Before you sign up for any online dating site and fill in your profile information, you should sit down and write out what you want from a relationship and a partner. Are you hoping to meet someone who is of a certain income bracket? Make a physical list with a pen and paper, or type it up and print it out.
Above all, make sure that whatever you list is realistic and not fantasy based. The truth is, chasing bad boys for gay men never really works. When you build a profile on a dating site or app , you want to make sure it is polished and interesting to read. That old saying about first impressions being powerful really is true!
The same goes for the information that you put in your profile. Plain and simple, you want to be yourself in an online dating profile, but you want to present your best self. However, if you don't have an immediate answer for "Do you want to get married? Contrary to popular belief, opinions are not like assholes, because in today's gay world, assholes are glorious and sexy and displayed prominently in photos sent to you from potential suitors.
Opinions on a date are more like your lesbian best friend: We know she's important to you and we're glad you have her, but we have no idea why you'd want to introduce us to her on a first meeting and turn the evening into a serious downer. If you do opt to discuss current events, avoid anything so controversial it will destroy potential chemistry, like Crimea, Obama's job performance, or the relevance of HBO's "Looking.
Fashions change, so know the basics: No flip-flops, no shaving, and, even if it is after Memorial Day, absolutely no white underwear.
If you like the guy and want things to go well, put everything out on the table: HIV status, views on monogamy, and, for Florida residents, guns. It's a sign of a true gentleman if you walk him to his door and he says it's too soon for you to come inside.
It's also more than likely a sign that he still lives with his on-again off-again ex. If, in the heat of the moment, you do find yourself in bed together after the date, remember to keep the foreplay going for at least 30 minutes. Perhaps another obvious warning sign but worth mentioning. The same goes that if after your official first date activity, like a coffee or a dinner, he wants to go to "the bars"..
The reason being is that the first date should be about getting to know one another. If he is already needing to go hang out at a bar on your first date, he likely is not ready to focus on you or a relationship. Some may disagree with this point. Obviously, this is a subjective warning sign however, there are tell-tale things that you should be looking for under this red flag.
One of them is the amount of alcohol he is consuming and the speed in which he is doing it. If you notice that he is pounding back glass after glass of wine or some other drink and that he is encouraging you to do the same — run. Same holds true if he shows up at your first date stoned. That however does not mean he is ready to start dating. As a general rule of thumb, people in recovery programs, like a step program AA, CMA, NA… are encouraged to stay away from the dating scene for 1-year.
This is not a hard and fast rule but is generally encouraged. The reasons are plentiful but the primary one is that the guy needs to be focusing on his recovery. If the guy you are with on the first date treats wait staff, box office attendants or others disrespectfully or rudely, he is showing his true colors. He is also demonstrating that he is a jerk and is likely unaware of how uncomfortable his behavior makes you feel.
If the guy you are out on a first date with is treating people like crap, how do you think he will treat you down the road? And what exactly does "acting straight mean" At its core, it's called internalized homophobia when a gay dude says this.
If you are getting the vibe on your first date that the guy is looking to hook up or otherwise mess around, this may be a fairly good indication that he is really not interested in dating. This particular point is not to judge but instead, to act as a potential red flag for his agenda. On your first date, it is only natural and human to talk about oneself a little. If however the guy you are going out on a date with is going on forever and a day about his life, his job, his car, his family, his dogs …his, his his ….
There is likely going to be problems with compatibility. Do his muscles, charm and smile blind you to some of the red flags mentioned here or perhaps other red flags that you have heard of in the past? Does he make you feel overly insecure because you feel he is just too good looking to be with you? Does anything about that first date make you experience negative, familiar feelings from the past where you were in a space that was not good for you?
If so, these are important warning signs. Too many get hooked on the look and find themselves in impossible, painful, one-sided and one way relationships. Pay attention to how his physical appearance causes you to feel. Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites. I think a good closing to this article is to also evaluate your own behavior. Don't be afraid to recognize your own faults. It will only make you better.
Ask yourself, are you raising any flags? We should aspire to be a healthy, genuine and loving partner to someone. It's not just about what you're getting. It sounds crazy to some people but you should WANT to give your partner a relationship they want, too. It is a good list. And red flag doesn't always mean run. It can just be cautionary. You might want to pursue the friendship, if you are getting along well in other ways. There are lots of other reasons to go out with someone, often repeatedly.
I use dating to get to know people, and to sort out what kinds of friendship are possible.
A primary relationship is only one of them, and it's not very near the top of the probable list. Of course, this is on the "Paired Life" site. But even so, it seems a bit narrow, perhaps especially so for gay men. I just had a three hour dinner date and the whole conversation revolved around his life, his job, his ex, his cat his family, etc. These "rules" are very general and apply to all people that should not be dated. I agree with most of them. I should go with my gut more. I have been single 12 years now and I am wondering if love is ever going to happen again for me.
If it does at least I know what to look out for. Also it such a shame for some people who are always waiting to criticize others for everything they do instead of supporting and use their common sense to correct where it wrong don't you know those who criticize others often are not perfect? I'm one of those guy that the red flag type I want to change my attitude.
I want to hook up with guys or try to flirt with just to hook up with them. I read this and said some of this true. One thing to pay attention to is if they ask s lot if personal questions you aren't comfortable speaking about. And when they seem to be pushing you to go in s direction you don't want to. Here's a good one. Thanks, Bruce for stopping by. Sorry to hear of your relationship woes. Good point on the escorts! Rather than being blinded by looks,my downfall was deciding he was 'the one' the first time we met. After years of feeling less than and compensating for his shortcomings- I am finally working on myself.
To meet the rite guy I need to be the person I would be attracted to- not the messi became.
Skip to content The Soulmates Blog. HIV status, views on monogamy, and, for Florida residents, guns. We can be a very picky bunch. It's not just about what you're getting. This is used to identify particular browsers or devices when the access the service, and is used for security reasons. Unless he can juggle or tap dance in bed, "versatile bottom" means only one thing, so be prepared to take charge if things go well. I thought that a lot of this advice is great for all couples, not only gay ones.
Lastly, the comment by Pookie is a prime example of guys 'not ready to date'. If getting off is the only concern, then great for them. Don't listen to the negative comments, those guys must have been through a lot, are wounded and heart broken and still need to come to terms with the red flag signs they'd failed on noticing before. Things aren't easy with dating, we all know that and I give them credit for that. Don't give up though. Advice on pages like these genuinely helps.
He always asked me if i am going to his house and often open up conversations about sex. I love it and so dead true. I've been guilty of the last one but just so I can get it on before saying bye. I have adhered to most of these but not until I reached the wise age of forty something. Jean, I like your sense of humor! Yes - there is a lot of comedy in this post but some people were unable to see this.
Others however picked up on it right away like you! Of course, behind every giggle is a little truth. I thought that a lot of this advice is great for all couples, not only gay ones. After a quick scan of some of the comments, it appears some people don't get your sense of humor: It's OK, they're Republicans.
Keven, just wanted you to know I read your response here and I think we all gained from your insight. Thanks so much and I am sorry to hear what happened in the relationship you discussed here.
Easy poll since only one correct answer. I've never had a hookup, never will but I have had sex on the first date once before which in that case ended up in a two decade long relationship. I was blinded by love. I loved him, he loved my money at the time.
With the hundreds of gay dating profiles out there, how do you make yours stand out from the crowd? Use your online presence to get the date. Guyliner shares his top 10 gay dating tips to help you bag a great gay date, that can hopefully turn into something more.
When I got sick with a health problem no one can catch and things looked bad for a year, he dumped me for a guy 15 years younger than he is! Careful of those first impressions! They might be dangerously wrong but sex on first date would be out for me now that I know better even if sparks are there for potential LTR. As a rule, gays do not date. We hook up and then need to look for the next best, younger, richer, more handsome man.
The gays that date are usually deplorable physically or emotionally possibly both and over No self-respecting gay wants anyone over 30 unless they are rich and have a hot body. I read the "disclaimer," but WOW. In some parts of the country, the only places you can go and not be stared at by the overly homophobic who by the way where I live have thrown homophobic insults at me for holding the hand of my autistic son IS a gay bar. And that brings me to my second point: There are some of us out here with children with disabilities.
And specifically with autism, my son's "severe" kind though I'm loathe to use the term "severe , when I got divorced my ex wife and I had long discussions about living arrangements as my son would have his entire sense of himself in the world ruined if one of us weren't living here. I am living with my ex and truly not in a relationship with her.