Their lifestyle could put them in a pretty bad situation and down the line, get you into some trouble as well. According to Criminal Defense Lawyer:. Punishment can also be meted out under Title 18 of the U. Code, at Section This section prohibits, among other things, making false statements under oath. Sentencing under this section starts at ten years for a first or second offense.
This is not the first time I've gently but frankly brought it up out of honesty and hopes that she can assuage my fears and prove them wrong; she is very offended each time that I had the gall to even think of it as a possibility. She has trust issues with me too because the breakup made her think I'm unpredictable and untrustworthy for anything commitment-related and that I could call off our relationship at any time for any inconvenience. We seemed to make up and forgive one another, but not a half hour later she started talking about opening up a joint bank account for rent and household-related items, and I said "let's not talk about this just right now" but she kept persisting - so I said, against my better judgment, "we both know that a joint bank account is one of the factors considered, along with cohabitation, for immigration assessing how serious a relationship is" and then she lost it again.
Now we're about to meet to figure out whether our relationship should continue. Any thoughts about all of this would be appreciated. Throughout everything I sincerely wanted to be a good boyfriend for her, and demonstrate commitment, and grow our relationship into something healthy and great for both of us maybe marriage down the line , but this seemed to be thwarted over and over for various reasons, and she is saying that I'm an unintentionally abusive person towards her for the record I rarely raise my voice, but I've been frank and insensitive about hard situations as I was trying to figure out how to make us both happy, and there's no way to phrase my suspicions without seemingly accusing her of horrible things, really.
For her part, she keeps insisting she still loves me despite me acting horrible, and wants to try to make it work. I'm not sure what I want any more or whether it's a good idea for us to continue this relationship. Anyway, advice appreciated, and don't hold back in your assessment of the situation. Isn't it nice that she still loves you despite you acting horribly. That's just super touching. Her accusations of you abusing her are a cover for the fact that she is essentially abusing you. Do not allow her to move in with you.
For the love of god don't marry her. This is not a healthy or normal relationship. Even if it were relatively unabusive, it doesn't sound like the two of you respond to stress on your relationship well at all. Rather than supporting each other, you fight and retreat to your corners. That is not the hallmark of a strong partnership. Not that you weren't experiencing some emotional hurt in that moment, but the border interrogation is a thing that primarily happened to her, so it is a point where staying strong to support her would have been the best thing to do. Still, don't use that as a reason to guilt yourself into staying in a relationship that sounds like a complete disaster on virtually every front.
Apparently she has many offers from other men and jesus christ, telling you that was cruel, even if it is true, whic it probably isn't for the greencard marriage she so clearly desires. Let her take up someone else on their generous offer. In a healthy relationship I'd say that "needing space" after your girlfriend is bullied and nearly deported by thuggish border guards is either selfish or a sign that you're NOT ready for commitment.
I think the comment about the joint bank account is also highly insensitive; women are already pressured not to talk about commitment too much and the fact that you can just accuse her of using you for a green card on top of that strikes me as really low. If you really believe that about her So on the other hand, it sounds like you're at best mismatch and don't get along at all, and if I were you or her I'd want to break up.
It sounds like you're cagey because you're not sure about her, and you're not getting any surer. If anything, the opposite. I don't understand the confusion, she's outrightly told you she wants you to marry her to fix her visa problems, why is it so offensive when you repeat her sentence back to her? At least it's out in the open and you both know what her agenda is. The question is now, are you ok with marrying her knowing that it wouldn't be a marriage purely for love?
If you're not, best to end it now. I understand the confusion about the question, so let me try to paint the fundamental problem in a different way. This seems to be the crux of the conversation: And I also want to go to an Ivy-league school for a PhD, and the program is begging me to join and is willing to pay my tuition, but we can't find a good way for me to go to school AND work, and also a single misstep and I'm deported permanently, and considering all this awful stuff - if you feel the same way about me as I do about you, wouldn't you want to solve all of this for me with a simple marriage license?
Yes, I see your needs and they're completely understandable, but well I'm relatively slow in relationships and this is my first rather serious relationship, and this is all very new to me, and I'm feeling out a lot of things, and I really like you, and my feelings seem to keep moving in a direction in which I'd want to make a life together permanently, but marriage is a huge thing, and I want to make sure I'm doing it for the right reasons, and I need a little more time not years - like half a year?
I want all of these feelings to be genuine, not a mere stepping stone for you. That said, I'm horrified and deeply sorry for you that the US has become such a nightmarish and hateful place, seemingly overnight while you barely even finished unpacking your bags, and I DO want to help you if I can, but this would be permanent and life-changing stuff for me too, and I'm not going to just dive in without fully weighing things. I don't have much time. In fact, when I travel back to my country, it might be the last time you see me. Whether my visa is renewed is not entirely a done deal, and every day things are changing.
So like it or not, you might need to figure out things quickly. If you do love me and want to be with me. Because your only chance for being with me might be marrying me. I'm just giving you the reality. Are you willing to commit? I wish you had all the time you need to make up your mind, but you might not have it. You don't seem to be, and don't seem to know what you want at all. And that's something I have to weigh in figuring out things between us, too. People marry for a variety of reasons, and often, more than one reason at once.
Your marriage is not sullied or less valid if "true love" is not the sole motivator -- marriage has been used for power, alliances, and other mutual benefit for centuries. Being in the USA without permanent residency is truly awful and frustrating, and marriage helps an immeasurable amount. An acquaintance of mine is a naturalized citizen now, but when they graduated college with an in-demand degree, not a single firm would take them on because of the bureaucratic horror of trying to get a work visa for an employee.
Their partner saw this, believed it to be unfair, and they got married. If you want to be with her and can see the pragmatics of her situation, marry her. If not, let her know, so she can find someone else. You have the luxury of seeing marriage and relationships as a spiritual matter, but she doesn't: To be honest, I agree with everything you feel about this situation. For most people, who you marry is one of the, if not the biggest financial, emotional, life changing decision you can make.
Of course, it can be undone but generally at financial, emotional etc cost. I can only speak for myself, but it would not be something I would ever consider being forced or rushing into. You seem to be someone who is risk averse and views marriage as a genuine love match instead of a pragmatic decision. The very fact that you can say point blank to her that you think she's just doing this for citizenship and that she will throw you out after says that there is no trust at all in this relationship.
It doesn't mean I don't feel for her, I do, definitely, but I don't think that means you are required to save this person that you hardly know and if you're skeptical even a little bit about her motives, you really, really don't know her. Basically it boils down to, don't marry someone you don't trust. If I'm wrong and you decide she's genuine and she's in it for life, then by all means, go for it.
But I'm not getting that from you. Decide what it would take from her to convince you, if anything. Maybe the answer is time. If that's the case, tell her you'll need more of it but understand that she may have to move on if that's the case and there is no more time. It does sound like her agenda now is to find a husband, love or not. In which case, there's your answer, anyone will do. She's playing you so hard she must have callouses.
I don't understand the confusion, I do, she's working you on every possible angle and you're being gaslit. It'd be one thing if you loved her enough to want to marry her because you just did. Also fine imo - ethically, if not legally to agree to marry for the sake of the visa. I of recent EE extraction know of a few couples who did that, and either grew to care for each other and stayed married, or lived with each other for an agreed amount of years before parting amicably to do other things. But these were friendly, wholly open agreements arrived at either because they were actually friends or because they'd made a mutually satisfactory arrangement.
Not through emotional manipulation like this. Lots of people are desperate to leave many Eastern European countries. I've seen local community papers full of ads for paid spouses. Many treat it as not really a huge deal. However I think it is, in general because it involves a tremendous responsibility, and in this case because you sound like an earnest and sensitive person, and I'd worry for you emotionally surviving a relationship with this woman. Aha missed your update. Well there you have it, she's told you what's what. This is a tough one. I can see both of your points of view, and I don't think either of you is necessarily in the wrong, although you may be wrong for each other.
I've had immigration issues myself and I can't overstate how absolutely harrowing and stressful they are. In my case, as with hers, they could ultimately have been resolved by marrying my partner. My partner never offered that solution, and while I had a moment or two sometimes of wishing he would, it was not ultimately what I wanted either, and I am not sure I'd have said yes if he had offered. We are still together, and I am super glad that we didn't go down that road. But I'm not sure I want to be married ever, period, so Ditching her after the horrifying border experience was definitely not cool--that is indeed an awful and traumatic thing to go through--but you seem to realize that.
One difference in my situation from yours too is that I had other options to explore--difficult not-perfect ones, but options nonetheless. Unfortunately, get married or break up often ends up being the only course for many relationships when one person is from another country. There's no way for internet strangers to know if she's using you or not, but given your misgivings about the relationship in general not just her motives , I would advise not getting married to her.
You sound thoughtful and mature and like you know what you are looking for in the progression of a relationship. What she is going through is appalling, but it's not your job to save her from it.
I'm really sorry for both of you. But I feel like you should probably let this relationship go. Wait, so she "tests" you by talking about other guys she could be marrying, that she could easily choose over you? And then when you get the sense that she just wants to get married for visa purposes, she's deeply offended? Never mind all the other stuff - do you want to be in a relationship where your partner sets up these "if you really loved me you'd" tests?
I've also been on the other side, living in a foreign country with someone I cared about [at the time], with an external time limit on my stay forcing the issue. Decisions do have to be made quickly. But you'd have to feel all right enough about the relationship to want to do it. You'd be legally and financially responsible for her, it's a huge deal.
Even so, this is your life, too. I think that the immigration aspect is a red herring. The fundamental issue is that for Reasons, she wants the relationship to go along the "relationship escalator" faster than you are prepared to go. One or both of you is going to have to compromise if you want to stay in the relationship. If I understand it right, she compromises and she will likely end up back in her home country and you guys have a long distance relationship for an undefined period of time.
Frankly, the way you describe your interactions is characterised by such a fundamental lack of trust, there isn't a sufficient foundation for either an LDR or marriage, so I think you should break up. She needs to get married. All you need to figure out is if you want to marry her on her timetable. That's what she's asking and that's what you need to decide. She keeps coming back to this topic because that's what she wants. If you need more time, that's fine and understandable, but it obviously doesn't work for her, so you should probably break up and let her marry one of the other people who are willing to do this.
I've dealt with self-esteem, self-doubt, emotional abuse, body issues, and other stuff and it's the major reason I wasn't able to be in relationships until now. When she's loving and compliments me on things she likes about me which is just about every day , I wonder how could anyone say such things and actually mean it. So there's that element.
And aside from that, if she's faking her affection for me, objectively she appears to be doing a good job of it. So I do wonder if she's simply really genuinely into me and I'm twisting myself into knots questioning it. And we've talked about this exact issue and she agrees and thinks therapy could be fruitful for me, as it's worked for her.
Upon reading your question and updates, you're not ready to get married. So in addition to wanting to get married,she would also like you to financially support her while she pursues a PhD for several years? She may not be consciously using you but the relationship she wants is imbalanced towards her needs. As this is your first serious relationship, whereas she has been married before, I can see how she may feel more comfortable in moving fast as this is familiar territory to her. But it makes complete sense for you to take things slower. I would recommend anyone considering marriage take counselling class together some religions mandate them before they will allow you to marry in their church.
What about broaching the idea of taking counselling together to work on some of these issues? Hopefully after a few months of classes you will either feel more secure in your relationship or it will reveal basic incompatibilities. From 8 months to a year is when the limerance of new relationship wears off and the practicalities of truly being with someone appear.
It is when dealing with a crisis that real character is revealed I would not consider her immigration a "crisis" as she has been clear she sees only one solution, you need to experience crisis' where you work on a solution together. Good luck, it is a tough situation but marriage to someone with no assests and severe immigration issues is not something you should rush into.
This alone should end any relationship. You're being used and abused and you should protect yourself from this person. Also, she has consulted with immigration lawyers, this would also be a good time for you to also get independent legal advice on what your legal and financial obligations would be in marrying someone without legal status in the USA, as well as the likelihood that marriage really will grant her a green card I didn't think it was automatic? You also need to know the costs and time involved for all the necessary paperwork and who will be paying them.
It seems worth noting that PhD stipends generally but not universally will support a single adult at a non-painful standard of living. It is entirely possible that neither the OP nor their girlfriend know this. To be blunt, that these facts are missing from the conversation adds up to the PhD program not actually being on the table for the next year at least.
Sounds like you are being used for visa purposes, if she has already let several other men reach the relationship stage of proposing to her, let one of them be the one on the hook for all the expenses of giving her the immigration status she needs and then all the additional expenses of divorce when they have served their purpose and she has been married long enough to divorce and still stay in your country. I tend to ask questions on AskMetafilter rather than make comments but I am concerned your lack of previous relationship experience has given you low self-esteem to be even considering this arrangement.
I myself am someone who stayed in an unhealthy relationship for literally years too long because I was frightened I'd never find another and because my self-esteem was so low I didn't think I deserved any better. You sound a caring and sensitive person. Yes, you can do better than this loveless bargain which will only lead to heartbreak. And I also want to go to an Ivy-league school for a PhD, and the program is begging me to join and is willing to pay my tuition, but we can't find a good way for me to go to school AND work It appears she does understand how much the program is willing to provide financially and it is not enough without also working or having someone cover a majority of her living expenses.
But the OP should definitely have access to the hard numbers if her going to school is an option. I agree the student visa should also be something both are aware of. I'm only going to respond to this part of your follow-up: And I also want to go to an Ivy-league school for a PhD, and the program is begging me to join and is willing to pay my tuition, but we can't find a good way for me to go to school AND work PhD programs in Ivy League schools will certainly pay a stipend that is enough to support her independently in addition to tuition, and sponsor a student visa that will let her stay in the US for the duration of the program.
She does not need to work in addition; if anything, many program prohibit students of any nationality from taking outside jobs for the first few years, because being a PhD student is a job. Deadlines for applications are usually in December and the response date by which she'd accept an offer is always April Is this around the time they were "begging [her] to join"? She probably knows these facts already, but you obviously don't. You want to ignore her immigration status when considering how your relationship progresses, she wants her immigration status to be an important deciding factor when considering how your relationship progresses.
You could not be more mismatched. Regardless of anything else going on, this is a huge red flag. She's showing poor judgement, and you're too inexperienced to be making long term decisions that will affect you for the rest of your life. Don't be bullied into doing something you will regret for the rest of your life.
My husband and I got married a year earlier than we'd plan for immigration issues. It's a thing that's done. Having done it, comparing our situation and relationship to what you've written, I absolutely would not do this in your position. Break up with her. When you marry someone and sponsor their green card you're signing up to support them financially for a certain amount of time, regardless of how they treat you afterward. If you're already feeling guilty and responsible, that won't get any better if things start to go south.
It sucks that her status is so tenuous, it really does. So does the anti-immigrant sentiment so prevalent right now. You can feel bad about that AND not make it your responsibility to solve her problems for her. This is absolutely a cultural mismatch. She's not using you or being abusive, you're not using her or being abusive, but you are just so horribly culturally mismatched that I'm not sure you can get past it, and my heart goes out to you both. Americans, in my experience, tend to have a much more romanticized view of what love and marriage is than people from other countries.
The love has to be perfect such that you would love each other for yourselves alone even if there were no benefit to marriage or it's not True! This often results in Americans living together for years while they decide if they love each other enough to get married forever. This is not the cultural understanding in a lot of places, including my own background, which is why I can speak to the other side of this.
Marriage is much more a commitment to build and work together - the commitment to bake a cake rather than the icing on an already baked cake. Now when we talk on the phone or the computer,and in letters, He always tells me he loves me with all his heart and he cant wait til he marries me just so we can spend our lives together. I know in my heart he is the one. Me and my fiance met around 3 years ago.
I asked him where he wants to live, at first, like a year ago he said in his country, but recently has changed to mine…now he says he wants me to have a good job and graduated before he will get married with me and wants me to support him when that happens because he will be studying his MBA…. Wow;after reading wish i had stumbled onto here 4 years ago….
I live in Australia, and was pursued by a Jamaican Musician Deecey who was called into immigration due to not having a taxfile number and working. I knew nothing of this previously to the event he hadnt told me …. I was in Love with an illusion…a contrived deception by an old player. Who lies to everyone, his mother, his family, women, his friends, the music industry…but worstly himself… he has to live a lie…poor sod. Now he has returned to australia he jumped a transit visa ….. Funny, he always called me his queen, and heres the thing- when someone neglects thier responcibilities that bad, and depends on someone else to do all the hard yards…they think they have all the power… i thought he did … funny, i had all the power the whole time….
My Ex married a girl from Europe in April. I broke it off with him Oct for many reasons and one was because he would have never treated my son and I the way we should be treated. Finally, he went on the internet, met this girl from Tirane and had her come live with him about a month after I broke it off. She lived at his house for about 2 months then went back home for a little over a month then came back in March and he married her 1 month to the day.
Now, the reason why I think he married her, fear of being along, why did she marry him, not sure a green card maybe?
I spoke to him in Jan. And he did just that, 1 month to the day of her return. I also found pictures of this girl on WAYN. I guess she got concerned that maybe he would find them?? Not sure but I still to this day cannot believe that he was so afraid of being alone that he married a girl he barely knew after only about 4 months of knowing her. I mean, if you met someone from another country and really started to like them, why not take your time getting to know them and travel to their country and meet her parents etc??
Then come back and marry them without really knowing each other?? Just boggles my mind….
Listen to that feeling or else you only have yourself to blame. We communicate through letters, Facebook, and obviously through the phone. They have a full underground network to get anything they want without papers so why do they even need them besides travel? I would suggest getting married in BOTH countries. But she's not your answer to "learning how to be in a relationship" and you're not her answer to "getting married and getting a green card. I'm quite sure part of her resents that is the only option. I think she has boxed herself into this fantasy-- this dream of the perfect life-- and she is convinced that marriage is the solution to the very real looming problem.
I am an American citizen married to a Honduras native. I can identify with several of the warning signs, but at such a late stage. My husband was married in his country when I met him and he lied to me and his wife there, but he along with his family made up this elaborate story that he was only with the girl for 30 days and he married her out of obligation for having broken her virginity, that this was actually a part of the culture. He has spent the entire time so disconnected from me, including even the day we got married.
We spent the entire drive on the way to the justice of the peace arguing for some additional lies he had told me. If they are illegal you have to understand, they crossed the border on foot, illegally risking death. To marry a kind heart-american citizen and enjoy all the benefits in the meantime is a walk in the park. They talk and word travels. They have a full underground network to get anything they want without papers so why do they even need them besides travel? Be cautious fellow americans and friends abroad, they are really great liars and will toy with your emotions and tendancies toward helping others.
I am in the same situation. I met a guy from Africa last year who had been here on a study visa but it had run out. I thought he was legal as he was working etc. After a month he asked me to marry him. Alarm bells started ringing but he said it was for religious purposes as he is muslim and living together out of marriage is haram illegal in islam.
We had, however, been having sex the entire time, which is also haram in islam! Anyway, after 4 months we got married in a mosque in the islamic way and then moved in together. It was about 4 months later that it all came out that he is not legal to work in the UK and we have to file for a spouse visa asap or he will have to leave. I have had my suspicions about the relationship from the start but he was such a good manipulator.
He was also extremely, extremely emotionally abusive. He would ignore me, call other women behind my back, go on web cams with other women, had girls on instant messenger and would spend more time chatting with them than talking to me. Whenever I asked questions, he would shout at me, call me stupid, put me down, criticise me. I would have to beg him to spend time with me.
It was like he hated me but had to hang around because of the spouse visa. We applied for the visa and it is currently in the works. However, I have just left the relationship because I am tired of not being good enough, tired of being shouted at, tired of being put down, tired of being emotionally manipulated, tired of being abused, tired of being treated as though i am the most annoying person in the world and it is just the biggest effort for him to even spend any time with me.
When he is home he will just sleep or go on the internet. I do not feel ANY love from him at all. Even the sex feels disconnected. I feel like i am just a body and most of the time he would not even satisfy me, just take his own satisfaction and be done with it. I feel humilated, used and abused. But I have realised and I have gained the strength i need to admit that he never loved me, he was using me, that he has abused me and that this relationship is over.
I have accepted it. I loved this man with all of my heart and soul. I would cry after a round of abuse and then the silent treatment for hours but he would just turn on the computer or game console and ignore my tears. Nothing got to him, he has a big void where any human emotion and sympathy should be. I have never been good enough for him and he has never loved me. I see this now and it hurts. It hurts so much. I ask myself how I could love him after everything he has done and put me through. It hurts so much to leave and know I will never see him again.
It hurts so much to realise that he never loved me and is using me….. There was no happiness, no joy — just anxiety, paranoia, tears, sadness, stress and depression. I have developed irritable bowel due to all of the stress, I cannot sleep, I cry constantly and I have lost all of my confidence. I still love him, but this cannot go on. I deserve happiness and I will not be used to provide a visa for my country.
Get out while you can, before it is too late! Find someone who is true and who loves you. It might hurt, no, it DOES hurt… but you will recover and the hurt will be gone. You will go on to be happy afterwards. My situation is trickly.. I did marry my husband in his country and have been introduced to several of his friends. His family all know about me but they do not know of our marriage. His sister is aware of our marriage but that is only because she saw photos I posted on facebook and he was absolutely livid when he found out.
He is Indian and I read about all the warnings but fell in love and I believe he loves me as well but sometimes I worry because he lies to his family so much and seems to want to procrastinate coming to the US. What crap is that! IF I had the power I would really take his greencard away in a heartbeat. This is a good website, I did not pay much attention to the signs, but deep down I knew in my heart that something was not right.
I chose not to believe in it. I met this Lebanese guy in July of , he wanted to get married in November of that year. He wanted to get married so fast, the excuse he put was that it was for religious purposes, for us to be able to live together etc. When came around he pushed and pushed marriage again. We got in to so many arguments, broke up a couple of times, but he still persisted.
We finally had a civil ceremony because none of my family members wanted to attend except for my oldest brother. We got married and three months after because of all the family problems I had, I filed for divorce. He talked me out of it, he said if we moved to another state all will be better, he said that we would be able to show my family that we could be happy and prosper. So we did move, he applied for his work permit and ultimately a green card. There were many instances were I wanted to leave him but he would not let me, he was a great persuader.
He finally got his green card this April , and I told him I wanted a divorce, he signed I filed. If you are in a situation similar to mine, please listen to those around you, and to your heart, if there is a small ounce of doubt, listen to it. I might my girlfriend in college and we have been dating seriously for a 2 months now…..
I have a mum and a two beautiful sister who have taught me to respect woman cuz only a woman can give life and i will never hurt or let go of her. She is 5 years older than me but to me age is just a number and it takes ones mentally to mature. I love my girlfriend so much but she thinks i say this because i need a greencard from her. I am 24 years and not getting younger so is anyy wrong if i find my better half now…….. I wonder when is the best time in life a man life to get married.
This marriage with greencard is a major problem in intercultural marriages especially in America. She want to get married to me but she is afraid i might let go of her…. I care about so much that when she is sad i am sad too. It really saddens my soul when she says that and i wish she could understand me better. I love my girl friend so much!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please someone please help me i don wanna loose her because of a common greencard????? This website was very helpful. Be weary of hispanic illegal men who lie about their legal status who in addtion to getting married want to rush to have children.
Many of them believe that having a child in addition to being married to an American, seals their immigration case and that it makes it more likely to get approved for permananet residency. I would suggest getting married in BOTH countries. This website is great. My Turkish fiance we have been together for 1 year and just got engaged does not fall under any of these categories. I am just so terrified he will change and his love right now is an act.
He supports me now but my biggest concern is wasting my love and years of my life… I feel guilty for even saying this because he really treats me so well.. We were off and on. The 2nd time around, he got the employment card, traveling visa and SS card which were all temporary. I did his resume, applied at jobs for him, encouraged him to go to school for a GED, which he never completed.
He even fell sick and I was there by his side leaving the States and visiting his country helping nurse him back to health. The beginning signs were the buying the plane tickets, meals, free housing and traveling as well as extra curricular activityies. By the time he moved out, I had received the 2 yr. The question is should I keep it or give it to him?
Have since filed for divorce and getting ready to serve him. If this guy is abusing you financially, or even physically? Does he have a plan on paying you back? If NOT then you should ask him questions on what his goals are with you. You should talk to him about his feelings for you…look into his eyes to know if he is saying is TRUE. Have your dad or sibling talk to him alone as well. Give your family a chance to get to know him, so they can give you their opinion.
If the guy is not romantic, and he doesnt seem like he will surprise you with a present or a ring…what kind of fun is that??? You should think twice about your relationship…get second a opinion…marriage can wait for few good years if you plan on seeing this dude. Look for honest, stand up guy…person that will repay you for everything you do for him….
So at the time that we married, although we were living together at a resort, he was officially living with his parents. Now he keeps delaying my meeting his parents. At the same time, he talks about his family at least his mother affectionately and reminds me how important family is. Most of my friends, both American and from other countries, say that if he really loved me he would be proud of me and excited to introduce me to his family. He is Indian but living in the U. This all confuses me as all three of the involved cultures include family in marriage and other important life events.
I wonder if he is using me for money or a green card, even though so far he has paid for everything. The closer we get to the visa being approved, the more worried I get. I have not met a single one of his friends or family members. There is another concern but more personal. I love him, but I am not about to destroy my life or be hurt by someone — and my brain is telling me to back out while I can.
I meet my former wife when I was in H. We dated for 3 years and stay married for 2. We took our sweet time to actually fill out the paper work for immigration almost a full year after we marry and well summit it everything I got my work permit in like 3 month after we turn in the paper work and my greencard about 3 — 6 months later and unfurtunaly about month later we just fell apart fight moreoften then not and the whole works.
But she refuses to do anything. Funny enough although I am not sure if my case goes down to hell she might get found of being an acomplace or something to obtain my greencard and she might end up facing jail time or soemthing. Now I guess what I mean to do here is what do you think? Anyone know of what can I do or any advice?
Can anyone please help me with how to contact the authorities for her being illegal in this country and tried to scam me into the paper marriage!
Jul 22, He's committing marriage fraud to help someone get a green card. really much different than happily dating someone when you're aware that. Feb 29, I recently found myself spending the night in a married man's bed. His wife Before you get out your pitchforks and scarlet letters, there is a green card explanation. Needless to say, I did not end the date at that moment.
I think you really should try to speak to an attorney—divorce attorneys are not always expensive, and even one meeting could be very informative and help you proceed. I am sorry this happened to you. I wish you the very best of luck in putting things back together. Well too late for me,my fiance and I got married already. After 3 years of traveling overseas to see him meet his family and making big plans for the future I find out he was a liar and big time cheater, he planed all to get out of his country and I fell on my face.. After reading this I wish I had seen this website earlier, as I could have saved myself probably 2 months of being used in a relationship.
Thanks for the advice though here. I think if you are planning to wait 5 years, you have nothing to worry about—before that time, it will become very obvious whether your fiance loves you or not! On having nothing in common: I always thought my husband and I had nothing in common—but actually we do. These things are not typically what you think of though—not sports, hobbies, past-times, and things we like. The things we have in common that have really formed a bond for us are family, a tendency to take risks, and a similar idea of how family, home, and jobs should play out in life. Otherwise, we seem to have literally nothing in common.
My husband always got very irritated at me for pushing English. It sounds like you both really like each other! How lucky for you: She is 18 years old. We have been together for over 7 months now. We have many disagreements and arguments because of communication issues and cultural clashes.
My girlfriend studies English and is trying to learn but she never wants to practice. She says she loves me and she would never use someone for a green card. She also told me she plans on returning to Guatemala in a year or two because she misses her family. What could I do to find out for sure? She is a very shy, quiet person and we can be together for hours without talking. She has told me she wants me to go back to her country with her.
She seems to really be into me. What advice do you have for me? Mail will not be published required. Notify me of follow-up comments by email. Notify me of new posts by email. Home About Language Jobs. I Married An Alien. Language Jobs If you are a speaker of a foreign language and looking for employment in the USA, the following links might be helpful: Posted on May 31st, by Writer. He or she asks you for a lot of help pretty early in the relationship. Sure, partners ask for help sometimes. And tried hard to refuse my help and figure out other ways. And he showed NO other signs below—he was attentive and warm always.
He or she tries to rush you into marriage. He or she tries to make you feel guilty for needing time to make a decision.
If you are really suspicious, see how he or she reacts when you insist on marrying in their country in a ceremony attended by their family and friends. This person has lied to you about different things. A liar is a liar and will be dishonest for many reasons, not one. Your friends tell you this person seems rude or seems to be using you.
A healthy partner in love will NOT treat you poorly. But who needs a mean partner regardless?? He or she spends lots of time with friends or family, but barely has any time for you though lots of excuses! Anyone who makes wild promises and gives you too many gifts is suspicious. This person might give you huge compliments one moment, or gifts, especially if you have threatened to leave the relationship. But if the person just wants a greencard, he or she will not want to be with you very often and might act annoyed when you are together.
Why do you always go out with your friends but never with me? Talk about living together in his or her country rather than the US. If your partner gets irritable, angry, or acts completely shocked just because you brought this up, you might have a problem. Just ask to see how your partner reacts. Ask your partner for help in ways he or she can help you and see how he or she responds. If you have a fiance in Russia or China, for example, and you know she has NO money, ask her to send you photographs of places from her childhood—her school, her family, her pets, and so on.
Lose this person no doubt. Woza , on February 22nd, at Kei , on February 17th, at 1: Caution , on September 13th, at Alicita , on May 30th, at 7: Sharon , on May 4th, at Jay , on April 23rd, at Glady , on April 17th, at 4: Maryanne , on March 15th, at 7: Gionni DeRosa , on March 12th, at 8: Marco , on March 5th, at 2: Mia's story , on February 8th, at 4: Justagal , on January 31st, at 1: Kaycee , on January 18th, at 5: Da , on January 16th, at 6: Monica , on January 16th, at Jane , on December 29th, at 7: Janalene , on December 4th, at 9: Nick , on December 4th, at 4: Michelle , on November 29th, at 5: Jennylaira , on November 26th, at 1: Javier , on October 15th, at 5: Tiffany , on October 6th, at Karyn , on September 21st, at 2: Me Three , on September 6th, at 8: Trish , on August 15th, at Angela , on August 14th, at 5: Michael , on August 2nd, at 2: Just me too , on July 15th, at 6: Evelyn , on June 17th, at 3: Frank , on May 20th, at