Nothing you say indicates you're doing anything wrong. Yes to a couple of them finding someone else - not half. Also - and this is why I used to just disappear - you probably have said something that didn't sit right with the other person. You not noticing it does not mean it didn't happen. I can give you 10 examples off the top of my head - each time the guy had no idea he'd done it.
The few times I tried saying "hey, thanks, but not interested anymore" I was completely attacked. Got repeated emails calling me a bitch, etc. Again, I can give horrifying examples of how not well guys took that email. Your best bet is to stop having email conversations and meet sooner. By four emails, I'm over it unless there's a reason we can't meet. Reduces the chance of saying something innocuous that turns someone off or pushes a tentative yes to an enough-already no I'd actually be really interested to read the emails to see iwhere it went wrong. I think there are four very specific things guys do wrong dating online - and that's after the four critical profile mistakes.
I can't speak to women's errors, I haven't dated them. I can think of a few reasons I've done this: Happens a lot on okcupid because of the public answers to questions. Amazing how many guys believe in creationism and are against gay marriage or in some other ways their values conflict with mine. Another thing that happens is I reread something and realize it's fairly subtle code for something I'm not interested in. When there are tons of references to not wanting something serious right away or getting out of a relationship or just wanting to have fun, etc that combined with other things can lead me to believe the guy is actually looking more for casual sex than a relationship.
I actually think asking someone out after 3 or 4 emails is ideal. I'll often drop off communication after a certain point if I feel like the guy is never going to ask me out. The blog did not say if it was Quickmatch only, where profile content would be a confound. They made it sound like they considered photos only, in isolation of everything else, but they really didn't write anything about their methods so I can only give them the benefit of the doubt that they controlled for profile content somehow.
And the basic idea is still probably valid; the most attractive women get bombarded with messages and it probably does have everything to do with how hot they look in their photo. Agree, it's a numbers game. The point at which you're asking them out , three to four emails, is perfect. Just keep trying and remember people are flakes.
I actually got positive responses from women because I was polite enough to send emails saying I wasn't interested or that I'd just met someone I really liked and I don't play the multiple dating game. Basic reply I got was thanks for being so upfront and honest because most guys just quit communicating.
So I'd say this is pretty normal behavior on OKC and most other online dating sites.
I think there are four very specific things guys do wrong dating online I would be interested in this if you're willing to share To answer the post, I think being on the fence has been my biggest reason to disappear the few times I've done it. I think the woman contacted me first in most of those cases, and while I felt flattered enough to respond initially, for a few different reasons I didn't become interested enough to continue. A couple of people wrote me very long messages that felt like a chore to read and then answer; a couple more were far enough away that a real-life visit seemed unrealistic; and in a couple of cases I'd already suggested meeting for coffee, which was accepted but sort of unenthusiastically, so I didn't bother writing back to confirm a date and time.
I do this for two reasons. The emails have gone on for a while and there's been no concrete suggestion of meeting. I'm not on OKCupid for penpals, sorry. I'll do the legwork if I'm really crazy about the person. But if I'm on the fence, and they never say anything, I usually just drift off. I've been messaging with a few different people and someone else has made the jump from "person I've exchanged a couple emails with" to "person I am enjoying the crap out of in real life".
Unfortunately, I am wired for monogamy. Even if the other thing isn't technically exclusive, honestly I just don't have the energy to continue pursuing other people if I already have someone in my life who I'm having fun with. The reason I drift away rather than talking it out is that I think it's important to remember that exchanging a message or two is not a commitment.
And it's more important for me to protect what remains of my fragile sanity than for me to protect the feelings of someone I've never met. But the bottom line is to not take it personally, because people flake out. But this sort of thing bothers me too. I understand ignoring messages from people you've never communicated with, but I also find this sudden drop off from people with whom there was actual back and forth correspondence to be rude and immature. Better to let someone down than to flake out and leave them wondering.
It's laziness on their end, in my opinion. Do you think that's rude? How are two strangers exchanging informal messages or emails meant to wind down the conversation? How would the ideal person on OK Cupid handle this? The bottom line, for me, has been mentioned here already - what am I supposed to do, send a bulleted list of reasons you don't turn my crank? Or just a curt "Don't want you, sorry? Online dating is a challenge and can be very frustrating.
I met my wife online. Love her to death and we are pretty dam perfect together. That being said, I did online dating for years. And I ran into the same problem you have. I think your best bet here is to start asking out people sooner then later. Perhaps you're dragging things along a bit. By the 3rd or 4th email it's definitely time to set up a meet up. Nothing really gets accomplished until you meet in person. So focus hard on being quicker not too quick about setting up a date.
If you keep the date casual And remember, as other people are saying, it's a numbers game. Just keep emailing people. Eventually you'll start meeting people in person. Sometimes you'll click, sometimes you won't. Most of my dates never led to 2nd dates. And the ones that did rarely led to 3rd dates. But a couple did So stay positive and be diligent.
This is just one of those things that sucks about online dating. You're probably not doing anything wrong, and apart from trying to suggest meeting earlier maybe 2 emails instead of 4? Just keep going, give yourself a break once in a while, and don't get discouraged! I've done this, for many of the reasons mentioned: I met my boyfriend on plentyoffish.
We had exchanged a few messages, but then my life got really super busy and I wasn't on the site for a couple months. I saw he had sent a message during that time but didn't have a chance to read it. When things calmed down, I sent him a message explaining what was going on I had just gotten a new job and was also on my Jaycee chapter board - those two things ate up lots of my time and that I still wanted to talk to him if he was willing.
He is a very sweet guy and I didn't want him thinking he had offended me or that I was blowing him off He was still willing to talk to me, we met shortly thereafter, and we've been together ever since.
So you just wait and wait. I'd much prefer a curt "We decided to go with someone else" form letter than to be kept waiting indefinitely for word. Conversations come to a natural end and there are ways to wind them down gently and with respect. Much better and safer to usually just let things come to a quiet end. Okay, well how long should one wait before email cut off is affirmative and focus should be put elsewhere?
While 24 hours later I sent her another email. It has been over 48 hours and I still have not heard back. Should I wait another day to send an email and how long should I wait after that one before moving on? Louis — my recommendation is to date multiple people at once if you are able to. Up until the point that it becomes clear that both people are interested in being exclusive, I encourage people to keep their options open.
I talk about this in this article: Dating Multiple People and why you should be doing it. I have tried online dating for nearly two years now and have met seven guys both interesting and may be the boring ones too. At the end am badly hurt cos I remain lonely all over again. How about if he already planned to meet you, with specific details on where and when and how long? Can men really be too busy to chat? We talk email each other almost 6 weeks , we everyday flirts to each other too. After 1 month I got lucky and ended up meeting a girl.
When someone does respond to my messages even more unusual! I just ask them about their hobbies, and tell them about mine. I just wish people would show me the same kind of behavior. I am currious — who are the people saying you should never contact one woman at a time? That sounds like a bad idea to me.
But yes, I say go all out! Increase your chances by sending more messages!
Our resident agony aunt, dating expert Charly Lester, offers advice on what to do when someone you’re messaging online suddenly stops replying. A match and I were exchanging messages but it’s now been a week since we’ve been in contact. Firstly, it’s important to remember. on dating sites, half the time they just disappear and stop responding, .. but I also find this sudden drop off from people with whom there was.
My own view, and from experience, is that there are a lot of frauds out there who will lead you on just for the fun of it, then suddenly drop you. Hi Brad, great article, which sadly I needed. As a comment, I think this sentence is a typo. I have been pretty unsuccessful with the dating site I am on. After I browse various photos of women , I eventually come across one that I like so I send her a simple greeting like: However, only a few respond and only some of them actually like me.
I sometimes get hurt by this because I feel rejected which also makes me a little upset since acceptance for us is so important to us humans. Do you have any advice for me? Hi Robert — one piece of advice right off the top of my head: Women get lots of emails and most guys use that very subject. Which email would you open first? I have been trying online dating for about a 6 months now and not really finding many prospects to email. I finally came over a profile that I was very much interested.
He emailed immediately back. He sounded very interested in his email and in fact he said: It was a short email attempting to start a conversation. He mentioned he traveled a lot, so I told him I love to hear more about your travels. He mentioned something about his profession on his profile that he deals with politicians and stock brokers, so I wrote him that I am looking forward to hear more about it and asked him what he exactly do and explained to him what I exactly do.
It has been 3 days and got no response back. I know that he read my email. So, I am now wondering what went wrong in one email and in one day that this man who sounded so excited one day and turned off in the next. I understand that it seems like something went wrong but he might just be busy or very slow to respond or absent minded. Or it could be any number of things…but we can really only guess. DO NOT write him and ask him what you did wrong. That will kill the conversation forever.
Hope your week has gone well. If someone just disappears without explanation after seemingly positive conversation, consider yourself lucky. I really like this man, we have a lot in common childhood, past, tragedies, way to elaborate stress, taste in food and movies, some hobbies, etc. Since he ghosted me I had the opportunity to think… And I found out that many positive things came out from this weird situation: But she always tells me she has a young son and wants to take things very slowly.
Once when she took a while to return my email she said it was because of her son. Perhaps I made a mistake by twice asking her if she lived with her parents or had brothers or sisters. Maybe she was offended because many Thai women exspect foreign men who marry them to take care of their entire famies. Should I move on? I think he got mad at me. We have a 15 hours time difference. When I replied to his messages I got no reply from him for 2 days now. Was there something happened to him? I find men complicated and most do not want to get married.
I know a friend who travelled 3 hours every week-end one way,rain or snow to see his girl-friend for 2 years. She now lives with him.
These days one has to be so careful what they say or how they say it to a potential partner or they hit the ground running. Why is political correctness so important? People did not sweat the small stuff and there was alot more respect for us women. I am 67,retired R. I feel one day I will have a great man in my life. Rose,I am a woman much like you just a few years younger.
It seems to be mission impossible but I too keep hoping for the companionship, friendship, love, etc. Then they suddenly stop responding. A more common possibility for why this is happening could be: He really likes you and enjoyed communicating with you. He continued to reach out to other women which is common with online dating. The distance between the two of you is a concern for him.
Again, distance is only one possible reason in the grand scheme of things.