We like the same music and TV. My mom loves him.
My dog loves him. He smiles at me and my knees still go weak since the first time I saw him in that high school cafeteria ten years ago. Being with him has shaped my life. But life with him is tearing me apart. And then I realize. All these memories I have of us being happy are from over a year ago. So I tell him this. Did I do something? Is there someone else? I ask him what he wants through ragged breaths, trying not to cry but the tears spilling out my eyes nonetheless.
We grab breakfast together; I fidget with my meal and he sits, charming as ever, looking at me sideways and I feel a knife rip into my insides. I drive him back to his place. I pull out of the driveway and start my way down to Los Angeles. Slowly, achingly slowly, moving onward, my insides hollow and throbbing with hurt, biting back tears, onto a new life.
We both come from families of divorce. The only thing you can do is sit down and have a real talk with him. You need to have a clear talk.
Explain why you want to do it, and why it needs to be sooner rather than later. You need to make yourself abundantly clear and then put the ball in his court.
He knows by now if he wants to marry you or not, and you need to get on the same page with this. You have put in 8 years, of course you want things to move forward. How old are you two? What ages were you when your parents split up?
I think both these answers have some importance. I think you need to evaluate your position—you need to have that talk with him about if your relationship is headed towards marriage, and if so what kind of timeline he had in mind.
Then you need to ask yourself those same questions. Unfortunately, in my case I uncovered a really deep rooted issue around marriage for him and basically had to push him to decide if he wanted to be together or not because it was past time to make a decision. Is there any way you guys can elaborate on this conversation?
He needs to be shaken out of his comfort zone. I have friends who dated for 10 years before getting engaged and are happily married with kids. My story is that I dated my x-bf for 7 years before we broke up, partly due to my fustrations of not moving forward and taking the next steps. After we broke up and were talking again about things, I asked him what the problem was? BUT, we decided 4 years ago to buy a house instead of getting married…it was a better investment….
Wow, thank you everyone for the responses. I should have elaborated a bit more.
He must have 2 plans: a main plan on when he is going to marry you, and a contingency plan if the main plan does not work. In each plan, he must have a. When I was working in the ER, we'd often treat a “last ditch effort”. like twelve year olds, superficial dating apps where men don't favor overweight . us is the distance, and maybe the fact that we've been together for 7 years.
We already pay for the vacation, so the ceremony would make it all that much more memorable and special. But when is the timing ever right? For kids or marriage? Attending weddings with your boyfriend can become awkward. What keeps you together, if not marriage? Nothing is holding you together other than your devotion to each other.
You sense your friends pitying you and you hate it. They assume there must be a reason. A lot of people assume you just got married at some point and they missed the memo.
My mom loves him. It doesn't take that long to figure out if you want to marry me esp we've been together this long -you know if I'm the one or not. I can only imagine what the other woman felt when she found out. Then you need to ask yourself those same questions. If your 'walk date' was Sept 1st and you didn't walk? I ask him what he wants through ragged breaths, trying not to cry but the tears spilling out my eyes nonetheless.
But you and your partner both know that somewhere out there, certain friends or family members are wondering about it. You own a home together. You may even have children together.