go to site Don't know what exactly you are asking here. I tried to trust him. Tried to listen to him not lying to me. I think it was caused by: I was too vulnerable Was this helpful? Yes No I need help If you are seeing red flags already then it is time to move on. He seems to not have time for you which means that either he has someone already or he is just not that into you. There are people who have highly demanding jobs yet still make what little time they have to spend with their significant other.
Back off contacting him to see if he starts to pay more attention to you. Regardless of the red flags, if you start a relationship with him then expect to be alone most of the time with him so career focused. If you can settle for that then wait for him to start contacting you. My boyfriend has another girlfriend, she lives in another state. I found that out a year ago, but I kept seeing him. I am not sure if he has met her face to face. He has blocked me from Facebook, and will not allow me on his phone. His birthday was yesterday, I had decided 2 weeks ago to leave him after his birthday, without saying a word I haven't said a word to him, I thought it would pass.
I have watched them, became friends with her on another profile.. I started to write her about this, but I didn't. Nothing, its about him..
Yes No I need help You are doing the right thing by breaking this off. He has kept someone else in his life for more than a year that lives in another state. There are some serious trust issues with that. You could contact the other woman and I personally would if I was in your situation. Not to be confrontational but more to let her know that you both wasted a year or more of your life on someone who can't commit to one person.
Perhaps they had an agreement that they could see other people while they were apart but either way, it is not fair to you to stay with someone who keeps another person on the side. Yes No I need help. What should I do? Do you think he is seeing someone else? He never says he is sorry about the phone call. We go out on a date, and he walks behind me, never with me. I have gone to the park with him. I think he is scared people will see me with him. I think he has a girlfriend, and he wants another woman on the side Was this helpful?
Yes No I need help To know for sure, make up an excuse to go to his place. Someone who does not want to be seen in public with you has a reason for avoiding being near you. Maybe he is just shy or does not know how to interact properly in a social setting but this is a red flag that something is up. He is taking you to public places which tell you that he is trying to make an effort but perhaps it is misguided. Keep your guard up!
Yes No I need help Do you have a girlfriend? I don't know why this should be a problem. This is no problem. Yes No I need help Just because there are members of the opposite sex around you all the time is not a reason to cheat. You are right in saying that people need to value themselves but that also means that they will have self respect and dignity. Yes No I need help I have a friend, she has noticed that her husband has another woman with a 7 months baby.
I have a friend, she has noticed that her husband has another woman with a 7 months baby. What can she do because she feels being cheated?. She found him with another child who she has been taking charge of. I will be happy to hear from you as an expert.. Thanks Was this helpful? Yes No I need help Your friend needs to end her marriage. It has already ended the minute her husband had an affair that produced a child. Unfortunately, he has also stopped communication with your friend when he is home.
He has already emotionally left the marriage. Now your friend should physically and legally end the marriage. Restarting her life as a single woman will be difficult but she will be emotionally better as time heals. Yes No I need help How do I get to the bottom of it? Hi, I think my boyfriend lies and hides important things from me. We've known each other for 20 months and been together in a relationship for 18 months.
Have not seen the place where he lived, apparently, he had moved in with me without my knowledge! Have not met his friends or family 1 friend of him I met once , although his family does not live close. His phone is off limit and I have this gut feeling he is hiding something important. How can I get to the bottom of it?. Analyze and ask questions. He is very private, had been hurt in the past but I have been very open and sharing and straight forward with him, it did not work Was this helpful?
Yes No I need help Someone who has never introduced you to his family after 18 months of dating is hiding something pretty big. It could just be that he is not close to his family and does not have many friends but you should have at least had an introduction to his family over a telephone or Skype video call. Especially if he is living with you. Since he has moved in with you, put your foot down and demand that he come clean with you or explain why he is so secretive.
Otherwise, tell him that he can find somewhere else to live and someone else to date. You have invested enough time dating that there should be a talk of future plans together. Don't make any until you find out who he really is. For your sake, hopefully, he is just antisocial and not hiding bigger secrets. Yes No I need help Am I the "bad guy" in all of this? I just recently found out that my boyfriend of 3 years has been talking and meeting an old girlfriend from the past. I believe that they message each other daily but I haven't found out how.
We were separated last July and 3 days after he left he met her at her house. He told me he hated her and he felt sorry for her, and she has messed up her life so bad and he couldn't stand her. All I know is that he argues with me and no physical intimacy for months now which is a red flag.
The investigator said she stalks him and knows where he is at, she has been at his work. His co- workers say that he told them they are just friends, he says he is moving out but has not done it, this is day 3. He is very defensive and tries to cause fights, some even physical, like shoving me around. Pushing me up against the wall, preventing me from leaving.
Makes fun of me when I cry. Says I am crazy, that he is a good man and hasn't been talking to anyone else. Counseling, meeting with our pastor, individual counseling. They made contact with each other during separation and starting texting each other and have not stopped. Yes No I need help First, physical violence is never acceptable. Pushing can lead to further violence and he needs to control that or get some anger management therapy. When he makes fun of you crying, it may be an insecure reaction because he does not know what to do about it or how to console you.
My friend introduced me to a friend of hers a guy after some times, he started dating, everything is moving well, he show me the kind of love no one has ever showed but the my girlfriend talks about him assures me that she knows everything about him including his favourite food and so many things but my boyfriend doesn't like saying anything about her.
One day my girlfriend begged me to tell my guy to employ her in his place of work, I did as she said but at the end she was employed. Not quite long, I started suspecting something. Firstly was there love chats,not feeling free whenever they call each other when am around and the one that really touched me is that I found out recently that she has been working with him for a very long time before asking me for the favour of employment.
Am so confused, I don't know whether to ask them. Please I need your help. Am in a state of confusion right now because I don't know whether to ask my boyfriend about what I found out concerning he and my best friend Was this helpful? This section is not written yet.
Want to join in? Click EDIT to write this answer. I found out a few months ago that my boyfriend of 3 years has been "hanging out" with another female. I was fine with that. I didn't see it as an issue. Until I was scrolling through Facebook and decided to look her up and it says shes in a relationship with MY boyfriend. I confronted him about it and he says that he lets her believe they are in a relationship because shes loaded with money and she does anything he asks her too. But then I find out hes going to her house and spendimg the night.
I found naked pictures of her on his phone. Alomg with pictures she had sent him of prenatal vitamins and preconception health pills? When he talks to her on the phone they sound like they have been married for years. He's becoming less and less intimate with me. He rarely ever comes home. He doesn't call me and rarely answers when I call. The whole three years weve been together I've constantly had to deal with other females. I've never felt like I was the only one.
But yet I still can't find it in myself to leave him. I don't know what to do!
My situation is different from others because I legit have actual proof that my boyfriend is being physical with this girl and in an actual relationship with her. He doesn't want me to leave him but yet when I say I'm definitely going to of he doesn't erase her from his life completely I think hes bored with me but he doesn't want anyone else to have me. So he leads me to believe his relationship with her is for nothing but his financial needs when in reality shes actually the one hes got feelings for now. I can't confront him about anything that has to do with her.
I camt even bring her up in a conversation without him getting all hostile and defensive. He tells me to mind my business and shut up. If you have problems with any of the steps in this article, please ask a question for more help, or post in the comments section below. Thanks to all authors for creating a page that has been read 95, times. Meet Donna , She is a stormchaser, photojournalist, and foodie who is into cookie, eclectic crafts and pop culture. I enjoy hiking, exploring old and haunted buildings, swimming and camping with my fireman spouse.
Watching and making movies is my passion. Among her best articles are: Log In via Login Sign Up. Home Articles Community My Profile. Tips and Warnings Questions and Answers Comments. He never takes you to places where his friends might be. He hardly ever calls you by your first name. He never takes you to his place. You can never get in touch with him outside of your scheduled dates.
He has never introduced you to his friends, family or his co-workers, or people. In his wallet, he keeps pictures of his former girlfriend. His cell phone is strictly off limits. Neither your pictures nor pictures of the two of you together make it to his Facebook page. The Tinder Revolution leads to frustration and emptiness. When someone is dating multiple people and not focusing on you, time is passing by. Not one minute of those two months was focused exclusively on you, a prerequisite to really evaluating taking a relationship to the next step.
So you hang in there with anxiety and hope while another month goes by. If you had dated exclusively, both of you would have come to this place sooner and not wasted precious time. In the future, from the first date, let the guy know what you want and need: I want to be with you without the distraction of other men.
I expect you to treat me with the same courtesy. Sometimes guys need to tell women this as well. My trusted friends were just speaking this a major Jew problem that does not affect the Hindu, nor Muslims. Women from 20 to 60 are confused by the term "Independent". City life vs the Farm life, women not working with their husband together inn the same work and home arena, has produced an emotionally inept adult children syndrome, a sickness.
Children running off to high priced university, living in the Social Lifestyle, has condemned our Grandparents struggles to come to the USA.. You want to meet, meet at AISH. Laying down rules on a first date seems wrong. I think a sensible woman does not start an intimate relationship immediately, and by a third date, can legitimately say, are we exclusive. Outside some orthodox communities, talking about marriage on a first date seems strange, something like a man asking for financial statements or discussing prenuptial agreements.
By the completion of a third date, one hopefully knows a man and can say I would like to continue to date just you. And it was on my bday. I just knew how it made me feel so I gave him the choice to continue to date me but this time exclusively, or I saw no reason to see him again. Haven heard from him since and that was nearly a month ago.
You shouldn't even mention Tinder.. Why only dating only one when he can have them all.. Can you really be yourself when you know that you are competing with other unknown suitors? Until you are engaged or a proposal is made both male and female are free to date as many people as they desire.
Exclusivity boundaries are critical in providing in sight to a potential date. This article is perhaps the first article, from its introduction to its logical conclusion, that seeks to empower the "unwitting victim of the new culture of the Tinder revolution". As one of those victims, I was often left perplexed by the obvious contradiction of dating multiple partners while trying to select the "one". The prerequisite to really evaluating a potential partner must be done with exclusivity boundaries in place, since this is by far the best way to achieve as safe and anxiety- free environment as possible to make such a critical decision.
When multiple suitors are circulating in the backdrop of a couple trying to forge a healthy relationship, it makes for an unecessarily confusing situation. Further, the expectation to accept this chaos is inherently off putting, and anyone caught up in this debacle, needs to locate their courage, self-respect and question the Tinder revolution process.
I met someone on a dating website, who lives far way, and we hit it off and been writing to each other everyday and skyping for about a month. He's flying to see me in another month and there is a lot of pressure and build-up as we're going to meet for the first time! In this situation, do you think it's ok to date other people? I think he might be and it makes me feel uneasy, and we've never even met!
What do you think? Should I say something? Or should I wait until we meet? This demand of exclusivity is going to scare a lot of man and woman. Its very possible that a man is dating a few women and is not sure, demanding exclusivity early in the game will scare the man especially if they did not have sex yet. If a guy has an intimate relationship with one woman non committal he is not going to drop her for another so fast but he may do it if the chemistry is there and he feels the lady in front of him is a better choice and this takes time.
A lady who is demanding from day one exclusive relations will probably scare off a good man more then get him, its better to be patient and believe in yourself and let the better woman win his heart. Maria , July 11, 8: A good man does not date around I'm sorry, but such a man is simply not serious about really starting a monogamous relationship. If he were, he would be trilled to learn that the woman he likes so much is giving him all her attention. But if he's not sure he actually likes her, of course he wants to date around! Let me put it this way: I think we all know which answer makes sense.
And if a man doesn't like you enough, then there's no point in dating him. Anonymous , October 24, 3: If you have already gone out three or four times, then there is wisdom in this argument. But to expect someone on a first date not to be going out with anyone else is silly Very accurate this article accurately depicts college dating. Tinder has revolutionized the dating game for young adults. After reading the article and all the comments below it, one fact strikes me as obvious: If he's going out with other girls, then he's not that into you.
We can blame new technology or shadchanim or all kinds of things. But the bottom line is: If the guy felt something special with her, he wouldn't go out with other girls. She spoke to him about it, he didn't respond as she may have wanted him to: Sorry to say it so bluntly. I think we all know when someone is "into" us, and when we are "into" someone else. All the rest is commentary. If a man is serious about dating for marriage he'll likely agree to not date multiple women simutaneously. If he won't agree it seems to me it tells you a lot about his willingness to put his desires on hold for even for a short while.
As a man it's confusing to date more than one woman simultaneously, as one is unable to focus on her qualities alone. The temptation to give an unsuitable candidate more time before moving on is also likely as one can still see others. I don't think that is kind. I married only after I decided to date one woman at a time. Ultimately the object of dating is to get married. Until you get to a point of being serious enough for marriage, being constrained by this is not practical.
Part of dating, in the beginning is understanding who would make a suitable mate. Dating sequentially in a exclusively although is possible for getting to the marriage state, not dating exclusively isn't immoral, and can also in the beginning be helpful in understanding which type of mate would be most successful for a marriage. The author is right on.
Dating exclusively is the only honest way to date. It really depends on the community you are in. Did I date exclusively? If this young lady is traveling in frum circles, it is not out of line or inappropriate to ask to be exclusive. It is understood that both are marriage minded. If she is not traveling in frum circles or in frum but more modern circles, she needs to make clear that she is dating for marriage and wants to be exclusive. This guy has already waffled, he is seeing other people, he is not ready.
She should simply say that she thinks they want different things likely true and end this relationship. After four or five dates, if he doesn't like her enough to be exclusive, he doesn't like her enough During my senior year of college, I had multiple dates with 4 men in the same time frame. By the end of first semester I was only seeing one of them. We got engaged in Feb and married that autumn.
That was almost 33 years ago In a huge university there were also many potential partners.
And in Hashems good time, I met and married my bashert. When a] shadchanim and tachlis sites have had policies that allow for juggling--at least at the outset of dating [for argument's sake, say within the first two dates for both genders]--and b] when one considers that it's been that way since before smartphones were even a conception--one might think this entire thesis is tenuous. Getting attached after a first date to the point where you "go crazy" is a sign of confused boundaries. IF the encounter involved a chance meeting and some romantic notions catalyzed the dates, then juggling would be illegitimate.
But after a setup? Just like with Rebbetzin Braverman's piece on facebook--we have to stop blaming social media apps for the ostensible "shidduch crisis" [which is as salient as global warming--which is to say, neither one is Toireh Misinai]. Tinder seems to attract these "fabulous" types who excel at short-term, superficial relationships, but nothing else.
Explaining to the guy, "Because I value and respect you; I want to give you my fullest attention," isn't enough. She does not merely want a relationship; she wants a husband. He, presumably, wants a wife. This should be implicit in their meetings. If all this time they were just having fun, then neither was serious in the first place. Hopefully she'll have learned from this experience. What causes a lack of clarity and too much attachment and vulnerability is investing too much too soon in a guy, whether it be time, physically, emotionally, or commitment wise.
Do NOT act like his girlfriend, by only dating him or getting physical, before he is your boyfriend. It is completely undignified for a woman to dedicate exclusivity and forgoing other dates, even for one week, to a man she doesn't even know and who could drop her the next day. Now THAT is not respecting yourself. If a man, after getting to know you, decides you are not for him, it will be all the more heartbreaking if you put all your time and emotions in one basket, acting as if you two were bf gf when you were nothing of the sort.
Talk about a waste of time. Getting to the point of commiting out of really knowing each other takes time. And time takes time months min. If he's not getting to the point where he wants to see only you out of his own free choice within a reasonable amount of time: Don't be pathetic and ask or demand exclusivity. Know there are guys out there that will choose to be with only you freely, and don't settle for anything less than that. YOU are the chooser too. And if you haven't gotten physical and you've been getting to know other guys too, it won't be a big deal to walk away. YOU be the chooser, not the guy.
If a guy wouldn't pick you out exclusively with other options, the answer is not to demand there be no other options, but to realize that it's just not a match because YOU will only choose someone who will. I mean really, what would bring you long term emotional saftey and satisfaction more? Someone who commited bec he limited his options and put blinders on and so did you or because out of everyone he got to know, YOU were the one who was the right match? It's not all about getting to "I do. Ayelet , April 14, 4: Wow, so many defensive, angry responses. First of all, exclusive doesn't mean physical!!
Just don't take me out today, someone else out tomorrow, and me again the next day. Dating can be gotten over with much quicker if people weren't embarrassed to sound interested or to have real conversations. My husband and I dated for less than a month before becoming engaged. Much hatzlacha to all those seeking life partners. Anonymous , April 15, I agree with everything the above writer said except for one thing If he doesn't no ultimatum, just a nice smile and "I don't think we're headed in the same direction". I couldn't disagree more. My son who is dating is finding that after 2 weeks of meeting and seeing someone, the "M" word is already brought into the conversation, along with extended family issues of culture, minhagim, how many kids to have.
Such a turn off. He is left wondering, "why can't these women just chill a bit and let things develop organically? I don't even know if I like you after 2 months! After two months you should know if you like someone. And yes, a week to two weeks might seem too soon but the other side, that happens more commonly is that you go on "50 first dates".
At some point the relationship has to get deeper than hanging out and I think after date 4 things should start getting more serious, discussing values etc. Unless the brother of the woman writing this knows for sure that the guy wasn't meeting his cousin who he grew up with and loves very much and may have a very close relationship with or some other relationship of this kind then some kind of clarification is in order But it wasn't clear from the letter who the 'other girl' is.
There's SO much "marit ayin" all over and perhaps we should spend a bit more effort on "ladun lekaf z'chut". Since it's happened to me personally, I know what I'm talking about. The man was seen with another women. How does anyone know anything about their relationship, and how he sees it?