leader and making all the calls.
Even though he's a man and should. I guess it comes with age and being jaded. Don't get too excited - there's only one of me to go around. I meant that I have an idea for you:. Seems to be that you are more of an 'alpha' than the beta males you commonly see around you. So you need to be with someone more alpha than yourself.
How would this happen? Who makes the decisions? I've had this post at the back of my mind for some time, so it was interesting when one of my colleagues, who is an ENTJ, said to me yesterday, in a completely different context: When I go home, the last thing I want to do is pick between Subway and Quiznos. Thats the least my wife should be able to handle. That's exactly how I feel! My most successful relationship was one in which the girl SP took the initiative for kick-starting the 'fun' part of the relationship. That doesn't mean I just sat back for the ride - quite the contrary, since its not even possible for me to do that.
I trusted her ability to 'make things fun' and it was a win-win since that was, in my mind, her 'core competence', for lack of a better phrase. At the same time, with anyone whom I eventually choose to end up with, I will have zero expectations from them on the financial or security front, and will not mind in fact, I expect it if they pass those responsibilities to me.
How should an ENTJ woman approach dating? How does this apply to ENTJ women? And I don't mean to be sexist in the least - I do believe men and women are different. I understand that a woman, especially an ENTJ woman may find a metrosexual man unattractive; similarly, a man especially an ENTJ, or any alpha male, the type you're aiming for is going to be strongly drawn to a more-than-averagely-feminine woman. But this could work to an ENTJ woman's advantage: Femininity is a tough definition for personality: In fact, as explained earlier, low self-esteem is a turnoff, and unfortunately, only too common.
I think how a feminine personality is defined is probably up to the individual - but here's an example, to get the ball rolling:. To pre-empt the most obvious objection to this: I don't agree with the argument of a double standard for men and women - there will always be a double standard, because men and women are fundamentally different. For example, I do think that financial insecurity is inexcusable in an ideal man, but can be easily overlooked in the woman the 'ideal man' chooses. I personally simply don't pay attention to a woman's financial situation unless its dire, I suppose , but I pay close attention to her health and personal grooming.
I will say that a challenge any NT woman will face in the dating game is that she will have to work on her S - a fate than an NT male can often escape. So hows this for a solution? Suzilla and Liz - does this solve your problem of who wears the pants? Well I might be the only one on this site who isn't into writing full essays, so forgive me but I don't have the time.
This was an adorable post. I did appreciate the insight. I am guessing you know few to none ENTJ females in the real world?? It is cute that you have typed us as these masculine tom boys who aren't in touch with their feminine side. I think if you knew more of us you would find that to be quite the contrary. I have a hard time myself categorizing us, because I know 3 others who are each entirely different from each other. I even enjoyed it! I am a serious girly girly at heart, and see your list as ridiculously simple.
We like to achieve it all! But with that said, I would never stop being true to myself. Luckily, I attract the men that I am interested in with no problem. Yes, I understand where you are coming from. I am also a hopeless romantic and believer in God, so I have faith that God has a match for me. Hehehe - ok, point taken.
I do know only two ENTJ females, and they are both beautiful and very feminine. And they'll probably read your note and kick my ass. But I think I didn't explain myself clearly enough the last time. So lets try version 2. I've found I'm particularly susceptible to women who, for lack of a better word, spoil me, maybe because it feels like such a novel experience.
And it seems to typically takes a girl with a developed 'F' to have that effect on me. I wouldn't be surprised if other ENTJ guys feel the same way. But what if ENTJ women feel the same way too? My point was that it might put them at a little bit of a disadvantage in the dating game, if their objective was to find someone who could out-alpha them. Kind of like composing for eternity. It does limit the frequency of my posting though - takes me days to reply to stuff. I have to eventually realize that generations from now will probably NOT reading these posts. I'm not trying to find someone to out-alpha me per say.
I am trying to find someone who can handle and understand me in a way that I view him as a leader. All I know is that there is an undeniable fit. Like I said, at some point I have to stop rationalizing the matter and go with what feels right. My husband is ENFP! I've been with him since I was 19, and my several boyfriends before him were either totally weak or complete assholes Husband is the only nice guy that doesn't bore me to death: So, where do you find them?
I met my man in politics - so that is my hottest tip And, yeah, single is much, much better than being with someone you don't respect. He's creative, fun, witty, and just overall fascinating.
He seems to have such a unique perspective that I like having in my life, but at the same time, the lack of focus and slobbiness is really annoying. I can see how an ENFP-ENTJ relationship could work, but it would require such a substantial amount of effort and balance to work through that kind of frustration in a long term setting. Have you ever dated an INTP? Through not a whole lot of past experience but a bit of analyzing, I have recently started to think that an INTP might be a really good match for an ENTJ woman with these kinds of dating problems such as myself as well.
I know the feeling of dating weak miserable men that you just cannot feel a lot of admiration and by extension, attraction to. I've always thought that I wanted an aggressive, extroverted, in control male and that it is what I needed to feel a strong attraction to a man and to feel feminine, but I think that may not be the best way to look at it. Recently I've realized that being with EJ men leaves me even more competitive and masculine, and brings out a part of me I'm not very fond of. I don't think anyone is ever going to have more balls than an ENTJ, and that looking for someone who could overpower us is just a long, straight path to loneliness.
I find that INTPs however, completely change the playing field. ENTJs have an aptitude for business that comes as naturally to them as breathing. Whether this individual pursues an office career, fills the role of a salesperson, or makes the move into entrepreneurship, this charismatic and inspiring personality will most likely find a way to be top-notch at what he or she is doing and will find a way to profit from it.
These individuals are extraverts which means that they prefer to live their lives externally by observing and processing that which goes on in reality. ENTJs like to take in their environment and use their razor-sharp problem solving skills to turn problems into solutions.
Although very good at coming up with their own solutions and ideas, ENTJ is also genuinely happy to listen to the ideas of others and encourages those around them to be as energetic and passionate as he or she is. This kind of attitude can be very inspirational, especially in a romantic relationship. ENTJ is a planner and is very good about mapping long-term goals for the future. Their gift of gab and alluring personality would make it easy for a potential partner to find out whether this individual intends to head down the same life path as they. ENTJ does have a less-dominant intuitive nature that can pick up on the feelings and motives of others, and while they may seem uncaring about the feelings of others, they often harbor strong feelings of affection and tenderness towards those they care about.
ENTJ can even be sentimental, although this usually comes out in sporadic bursts rather than a continuous stream of romanticism. For ENTJ, relationships are something to be taken seriously. This smooth extravert with an underlying intuitive nature will have no problem sharing ideas, goals, and certain personal aspects in the very early stage of dating. The direct nature of ENTJ can be very refreshing in a relationship, especially for an introverted personality.
ENTJs crave growth and forward movement which is why these two aspects must be present in a long term romantic relationship. This kind of growth is usually done in a very positive manner. ENTJs are enthusiastic and imaginative, which means that they are usually game for anything. They will likely take the lead with their partner and find all sorts of creative and exciting new experiences to share as a couple.
Their leadership instincts can be both good and bad for a relationship. In other situations, the take charge attitude might cause imbalance between the couple, especially the partner who may begin to feel inept and undervalued. Introverts tend to serve as a counter-balance for extraverts. Feeling individuals should be thoroughly developed in order to handle the periods of emotional draught that can occur with this particular persona.