Dating my crushs friend Taking him at his word, I saw no reason not to move forward with our relationship when she confessed that she has feelings for me. However, now my friend is saying that his previous statements were made only out of politeness. That he doesn't want to ruin our new-found relationship, but he actually hasn't gotten over her, which puts me in a really bad situation.

I should have read my friend's feelings more carefully, and looking back there were signs when she and I first started talking. However, I don't want to break up with her. I'm really enjoying getting to know her better, and I'm not sure that breaking up will help the situation anyway. My friend will probably be trapped by the guilt and sadness, which will negatively affect our friendship.

Both of them are important to me, and choosing one over another will not make any of us happy. Furthermore, my girlfriend wants to maintain a friendship with my friend and is not trying to push us apart. However, our friendship has gotten a little shaky. He is acting out in front of everyone, saying stuff like "she rejected me and left me". Even if it was meant as a joke, this is making both my girlfriend and I very uncomfortable.

I know his actions are mostly due to his emotional turmoil. I think my friend is not stable at the moment, is honestly scaring me, and I don't know what his next action will be. I'd like to get more insight into what he feels and what he wants.

3 Ways to Deal With One of Your Friends Dating Your Crush

I want to talk to him about this, so we can plan our future course of action. We are no longer friends and do not interact. But my girlfriend and I are maintaining a loving, caring, and healthy relationship. Guess I can't get them both. Doesn't sound like there's much you can do. At some point in life you have to start thinking about your own happiness. It's not nice to your friend, but seeing as she's already rejected him, I'm not convinced he would've still had a chance even without you being around, at least not for a while longer.

It's nothing personal in the end, so as long as you're fair to your friend and can convince him that you're doing it for yourself and do not intend to hurt him, then hopefully he should be fair to you as well and understand your situation. That's what friends should be for, after all. Once that's out of the way, it might be best to avoid the topic with him as well, at least until he shows signs of moving on. You're still in high school, so at some point he'll start to recover as well.

If he's in any way fair to you, then you won't have to actually choose between your GF and your best friend. If he's not, that's his problem. Unless there are more details that you haven't shared yet, the worst thing you can do right now is to threaten your relationship. Friendships, like relationships, are not a one-way street. He has to understand you the same way you understand him, and seeing as you made this post, your honest intentions are clear enough that you don't have to worry about yourself here.

Outside of being fair to him like I said earlier, the onus is on him to understand you and work towards moving on, unless the GF herself has other ideas but that might require an entirely new question. You mentioned that he said "He didn't want to ruin our new-found relationship. It's not the easiest thing in the world to get over a crush at that age, and this sort of situation doesn't make it any better, hence why he wasn't completely honest with you from the get-go.

It's a common scenario and I wouldn't hold it against him if I were you. Odds are if he was able to at least say that, then he's definitely working on moving on, which means things are looking good for you. Being reminded of her via you getting into a relationship with her probably didn't help, but that's why I suggested trying to avoid the topic past a certain point.

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You don't have a problem, and your girlfriend doesn't have a problem. Your friend is the only one with a problem. I suggest you tell your friend to grow up and get over her. The fact that he had a crush on her is of no interest to anyone whatsoever since she rejected him. When that happens, a person can do two things: Convince that other person to change her mind which he failed to do , or get over it.

Anything else is just hurtful and unhealthy. And I'm not saying that because you are with her now. If any other person were her boyfriend, you would advise your friend just the same way that he needs to get over this. So he doesn't want to ruin your new-found relationship. Who does he think gives him the right to talk like this?

He had a crush and was rejected.

Dating my crush's friend??

That doesn't give him any rights. You are worried what he might do. You think that in his mind he has some idea that he has the right to do something because he had a crush. Of course he has no such right.

4 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Get Your Crush’s Friends Involved

To prevent him from doing something stupid, do what you can to wipe that idea out from his mind. If he says she left him, tell everyone loudly that no, she never left him, because they never were together in the first place, that she never gave him any indication that he had any chance, and that he was rejected.

That will be painful for him. Not getting over her will be much more painful.

When Your Best Friend Dates Your Crush

For a start, it prevents him from meeting any of the single women around him. You will not be able to make both of these people entirely happy. So the first decision is whom of them you want to make happy, and whom of them you want to minimize damage for. That decision alone is subject of countless books and movies. So I'll not delve into it, that is your decision to make based on history, personality and how high you rate your chance that this person will still be your friend or girlfriend in 1, 3, 5, 10, 20 years.

Once you decided, you put your entirely loyalty to the person you decided for. In case of doubt, always side with them. Never leave any doubt. Especially do not flip-flop, trying to appease both. The second person still deserves your respect and that your actions do minimal harm to them.

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Shouldn't your crush on this girl and should do if my friends? So it's probably best to not actively remind him of it. She will be rejected by the one she wants and you cannot be together with the one you want. If it was an accident, I would've been upset that it had to happen to me. I would've been upset no matter what my friend had told me. Help answer questions Learn more. You're dating one i would be always tell me, and i liked him out what you that this girl about.

For example, avoid talking about the primary person while in the company of the secondary person. Nobody wants to be reminded that you picked someone else over them. And that is really all you can do. How people handle their own emotions is up to them. You can avoid piling on, but you cannot manage it for them. So your friend gave you a green light, it's nice and considerate of you to have asked beforehand, because that wasn't obligatory, certainly But trying to ruin your relationship is what he is doing with this. Whether he realizes it or not, that admission is going to put a strain on your relationship with either your friend or your girlfriend or both.

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That's a very noble intention of you, but it sounds from everything else like that's only going to make matters worse. I'd recommend sitting it out and letting your friend get himself back together on his own. Be there when he wants to talk to you about it, but don't actively go seeking it out. It may be he just needs some time to process this and come down from emotional turmoil, the source of which is your relationship with this girl now. So it's probably best to not actively remind him of it. But you also need to keep your girlfriend's feelings about this in mind. Make sure that in the process of trying to make amends with your friend you don't disregard her feelings.

Be polite with your friend and explain him the entire situation.

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You listed here how you feel and all that stuff, so tell him that. If he understood it completely and assures you it's fine then it's all good. On the other hand, if he tries to do some comments in front of your friends, never meet your gf and friend at same place. If someone isn't in your group, don't add them in just to set them up with someone. Let things happen as they happen. SOs don't need to be integrated into the friend group.

Sometimes going around your crush to their friends can come off as sketchy.

Your Answer

Think about it like this: One of the quickest ways to kill a forming relationship is to force it. This would be one of those things. By involving their friends, you give them the opportunity to control your situation.