They wanted to date a girl who was smart and independent enough to handle her own life, but also dependent enough to respect their choices, rely on them to make decisions, and get advice from them when faced with difficulties. You can see this contradictory expectation in female heroines of many K-dramas. She should be resilient but needs to be rescued when hardship arises.
I thought it more a fantasy of men who craved unequal power relations with their girlfriends than a reality. As a young woman, I kept wondering about how I should act, and how much of myself I should show men. In struggling, I sometimes found myself trying to do naesung and aegyo. Aegyo and naesung are two modes of behavior young women are expected to engage in when dealing with men.
Naesung on the other hand is acting coy, not being outright honest. Both terms are rarely used to prescribe how men should behave. Then in my late 20s, I met someone. He was in finance, in his first job after college.
I had already been working for several years by then. We dated over a year. For a long time, he never commented on my social gatherings or asked me to see him as my sole source of emotional support. He gave me space — and he gave himself space. He was considerate, and accepting. Then a miracle happened. I found myself voluntarily doing the so-called girlish actions, especially aegyo. I acted like a cute baby, even without trying. I was in love, of course, but what was happening to me? Many of my friends started to point out that I had changed a lot.
I stopped going on different social gatherings because I wanted to be like him — being considerate and focusing on our relationship. Through him, I learned relationship is like a mirror that reflects one another, because I realized it was he who had first engaged in some form of aegyo. Gradually, I started to feel that maybe naesung and aegyo in reality had been a part of my nature all along. Maybe I was finally enjoying a moment of repose, showing who I really am, in a safe space free from conventional definitions of gender roles. I finally had an answer to the question I had first posed in my early twenties: My outgoing personality, which attracted men, was not an obstacle to developing stable relationships.
I had never been the problem; I was fine the way I was in my entirety, whether independent, outgoing or girlish, and I could express myself fully if I was given space, without judgment. In my country, it doesnt matter how old you are or your position. You will get respected anyway. What are some common misconceptions about Korean men?
Not all Korean men are sweet or romantic. A lot of ladies around the globe swoon from the handsome idols on Korean entertainment. They believe in K-drama actors or idols and their characters to the point of thinking all or most Korean men look like one or act like one. Another misconception is living in Korea is heavenly or a paradise. Many struggles can be felt here especially among foreigners. Again, this country has only recently opened its doors to foreigners and a lot of misinformation about foreigners is still going around.
It takes time to get used to the Korean way of life and thinking. What advice would you give to someone wanting to date a Korean man? Marry or be with a man not because he is Korean but because of who he is. Cultural differences can always be an issue between interracial couples, but I believe personality clashes are more critical than cultural ones. It is tough to be in an interracial relationship especially here in Korea, so it is vital to be with someone who respects and accepts who you are.
Also, having standards based on shallow perceptions and foundations must be avoided. Laura met her Korean boo thang through Tinder after living in Seoul for eight months. Dating a Korean guy has enhanced my expat experience: Of course there are drawbacks like language barriers, miscommunications, different relationship expectations, and culture clashes. From a dating point of view the main difference is how quickly things move.
There is no second guessing if a guy likes you or not because he will make it clear he does straight away. Talking about things like marriage are common place from the offset he asked my views on marriage on our second date. Men here seem a lot more respectful, tell you how beautiful you are, and are very openly caring and gentlemanly. For example my boyfriend will carry my bags, open doors, and help me with anything. Go in with an open mind and an open heart and, as with dating in any country or culture be cautious, sensible and most of all enjoy it!
Deborah met her beau for coffee after one night of talking nonstop on a dating app. She was so impressed when she met Gunwoo, a handsome Korean rookie actor. You feel like a princess when dating a Korean, but it changes when your relationship becomes serious. I feel safe with Gunwoo and he helps me a lot with the living in Korea.
He found my new apartment and took care of all of it. After that, I never allowed it again. Korean guys are unable to express their feelings so they just get angry without telling you what the problem is. It can cause you to fight all the time. Unfortunately, many Koreans are not open minded enough and judgmental.
Foreigner girls mostly watch K-dramas and expect Korean guys to be the same in real life.
Some are romantic, but I hate to burst your bubble. I can say I found my soulmate, and you can all find yours. Talk a lot because expressing yourself is really important. Mesmi on Finding a Best Friend. Mika met her boyfriend in a bar in Hongdae while he was celebrating his birthday with friends. Sometime during the night, they ended up sitting next to each other and began talking.
The biggest benefit I see from a dating a Korean man in Korea is that he can be sort of a shield of sorts: What are the downsides of dating a Korean man? What cultural differences have you noticed? What are the most common misconceptions of dating Korean men? One misconception that annoys me as a black woman is that Asian men in general are weak, both physically, mentally and emotionally. There are weak men of every race and ethnicity, just like there are strong men. What advice can you give to women seeking love in Korea?
One of the surefire ways to meet someone here is in some kind of social setting: Lisa on Being an Interracial Couple in Korea. Rein met her husband on an online language exchange program where she was matched with her future husband who wanted to make international friends. After talking through Skype and Kakaotalk for one year, she moved to Korea to study, met him and they immediately clicked. There are no benefits or downsides to dating a Korean man. They are just like all other men from any other nationality.
Are you interested in asking out a cute Korean guy? I freaked out majorly and told my friend, who is also dating a Korean guy, about it. They expect to know your entire schedule in and out and also expects you to update him on your life constantly. Once you get serious, then the paying becomes a bit more even, maybe girls pay 3: Why does figuring out who pays for dinner feel like an intricate math problem?
I guess the question should be, what are the benefits and downsides to dating a guy in general. I married someone that fit me, thus we pretty much are on the same page about everything. I went to university in Korea and I know countless western university students who got their hearts broken by Korean men.
Not because of those guys, but because of their expectations of them.
Korean men are not like the K-dramas. This just shows the woman has a close-minded view.
I know plenty of Korean men who date dark skinned girls with brown eyes and love them for who they are. Every single Korean guy has his own personality and taste. Also, Muslim girls often ask me if it would be too hard for them to date Koreans as they eat a lot of pork. It is not a problem if you date someone after finding out that they respect your culture and values. There are enough Koreans who are very respectful about those things.
My husband understands this and makes sure everyone at a gathering does too. Lastly, do not act like a five year old when you see a nice guy. In dramas, Koreans love helpless and fragile girls. Nalu met her boyfriend two years ago while studying Korean at Yonsei University Campus.