Certain words are attention grabbing because they sound delicious.
Notice how it starts off with a light compliment. Complimenting her will often give you points, but only if you focus on intangible qualities like intelligence or her accomplishments. Paying her a more meaningful compliment is a breath of fresh air for her. Mentioning something yummy-sounding works just as well on dating apps. In fact, it literally stimulates your brain and makes you feel good.
And the better she feels about talking to you, the more likely she is to share her number. The example above is more suited for a dating site where longer messages are the norm, but you can get her talking about herself on a dating app with a short message like this:. Those three elements are crucial if you want to get a response to your online dating opener. Weekday evenings are generally best — many women unwind from a long day at work by firing up a dating app while catching up on Netflix.
According to Nielsen , activity on both OkCupid and Tinder peaks at 9 pm, and usage starts to rapidly decline after 10 pm. On Bumble, the real action starts a little earlier, with activity peaking at 6 pm. And if you happen to find yourself stuck inside due to inclement weather like a blizzard, hurricane or rainstorm, put these first message examples to good use.
I agree that it is tiresome to write back and forth repeatedly. I have a pretty busy life, and all that time spent emailing can feel like having another part time job. So, I have been receptive to men who in their initial contact with me say something like: I am the kind of person who likes to just meet and see if we can hit it off instead of emailing back and forth repeatedly.
Wanna hang out tonight? Text me at " posted by medeine at If she sends the first email, then I think he could ask her out on the first email he sends Well, I'm not sure why you say most responses say he should wait till the second email he sends, since your own advice would seem to suggest a different rule: If the second email altogether is sent by her, then by definition he'll have to wait till the next email to ask her out.
And there is another view, which is basically that the OP should go for it in the first message. And yes, there are qualifications to that advice, but the qualifications pretty much go without saying: In other words, if all other factors are positive , is sending an initial message asking her out a good or bad idea?
There seems to be no consensus on that: So you might as well try it either way and see what happens to work for you. On post-view, make that: Haven't read any of the comments, but for me, I wouldn't be into being asked to commit to an in-person date on the first email.
I understand that frustration, really I do, but as a lady, one of the ways I evaluate ok, evaluated, because I'm with a long-term partner I'm very happy with potential mates is by their written communication ability. This is likely because I'm a nerd and love to read, but I'm not at all interested in people who can't represent themselves credibly in a letter. Rather than focus and get frustrated by the quantity of emails, I'd suggest doing something like this: Think about what you want to say, and say something personal, don't use a line or a paragraph just because it has seemed to work before and you're tired of typing.
If you don't want to write something personal to the person you're interested in dating, maybe you should reconsider if you're actually interested in them. Don't write an essay, don't write a one liner, just keep it moderately short but specific. Say why you're interested, say something about you, ask them a question, say you hope to hear from them. Ideally don't mention their personal characteristics as this is nearly always a turn-off, no matter how suavely you do it.
They're interested, they reply to your question, they ask questions of their own. They may actually suggest you guys have coffee. Respond to their questions briefly but completely and say you'd love to pick up the conversation over coffee. Suggest a time and a place, give them your phone number, and ask them if that would work for them.
If not, when would suit them? If you don't suggest coffee on your second email, suggest it on your third. I wouldn't go past four email conversations without getting together in person. If they are really resistant to getting together in person, find out if there is a reason. If there isn't a good reason, move on to another person.
I personally think that if you do indeed send a second email and get no . And cardinal rule in surviving online dating: Don't take it personally. I've already given you some do's and don'ts of online dating. You also have Now you need to work on your second message .So you sent.
But no, don't ask me out on the first email. It sounds desperate and rushed, neither of which are good characteristics to convey. I like to compare online dating to a large party.
It's just a way of making an introduction. If a friend of yours told you all about a girl, then introduced you two and walked away, wouldn't you still talk to her a little bit before asking for her number? Even if I had sent the first email, I would not have wanted the guy to email me back with an immediate invitation for a date and to be clear, I did the online thing for years and met my husband via Craigslist. I get not wanting to do the back and forth a lot but still think there's a sweet spot at about 3 emails that makes it okay to ask without devolving into a protracted email ping-pong game.
Well, I'm not sure why you say most responses say he should wait till the second email he sends, since your own advice would seem to suggest a different rule: Yes, in my second post, I said that the guy could send an invitation on his first email IF she sent him an email first AND if it was clear that he is not looking desperate. That second part is hard to qualify objectively, so better safe than sorry: I do suggest that if you ask right away, and a girl responds to your email but not to your invitation, send her another couple of emails and then ask again if you're still interested.
Sometimes girls play coy or hard-to-get, as ill-advised as it might seem online. Or do whatever you want. I think it's polite and respectful to wait until both parties express interest even emailing you back can qualify as "interest" before asking for a date. I know the protracted email exchange is tedious, but a lot of women myself included use it to weed out the creeps, and I would be immediately suspicious of a guy who wanted to bypass it entirely.
I think the risk is more that you'll seem like you're mailing hundreds of date requests out to every random girl within a 20 mile radius. Asking for a date on the first email -- and I mean either their first email i. Not a woman, but a retired veteran of the online dating scene: I am female and a veteran of the online dating scene. Let's meet at X and have some tea. Maybe if I look at your profile I can give you better advice. It may take some of you longer than others.
You might be able to tell from someone's profile if you want to meet them, but I don't think everyone feels that way, and I think you'll scare off a lot of women who might otherwise be interested. Well, there is one questions: Is it you know Or is it a casual chat over coffee?
There is a distinction that you should make if you do ask for a date in the first email. I think the better approach for a guy would be to at least go through three or so solid replies before asking for a meeting.
If you want to meet without conversation, stick to Craigslist - because that's where the women who want to meet without conversation first, are more likely to be found. Asking for a date on the first email -- and I mean either their first email i. I almost always said no; the couple of times where I did go out with the guy who asked me out immediately, I regretted it. I wonder if I can politely figure a way to go home in the next 15 minutes.
I think it takes at least 2 or 3 exchanges from each person to develop a basic rapport, at which point it's fine to ask for the date. That said, be willing to be flexible: I forget now before we were actually able to get together. I found across the board that if there were no plans to meet made by the third email, there never would be. The guys who ask in the first or second emails want to meet you.
They want to get away from the computers and "the friend zone. They do things instead of sitting around talking about the idea of doing things. As a female, I found that if the guy didn't ask you out after 3 emails, he was there to be your pen-pal, and nothing more. On the other hand, I never once said yes to an immediate, first-email invitation. It just felt wrong, for all the reasons others have listed above. I'm pretty new to online dating, but have found the exchange of two or three emails really useful to me before meeting up and that the "norms" set up by the site help me decide whether I wanted more contact with that person.
Of course everyone approaches these things differently. One example of what you're proposing that worked for me: Guy 1 emails me, tells me a bit about himself and what he liked about my profile, suggests he'd like to meet up but is happy to email a bit first if I'm more comfortable with that, seems happy to accomodate my preference to start with some emailing. Example of what didn't work for me: Guy 2 emails me, three line email about how much he hates emailing and using the site and would I just give him a call on [number] to get around all that crap.
Needless to say, I never contacted guy 2. How you get away with it depends entirely on how you frame it. I think the two to three email guideline is probably a good one -- lets both parties get some comfort before meeting in person. I met my now wife via an online dating website. So coming from a guy's perspective I totally see where you're coming from.
I agree, it's a waste of time to email back and fourth 10 times before setting up a date. My goal was always to meet a girl sooner then later for same reasons you've brought up Usually coffee was the first meet up because it's casual, safe, and leaves an easy out for either party. Something a bit more interesting for a first meet up is ice cream. It's less cliche and often more fun.
That being said, I usually asked out a girl after her first or second email response. I email her once to say hi, tell her specifically what I liked about her profile, and that it'd be good to get to know each other better. You wanna make sure you're specific about her profile so she knows you've taken the time to read it, and feel the two of you have something in common. Then if she responds positively I then respond to her going for the first date. This usually worked well in most cases. Asking a girl out on the first email will usually scare them away.
Don't be so quick so jump the gun. It means you have to wait just a little bit longer to initiate the first meet up See, this is the trouble with online dating. Actually, with dating in general, but it's a lot worse with online dating because there are few to no contextual cues to go on. Everyone has these rules that seem obvious to them, but they think they're obvious to everyone and that there's something wrong with people who don't follow them. At least not in a time on the order of a few days. So, the profile is about as much information as you're going to get, so why not skip to actually meeting someone?
I also hear a similar situation where a guy winks at a girl and then she winks back but never hears anything from him again. I would say you should feel free to reach out to him again. Whatever the reasons, this seems to happen a lot so I seriously doubt it was your email or your approach.
To me it sounds like your response to him was fine. Brad, This is in reference to whether or not to send a second email. My situation new to online dating and had a girl wink at me very shortly after being on the site. It was sentences and asked her about traveling and how she enjoyed certain countries she had listed. So should I chalk it up to lesson learned and move on or try for the second email which I understand could be creepy.
Thanks for any advice. I was having a convo over a week with a guy and had lots in common. I gave him loads of compliments and he did me. He repeatedly said that he did not believe I was real. He was 5 years older than me and called me young, hot and cute at one point. He seemed surprised that I liked him and kept asking for me to send photos he stipulated not pervy, just of me one night halfway through our conversation I just logged off without saying bye. Then I can move on.
Any advice would be a godsend?: Hi, maybe you can help me better understand online dating. I have been on Match. Maybe if I look at your profile I can give you better advice. There is a profile of someone I think would be really interesting to meet on Match. I emailed her about six months ago, but I never heard a response. I followed it up with a second email about two weeks later, and still no response.
About a month later, I noticed her profile went dormant.