source site Anyways, at the end of the night I said that maybe we could get together again sometime, she agreed. Then she gave me some additional contact info, such as facebook, MSN, etc.
That was it; we both went out separate ways. After that, I waited a day and text'd her asking her how her day was. She responded right back, said good and she was at work. I asked her to call if she gets a chance. Later that night I got a text saying she is not looking to date right now and she just got out of a hard relationship. Did I come on too strong?
I am thinking I may have. I think I really like this girl and don't want to blow it, should I wait awhile and ask her out again? I would agree that you came on too strong as much as you became attached too quickly.
Are you on a rollercoaster of post-first-date emotions? Learn from our dating experts how long you should wait to call or message after your first date! Top tips for writing your online dating profile · The first date survival guide · Top 40 most. When it comes to contacting someone after a first date, most people get morning texts to someone you've gone on fewer than 20 dates with.
By going home immediately after a first date and adding this girl to Facebook, MSN etc. Relationships take time to build and your excitement about this girl made her feel uncomfortable. Your waiting to call her was an appropriate length of time. However, sending her a message that night, text messaging her at work and asking her to call you if she gets a chance were all attempts at communicating with her.
The amount, and when you communicated were inappropriate lengths of time to contact her. Your behavior took a single date from 'just getting to know you' and moved it to 'friends' before determining if the girl was feeling the same way about you. I do think you may have blown it with this girl. However, to redeem yourself and get a second try, I would suggest you wait about a month before trying to contact her.
As much as I wanted to be in a relationship , I just couldn't stick with the drudgery of taking actions on the site long enough to get over the hump of ho-hum messages and misleading IMs and schedule an actual date IRL. Getting any traction whatsoever on OkCupid seemed depressingly insurmountable.
But then, last month I decided to give it another try by starting with one small step, and gave myself the tiny, manageable goal of just writing to three guys. I normally skip over the section about people's favorite books and movies because it tends to be long, boring and pretentious, but on one guy's profile, I happened to notice that he listed If the Buddha Dated by Charlotte Kasl, PhD as one of his favorite books.
Coincidentally, I was re-reading that book for the third time, and it's all about bringing a spiritual perspective -- with the accompanying mindfulness, kindness, honesty and directness -- to dating. He wrote back right away with a clever email trying to deduce which books I'd read, and a thoughtful, funny response to something in my profile about yoga.
We emailed back and forth for a few days during which time he always responded immediately, and when I once took two days to get back to him he wrote, "Haven't heard back from you -- are you stuck in an advanced yoga pose? Shall I send help? I liked that he was showing interest in hearing from me while keeping it light and playful, and we soon scheduled a date.
After four and a half months on the site, I'd finally reached escape velocity and was actually going on my first OkCupid date! Meeting for coffee at a neighborhood place nearby, it was a great first date. I was calm and grounded, and didn't launch into my usual routine of trying to impress him by putting on a show about how amazing and charming and fun I am. Our conversation flowed easily and we talked about yoga, spirituality and work, going past surface-level small talk but without any oversharing.
He brought up If the Buddha Dated and how he appreciated the author's concept of "crawling in love" -- getting to know each other slowly and deepening the connection over time -- as opposed to falling in love quickly, a passage I'd recently re- read and appreciated, too. Besides having a good conversation, I felt just the right amount of attracted to him -- more than I thought I would be based on his pictures, but not that crazy-all-consuming-fireworks-exploding attraction that has historically made me lose myself to obsession and fantasy about the person.
Saying goodbye on the street outside the coffee shop, he hugged me and told me he'd like to go out again. That night he emailed me to say he really enjoyed meeting me and asked if I'd like to go out again when he got back from his trip the following week, and I said yes.
Inconsistent, erratic behavior -- acting really interested and taking a lot of initiative and then disappearing, or being super on the ball with emailing and then not writing at all -- were all things that I'd experienced a lot of in my dating past and that were extremely painful to me. Last year, I made a list of qualities I wanted in someone I dated and another list of deal breakers I wouldn't tolerate, and all of the above were on the top of my deal breakers list.
Whereas in the past I would have been freaking out that I hadn't heard from him and taking it personally, I felt surprisingly, coolly detached. After all, I didn't actually know this person yet, and from what I was learning, he was not someone I wanted to be involved with. But I was also pissed. That Sunday afternoon, as I was walking to meet a friend, I saw him walking towards me, which was strange because even though we lived in the same neighborhood, I'd never seen him before our date.
This will show the woman that you are interested in further communication. However, formally asking her out on a date should wait until the two of you are chatting, flirting and bantering. This is especially important if a person shows further interest in you. Phones should be thought of as for emergencies only. I liked that he was showing interest in hearing from me while keeping it light and playful, and we soon scheduled a date. If someone fancies you to start off with, you might intrigue them by making them wait for a call.
Safely behind my sunglasses, I had a brief internal debate about if I should pretend I didn't see him and keep walking or stop and say hi, and my mature adult inner self won. OK, I get it!