Easiest way to do it Of course if she says she's actually busy or just doesn't want to hang out. Let me get your number and I'll send you a text when we figure out the details. You don't actually have to have a party It's iffy, but when it's the kind of lie that you can tell her the truth about a short time later and she thinks it's cute, it's probably not so terrible. For me it was generally mostly true, we really were always thinking about having a small party, it just only actually happened pretty rarely. That's my problem, how do I go from friendly conversation to asking for a night out without getting literally punched in the dick?
The punching in the dick isn't even what I'm worried about. There are a few places I go that I continually talk to some girl that would be nice to ask out, but based on past experience it'll only ruin the nice conversations we have. It'll go from pleasant talks to subtle avoidance and eventually not talking all together. I'm fine with being rejected, for whatever reason, but once you make that move you're branded and if they say no they will almost always feel like they can't talk to you anymore.
If you can't escalate, you're fucked, and not in the way you want. And let's be perfectly clear: I'm on the fence about this. It is competitive, yes. Women and men sometimes have access to so many people, one could say they can be more "picky" than if they were limited to people they met in person. The other side of the coin is that people can now truly find their best match now, rather than "settle" for the best person they happened to run across in their day-to-day.
I do know that.
And I honestly would have never tried to use [i] type of codes on here I'm not sure how that ended up like that actually. Wonder if I have some kind of weird browser add-on at work or something that turned a habitual Ctrl-I into that or something Not sure where you get your eHarmony impressions. I used it on and off for a couple years, and never once did I get a bible thumper. In fact, out of the two dozen or so dates I logged from the site, I think I only talked about religion once.
For guys, in the beginning they'll match you with new folks a day. I thought it was great; takes the whole 'meat market' aspect away by focusing two people's attention. That calm, cultivated approach probably sells better for the early to mid 30's crowd more than the late 20's.
Regardless, they expect you to pair up eventually or haul ass. I honestly was just going off its reputation. I know the owner is a big Christian and I've heard of people doing their quiz to only be rejected up front. I never gave it a shot, but I was hoping to hear experiences from people who have and thanks for sharing yours!
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I met my fiance on eharmony, coming up on 2 years ago. He's atheist and I'm agnostic, so there's no requirement that you have to be Christian. To be fair though, he was in the first group of matches for me and the only one I actually messaged so I never did come across a bible thumper. I'm definitely under the impression that if you're looking for something serious, you should definitely go for a pay site like eharmony or match.
Within our group of friends there's us currently engaged , a married couple that also met on eharmony, and another couple together for 3. So pretty successful, I'd say. In Austin for instance it's largely the quirky introverted vegetarian girl who is not interested in anything serious but I spent a week in NYC and the women there were more vanilla women who seemed interested in something serious.
There are always exceptions, and I recognize my own personal bias but I do have a feeling someone using OKC in Austin will have a different experience than that same person using it in say Dallas or Chicago. Along with the veggie girls, I find that there are a lot of "cougars" on the prowl as well. Basically bored housewives and empty nesters moms and couples. Pretty much everywhere now. I've got a buddy who's interning in town and he just uses it to hook up where ever he is.
They're kids in a candy store. Not that I'm in the market, but I'd take quirky, introverted, and not serious over vanilla and serious any day of the week. As a woman in her 30s I was inundated with grammatically terrible messages and most of the guys looking for a hookup. On OKC, I was messaged fairly regularly and it does become sort of a second job, slogging through messages and replying to people who seemed interesting.
I hated getting messages of just, "Hey" or "Hi". In fact I would put on my profile to not message me if you were only going to say that. I would also message guys initially who seemed cool from their profiles.
I went on a lot of dates from there, and the weird thing was a lot of single guys in the late 30s and early 40s seemed pretty off in a number of ways. Either bitter at marriage and women, or really fucked up personal lives, ED issues, etc. On the opposite side I seemed to get more interest from guys as young as 19 to mids. It did seem like most of the guys on OKC were looking for quick hookups and not an actual relationship. As far as the late's-and-up guys go, that's interesting, but not surprising. Coming from a guy's perspective - there's a lot of that on the female side as well.
Kinda seems like many of the singles in that age group have lots of baggage and some unresolved issues in general. Bitterness about failed marriages, etc. I totally get that. For me I was single because I had just left a decade long relationship so I knew why I was where I was at. A lot of the people I ran into just did not seem ready to date.
Oh or to talk about having yellow fever or what have you. Just basic shit you don't say on a first date. Never has a post on Reddit made me happier that I'm a gay man. We have our own issues to deal with, but it seems guys are just more direct with each other. And for the love of God people, please don't put up photos where you're wearing sunglasses, shot above with a Facebook angle, standing in a group with 8 similar looking people with nothing to indicate which is you , or any shot that looks way more flattering than reality - people have learned to assume that you probably look like the worst photo you post, not the best one.
My experience with those sites are significantly different. My experience is sending messages and never getting any messages back ever. For any dating site. I gave up on online dating I'm a girl. It was nice for the first few months here in town when I did not know anyone. Then, it just got annoying.
All but one of those times, these were people whom, because I met them online, I had zero emotional attachment to. I found it difficult to be even just one ounce of sincere during these dates because I felt like I was on a job interview! But, fyi, the ONE person I did have a connection with is still a friend of mine. We had mutual friends and frequent the same bars anyway. My two cents is that it depends on what type of person you are.
I, personally, can't walk into a bar and immediately talk to the hottest guy in the room - that is not what I am drawn to. I am drawn to people who I already sense some connection with either through interests, mutual friends, work etc and just a general mutual way of existing in the world, if that makes sense. Physical attraction comes from those things, for me. I can't get a sense of any of that stuff from an online profile. The funny thing is that without any online dating presence I actually go out a lot more and have met a lot more people in person. Having real crushes on real people is much more seductive to me.
I don't think I'll venture into online dating again. I'm very close to your demographic. I've previously used Match. I had the same or much better luck on OKCupid. I'd stick with OKC. I had a couple extend beyond that, and one turn into a date, which turned into dating. And really, that date came after I had basically given up after investing a fair amount of time with no results. Match's website sucks, their mobile app sucks, and even though they charge they still show shitty ads that are borderline scammy.
Funny though considering they or their parent company actually bought out and owns OKCupid now. When match bouth OKC this post about why you should never ever pay for an online dating site was mysteriously removed from the OKC blog. I was on Chemistry, and it totally wasn't worth it until I met my now-wife there. It was a complete failure until BOOM, astounding success. OKc was considerably more successful on average, but less successful in the end. I am sure there is some mathematical term for that I've forgotten. I had great luck on Match. My original problem is that I kept getting match with what I like, and not who likes people like me.
Solved that quickly by doing a reverse search, which will show people who are looking for someone like you. Everyone I talked to was super nice and wanted something serious. I found my husband quickly on match. I was 32 at the time, husband was I was also previously married. My profile could have been intimidating- I mentioned my agnostic status AND mentioned my daughter who died. And I'm fat but cute. I thought I'd be completely undatable, but I found an amazing handsome software engineer; we now have a 17 month old.
One-meet-stands are very common I've noticed. Meet for drinks, have great conversation, leave with a lets do it again and then nothing. As a man I'll do my part and reach out after the date usually via text and more often than not I get a positive response to hanging again. Then when it comes time to actually plan something that's when it gets tough. We all have our own lives and I'm not needy so I won't be upset in the least. I will respond something like "Sure then another time!
That being said I won't offer any alternatives and if she doesn't then that's the point it fizzles away. This is so true. You're doing it wrong. Ask when she's free, then set something based on one of those free days. You decrease your chance if you randomly pick a day that she may not be free. No need to insult people for enjoying video games and chips.
Some of love video games, chips, AND exercise. I tried Yahoo about six years ago, followed by eHarmony where it seems I barely passed their 'qualification' based on the limited matches I received , Match, OKCupid, Chemistry, OKCupid again, a number of phone-based 'hookup' apps where, honestly, None have worked for me. Unless you're an extraordinary guy looking you'll have a tough time getting noticed. Everyone's standards are too damn high, but I guess in-person meetups work that way, too.
That's the only reason I gave eHarmony a try: That way, I could avoid the initial shock created when my apparently ugly mug pops up onscreen. The depressing feature with ALL of these sites is 'who viewed me' along with read receipts where it's clear your message was received AND your profile was viewed At this point, I'm about to join a meetup group or attend a speed-dating event I've given up on online dating completely at this point, even though night shift work makes the IRL opportunities few and far between.
PoF and some smaller geekfinder-like sites were a cesspool. Tinder is fun to build a like-library on, but I just started and I doubt long-term success will come in that package. OKC is the only thing I ever had success on and that was maybe a date a month, with no second dates. I'm a hand-crafted, actually-read-the-profile message kinda guy, and the lopsided competition on there is so immense that if I wanted to meet with real success it'd be like taking up a second job.
I've soured on the whole experience, so we'll see if r4r works. Otherwise I'm sticking to IRL attempts, tough as they are. As a fellow night worker who tried the online approach I agree. Maybe my experience would be different if I were in another city but as far as Austin goes it's way too competitive for online dating for average guys. The whole effort to reward effort is indeed quite high.
I'd decided to focus on myself and become open to real life encounters. I found that relying on the online process can make one lazy and can potentially diminish social skills. Everything else I could say about the online experience has been said here. Best of luck to anyone attempting online dating. Eventually you just run out of fucks to give, I'm too busy with a full time job to take on another full time job of looking for a date.
Did Match for 3 years and have done OKCupid for a year. All messages met with silence, only date I got the gal couldn't stand me in person even though I'm the same on the internet. Before the internet web, it was pretty well known that joining a church was pretty good route to constantly getting laid. But if you try ballroom dancing Married now, but you are very right.
Just being a good guy works, because 'word gets around' and My wife and I met on OK cupid. Although I am a travel nut and she is quirky and introverted, both vegetarian. So perhaps I only prove your point about the site. I found the wealth of information you could gather on a person to be a good thing.
Some aspects are obvious deal breakers such as religion or wanting kids or not, but others not so much. I still had the opportunity to decide what information was important to me, and some things I could overlook in light of other factors. I personally felt the whole process was very efficient. As a professional in their 30s I dont have time to constantly date, so being able to quickly filter down to a small subset of people was very good for me.
I felt they were giving me guy after guy that loved to work out and was looking for a woman who "took care of herself". I'm overweight and like video games and chips. I find match goes in cycles for me.
There will be no one of interest that I haven't already tried to message for months, and then there will be several interesting prospects. These are generic enough to be reused, but witty or unusual enough to illicit a response. The strategy then becomes to send these to as many women as possible, see who responds, then try to have an actual conversation or set up a date. But all of this is assuming you even get to the stage of messaging. And with Tinder, many people don't. Most mobile apps require both people to swipe right to match with each other before they can message.
But while many people are swiping, not many are messaging. And of the people who are messaging, not many are going on dates. Bumble has been overhauling the system — one app feature at a time. The founder of Bumble, Whitney Wolfe, knows these problems intimately. She was a partner at Tinder before leaving to start her own social app. The mechanisms Bumble uses to upend the normal messaging dynamics are really very simple. After swiping and matching, women have 24 hours to message or the match disappears.
This solves both the overstuffed inbox and the match-but-never-message problem. After a woman messages, the man also has 24 hours to respond. From there, it's up to you. Bumble also just added a BFF Bumble for Friends feature to let women match for platonic friendship and has plans to add a networking feature called Bumble Bizz later this year. We see it becoming more and more involved in people's lives, so we think it's better to embrace the accessibility technology provides.
We aim to change the landscape of business social networking apps, and to put an end to dead-end connections," he says. But the problems of online dating affect even the most progressive apps. Men's biggest complaint about Bumble is that women only message "Hey. Both men and women, if they do meet up, tend to talk about the bad dates they've been on more than other subjects. Although I see Bumble as a big step forward, I wonder if we aren't all addicted to the problems of online dating even more than we are to the supposed convenience of it.
A note to readers: I remember in the small town thread you were adamant that small towns in Texas really are quaint and not affected by serious crime. The thing is I work in law enforcement at the state level. My office mates are agents and analysts and I work with the actual data. I don't have the luxury of the little positive bubble.
I've posted actual information created from hard data on this forum, and that includes this thread.
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