Dating a nerdy guy reddit

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AskWomen benefits from honest answers with a variety of perspectives. On that note, saying, "Be honest," is rude and unnecessary. Familiarize yourself with Reddit Use the report button on all comments and posts that violate the rules in the sidebar. We have flair for men, women, trans folks, and gender neutral people. Whether you are a woman or a man, please do not speak for all women. While men can still offer input, if your view conflicts with a woman's, we ask that you do not downvote or invalidate her response. Are "scholarly" or "nerdy" men a turn off?

Like let's say if a guy is a good looking and a well mannered invidual but he enjoys fantasy, science, or programming. I feel as if this is a major turn off to a majority of woman, and I'm in high school for some reference. But it's not just the downvotes. It's the name calling and repetitive rhetoric that makes it such an unwelcoming place for different ideas.

It's condescending comments like yours that get in the way of the real give and take of conversation. I agree with you, but it's funny your name is "karmacredditor" although I'm guessing the actual interpretation is karmac redditor. Ha I don't know what I was going for. I think I was intending for it to be a play on karmic redditor, or karma creditor or something Anyway, I like my username because it reminds me that I should speak my mind no matter what other people on here I mean all of reddit, not just askwomen will think, irrespective of barbs or accolades. It's good practice for real life!

Keep an open mind and learn from others, but never hide your real thoughts just so that you won't be unpopular. A non-scholarly guy is a turn-off for me.

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  • Are "scholarly" or "nerdy" men a turn off? : AskWomen!

I want someone who I can learn from, and who wants to learn from me, too. Maaaaybe not the best relationship to hope for. Might I suggest looking for the Helo to your Athena instead? Definitely not the best relationship to hope for, though I quite appreciate how he looked with his shirt off. It's what shallowly hooked me on the show.

I feel like Mr. Martin is going to do to that relationship what he does to all the characters I like. So, probably not a good one. No, and not so much because of the incest part Tolkien and Marquez seem to have desensitised me to incest in literature as because that particular relationship isn't very interesting. But I do think it's headed towards a violent conclusion, as has happened with other characters that I do like.

I've only dated nerdy guys too! I think they're adorable and have their priorities straight.

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Honestly, at the point where you can recite players' statistics and team histories, you're firmly in football geek territory. Wearing a shirt with your favourite player's name and number on it isn't very different from cosplay. I've dated a number of engineers, and they are all ridiculously awesome. They've had interests ranging from MtG to robotics to various other board games to just absorbing information like the sponges they are.

StabbyBf is studying MechE and is currently building a robotic frog. It's in very early stages, but I think we're planning on working on it together as much as we can. We have a puzzle that we work on when he's visiting me, and then I think the frog will become what we do when I'm visiting him.

Welcome to Reddit,

I created the robot mamba with a couple friends in high school. Idk about the cane and top hat, but dancing isn't unreasonable. Media will tell you lies about what people look for in a SO, but don't take it to heart or let it cripple your desire to learn or make you think certain things you like are off-limits. If you're using "nerdy" as another way to say socially inhibited or awkward, then that's obviously not a turn-on. However, if you're using it to mean someone who is intelligent and has a passion for a certain topic--that's hella sexy.

You will always find someone who is into that stuff, and as long as you don't condescend to them or constantly whip out your knowledge like it's a dick, you're golden. We get all these girls walking along in tops that say 'geek' or 'nerd' on them whilst wearing oversized glasses and thinking that liking Harry Potter makes them so geeky. Having read a book or two and wearing a tshirt saying you're a geek because it's in fashion does not make a geek. These are the same girls who, not so long ago, would have been out in the previous fashions and wouldn't have been seen dead in fake glasses and tshirts with slogans on.

Seems like you're the one needing to grow up a bit, being unable to make a point without resorting to swearing is hardly mature. You said, at first, that it annoys you when men say there are fake geek girls when in your experience there aren't. In my experience however, there are. You have no idea about my attitudes to anything, never mind towards women in gaming industries. Seems the prejudice you experience at work has clouded your views of normal people. People can class themselves as whatever they like, it doesn't affect me nor bother me in the slightest.

Maybe you should try not taking everything so personally when it's written on the internet before coming to a conclusion about what I think. I know that you consider yourself an expert in judging whether people wearing some kinds of t-shirts are worthy of doing so. That's something I didn't even know about myself. I don't care what tshirts they wear, I was making a point about the fact the guys who mention fake geek girls have a point.

It's all down to experience, and as a colleague of a few of these girls I'm well aware they have no interest in anything remotely geeky, it's just the fashion over here at the minute. Yes, that attitude towards you is stupid, and I never said there was a criteria. I was speaking from experience, as you are. I'm not part of any problem, I don't have the criterias or attitudes you seem to think I do. You've hit upon a sacred cow of online feminist-chique. No critique of other women is ever allowed. Next you're going to defend 'nice guys' because they want you to see them at their best so that they can form a relationship with you.

They're really these evil guys who want to use you like a machine where they 'insert niceness' and get 'sex' back.

Of course they can. Fuck, I was speaking from experience of some girls I worked with that only claimed to be these geeky people because it's fashion to wear the tshirts. Because they're only wearing the stuff and claiming to be geeks because it's cool to be like that now. Join the rest of them. It may make no sense if you've not experienced the culture over here, but it does from where I am. Stay true RosesAndGuns, you're clearly being downvoted by fake geek girls.

Only they would deny the obvious truth of their existence. Believe it or not, a GUY told me I should never date a nerd because, as I quote, they are "sexist and elitist". I'm sorry to say nerdy boys have to prove they are pro-girls before I consider dating them.

It's like there is this cultural trope that many nerds seem to buy into that they aren't sexist assholes 'like those athletic types', when in reality someone's interests are not always indicative of their views towards women. I've met feminist nerd men and I've met sexist asshole nerd men. Just like I've met athletic men who are interested in women's rights and athletic men who are totally sexist.

I think what bothers me the most about sexist nerd men is they think they're all kinds of socially progressive for liking scifi or reading a comic with a female lead character. They then follow this up with objectifying comments about said character and how she's not as good at the male characters. And yes, I totally agree the fake geek girl idea is awful. Women can genuinely like things without vying for male attention. It's like it hasn't occured to them that there is more to a woman's life that attracting a man - I suspect it is because they worry so much about attracting women that they assume women are doing the same thing.

But then they are jerks to smart women, so they come out with comments about how all women are friendzoning selfish jerks and it just foes downhill from there. Men in general - nerdy or not - are often judged on their sexist behaviour, and what's shocking is they don't correlate their behaviour with their single-ness. Many seem to just assume they have to be more of an 'alpha male' to score the HB7, rather than understanding that said HB7 is a human being who would like to be treated as such, and by making her an object of conquest they've managed to kill any chance they might have had based on mutual interest.

This is why I'm drawn to smart guys, but not nerdy guys. There are a lot of problems in typical male-dominated "nerd culture. This is so true. It is interesting that allot of women here don't seem to have incorporated this into their understanding of the term: I've had a lot of guy friends who could be considered nerdy.

Want to add to the discussion?

They normally attracted girls who were similar into the same fandoms they were, read the same books, played the same videogames or that 'nerdy' side of them wasn't the most important to them. They enjoyed other things as well and had many other interests. I wouldn't be unappealing to me unless you went on and on about activities I'm not involved or interested in. People tend to like people who have something in common with them. Women who are attracted to scholarly, nerdy types are likely to be scholarly and nerdy themselves.

In high school, most people haven't yet split out "what I think I'm supposed to like" from "what I actually like" some people never do, btw. I've found it pretty common for nerds of both genders to crush pretty hard on someone who ticks all of the "supposed to like" boxes, but with whom they have nothing in common. So, yes, tons of women are attracted to scholarly men, but in high school they may not have yet realized what they're really attracted to vs.

It's a two-way street, as well; many a nerdy girl wonders why they are ignored in favor of their non-geeky counterparts. LOL, that describes most of my social group, male and female. Nerdy women tend to like men who are passionate, especially about the same things they are. As a STEM chick though, there's a large population of guys in the field who think their problem with women is due to being nerdy when really they're just jerks. I wouldn't say it's a turn off for the majority of women.

It's not a turn off for me. It gets a little annoying when he's on his computer for hours and hours and hours, but I like that he is intelligent and can explain things to me about science or computers that I might have not understood before. Only if they're uppity or pretentious about it fedora wearing neckbeard militant atheists anyone? Also nothing against atheists.

I'm one myself but the militant asshole type are a HUGE turnoff. I would love that and I'm pretty sure that when you step out of the high school circle of girl, many girls would feel the same.


Scholarly men are my kinda men, as long as they aren't know it alls. However, I wouldn't consider you scholarly. In high school, yeah those things are likely a turn off to most women. Once you are older though, and in university, those interests tend to be more welcomed. As someone who considers herself very nerdy and aspires to be scholarly, no. Why associate 'scholarly' with 'fantasy'? Sure, there may be scholars who enjoy fantasy, but that doesn't make it a scholarly activity. No, I enjoy a smart man who intellectually stimulates me.

I dislike a man who uses everything as an opportunity to show his specialized knowledge and make people look inferior. I have a lot of genius friends. Who can't get a date. My pictures and bios are fine. I'm not a creeper. And throughout my life, there have been a few girls that have said or hinted that I'm above average-looking. Despite all this, still no success. I've read the studies about how minorities tend to have low success rates in online dating.

I thought that with enough time, I could overcome this, especially considering that the majority of girls I tried interacting with were also black, but I guess not. I'm still going to hold out and continue using online dating just in case, but I'm also going to have to do more in order to get myself out there.

I want to start approaching women in real life and see how that goes. However, thanks to my failures in online dating, in addition to my anxiety, geeky interests, and slight social awkwardness, I feel pretty discouraged. And thus, that brings me to my main question:. For the guys out there who are like me, but have still managed to get into relationships, can you share your stories? Where did you meet your significant other?

How did you go about initiating your relationship? What can guys like me do to improve ourselves? But, how do you dress? Do you look put together? Women love nice guys, they don't like pushovers. If you're too scared to make a move, to approach a girl, to speak your mind or to take control when need be , then you're not going to get anywhere.

Women love nice guys, they don't like boring guys. I'm not saying to stop being a geek. You'll always be one. I'm 30 and I'm watching Mob Psycho as I write this. You need to be able to talk about shit other than Star Wars. Occasionally put away the online dating. The best relationships I had were with women I met in person. Approach two or three women a day. Go to the library, go to museums, women are everywhere.


This is a numbers game. Eventually, it'll be second nature and then the fun will begin. It will boost your health and your confidence. Dress well, then go outside and say to women "Hi, my name is ilovetoeatpie. I'm at the mall now she told me her name is Asya but I don't have have a follow up question You are not her entertainer.

See if she got a job, if she go to school. Just because you find her attractive doesn't mean she is actually even worth your time. That's why you are talking to this person, to find out if they are worthy. So ask the questions that YOU want to know. Good lookin out, cuz I haven't honestly talked to a woman that I haven't already known in a couple years. There are things written on this subject that are worth studying. An immediate answer to your dilemma, for example. Past wisdom teaches us that people love talking about themselves. You want to talk to someone?

Ask them about themselves. I really, really wouldn't suggest this if OP is the nerdy introverted type like he says.

Talking to a girl cold turkey somewhere off of a simple "Hi" is some high level social shit. He'd be much better off going after girls he sees on the regular and can build on shit with. Like girls in class, some kind of club, or in his friend group. You need some serious confidence to pick a girl up just walking down the street and I doubt OP has that if he's asking strangers on the internet for tips. Finally something I can contribute to I don't have the anxiety issue though. So I am assuming you are reasonably fit, wear decent clothes and meet some of the other basic stuff women look for.

Sounds shallow but it's true. There were plenty of smart black women. One girl sat next to me on a ride to a conference and fell asleep on me. I was completely clueless. When we got back one of the other girls asked me if I got her phone number. Then a light bulb went off and it made sense lol. I didn't do much other than attend a couple meetings but I was sure to be funny when the opportunity presented itself and be normal around her.

One night after drinking with my friends, I messaged her on Facebook and got her phone number. I'm 30 years old now but I still use a similar tactic. I have a friend who is pursuing his Ph. D and I attend his minority based grad school mixers. I guess it also helped that was in grad school for a short amount of time also. My buddy is a popular guy and I used him to help me determine who was single and what not. Often he would introduce me to women.

Then from there I had to carry a conversation. In this environment I am not smooth or anything like that. So after the initial hello my name is crap, I often talk about my hobbies. I like to travel, take pictures and cook. Cooking is a great one for some reason. If a woman is really feeling it she might even say something like "You should cook for me sometime.

Yes, this has happened to me. The last girl I dated I met at an ugly sweater party and she did not find me attractive or anything like that. She was one of those popular cute girls that everyone wanted to smash. The first time I met her I tried talking to her about school and what not. Anyway, a few months go by and I keep going to events. Kept seeing her and just kept it casual. Eventually at some point I don't remember how exactly, I messaged her on Facebook and asked her to hangout. We hung out a couple times but I was way too aggressive.

I wasn't patient and gave up. But I still saw her at events and what not. I always made sure to wear my nicer clothes to these events. Side note - your clothes don't have to be expensive to look nice. Eventually her and I started hanging out again almost 2 years later. This time I actually was patient. At one point she asked me what I wanted from her. I told her straight up I wanted to be her man. I cooked her for her. The first time I cooked for her I was actually a little nervous and cut myself. Side note 2 - You should have a go-to default meal that you can cook and impress a woman with.

Food turned out OK. It took me probably weeks before I kissed her. She has this youngish personality which can make things really awkward. So I never forced the situation. Just go with the flow. I asked her to kiss me for our first kiss. She said what she really liked about me was that I was able to talk about my feelings. I am not emotional but I am not afraid to talk about about my fears, dreams, intentions, problems and so on when I am comfortable with someone. So that could be another thing you could work on.