enter Thankfully, you have a squad of crack commandos at your disposal to help you with that last mission. So this is what the guys who killed Osama do the rest of the year. Meanwhile, you and all the other characters still have to attend high school, because, come on, you're teenagers, and not doing that would be unrealistic. The school scenes are pretty much normal, except one of the teachers is a panda with spectacles and another one is secretly an evil alien hiding under the most inconspicuous disguise ever: So, the current Pope.
In the end, you and the girls team up to fight Evil Space Nazi Pope, and everything goes back to normal. Whether your brain will ever do the same thing remains unclear.
While a relatively obscure video game genre outside Japan, a dating simulator is just that: Not all of them are tame. The dour rich kid, the flirtatious teacher, the bad-boy jock, the mysterious transfer student - they're all here, and they all look like someone grabbed their face and violently pulled downwards. Several other animal-human aberrations somehow end up in your house, too, including a literal Playboy bunny:. How can such successful financial moguls make such terrible financial decisions? In Hatoful Boyfriend, you step into the shoes of a female student at St. In the course of helping each other, you end up falling in love.
In Deiz , you're a high school student going through a normal school day -- or at least, what passes for normal in these games. Depending on your decisions throughout the day, you can end up having an intimate encounter with one of eight possible characters You'll only find out when it's too late.
Pretty sure there's an actual game show with the same premise. The weirdest part of this game is that if you do everything right, it's a standard romantic comedy about a boy with a crush on a girl who is also a critically acclaimed film director, for some reason. But if you mess up, things can go horribly, horribly wrong: For example, in one of the potential endings, you suddenly get kidnapped by a student who has been stalking you, who then proceeds to strip you naked, whip you and mock your unresponsive dong.
If your porn game makes fun of the player for not getting a boner, you're probably doing it wrong. In the game, you have not one but two childhood friends, a guy and a girl, who help you hook up with your crush. However, one of the endings involves your male friend revealing his feelings for you by grabbing your penis, in the most awkward "game over" screen ever.
And if you end up with your female friend, she also makes a move on you with her penis, as demonstrated in a scene where you become the unwitting middle ingredient in a boner sandwich.
It's nice that everyone's happy to see you, we guess. And then there's the ending that combines almost all of the above: You and your friend the one with only one set of genitalia, that is are kidnapped and forced to make a gay porn movie at Taser point. This ending, by the way, was determined by a poll in the creator's DeviantArt page. Really blew the chance to use the word "pole" there. The game is completely free to download , but we're not sure who exactly the target audience here is.
Let's say you give this a shot because you're into secret teenage hermaphrodites: You still run the risk of ending up being whipped by a girl dressed in leather and going " Aw, come on, that shit is just wrong! Unless you share a very specific set of fetishes with the game's creator, this game is bound to produce more awkward moments than boners.
We hope this is admissible in court. In Yume Miru Kusuri: A Drug That Makes You Dream , you control an ordinary high school student who meets a whimsical fairy girl trying to find a way back to her fairyland. In order to help her get back home, first you have to let her acquire some fairy power from your magic mushroom. If you've been paying any attention to this article, you already know that we're talking about sperm. That's just the beginning, though.
After a couple of situations where she more or less forces your character into awkward sex in public places once threatening to rape you with a stick , you discover that she's not really a fairy at all, just a crazy drug addict. The "fairy dust" she keeps talking about that supposedly will return her to the fairyland is actually some sort of dangerous hallucinogen, and your character has to decide whether to try to get her off the drug and push her away or enable her fantasy.
Meanwhile, more really, really inappropriate sex. This is basically Crazy Bipolar Girlfriend: However, the game also gives you the choice to completely ignore the "fairy" who presumably dies from an overdose off-screen and romance two completely normal girls from your school in alternate plots that have nothing to do with drugs. You'd think this part of the game would be less crazy than the one with the drug fairy, but you'd be wrong.
Never, ever underestimate Japan. One of the other girls you can pursue is Aeka, a shy girl constantly tormented by bullies. As the storyline progresses, you help her deal with her personal problems, first with your penis and then by pulling a knife on the girl who bullies her. Once her cronies run away and the bully is no longer a threat, you ditch the knife and start choking her to death for no reason. Japanese anti-bullying campaigns are hardcore. But then Aeka stops you, because what you're doing is wrong -- you should be killing her together. That's right; the end of the game is that you and your romantic interest bond by attempting to murder another student.
After like 10 minutes of this, you let her go Hatoful Boyfriend is a Japanese dating game for people who think that Japanese dating games are way too normal and logical. At least those other games star something resembling humans -- disturbingly young-looking ones, but still. Hatoful Boyfriend follows the exact same tropes, except everyone is a talking pigeon. Talking pigeons that you, a human girl, must date. As usual, the creators have gone out of their way to come up with the most complicated back story possible to justify what was already a bizarre premise.
In this world, bird flu killed off most of humanity and birds became the dominant species. The game takes place at Saint PigeoNation, an academy for gifted birds.
The weird Japanese dating sims that you're about to discover range from innocently wholesome to straight-up disturbing. Ever wanted to date a bug? A printer. We've written up a lot of bizarre Japanese dating sims in the past. There was LovePlus, a game that inspired thousands of men to pledge their.
You control the only human student, a schoolgirl in search of some bird lovin'. Every other character is represented by a photo of a real bird. You're doing this on purpose now, aren't you, Japan? Three common topics in one image: Your potential paramours include a track star obsessed with pudding not only do the birds participate in track, without flying, but they're able to outrun you , a racist aristocrat and a bookworm who turns out to be a ghost.
And then Unchained Melody starts playing, backward, as chanted by dying clowns. But none of their stories contain as much unleaded crazy as that of Shuu, the school's antisocial yet strangely alluring doctor. This man exudes sexuality. At first he's dismissive of you, but if you're persistent, you can take him on a date. He seems to warm up to you after that, because on Christmas Eve he's nice enough to deliver a quill pen and a roast bird dinner to your cave oh right, you live in a cave, for reasons that are never explained.
It's a nice gesture from a -- wait, hang on a second, a quill pen and a roast bird?! The game came out on the PS2 in , but die-hard fans still insist that the original Japanese version is better than the badly translated English version. Muscle March is a game full of homoerotic overtones, machismo and a bunch of really buff, well oiled men — yet it still received an E rating when it was released for the Wii console in In Muscle March , you're a bodybuilder chasing after a thief who has stolen a bottle of the precious protein you've been transporting across the globe.
You give chase through a variety of locations — from city streets to a space station — while overcoming obstacles like a real muscle hero. The Seaman is a fish with a man's face, who you communicate with via microphone. As you learn about the Seaman species, you help him evolve from little more than a parasite to a full blown frogman, with your virtual pet slinging insults and random trivia at you the entire time.
Some people found this virtual pet game to be quite delightful, and quirky enough to keep playing, but most gamers found the lack of action and in-game guidance to be too much to handle. The Katamari Damacy series is probably the most well known of the strange Japanese games that made it to game consoles across the globe. They are beloved by fans of both puzzle and adventure games due to the addictive gameplay. Catherine is totally unique and fun virtual girlfriend gaming, unless you're expecting to do nothing but have pretend sex with a virtual girl.
Catherine is different, because it is a puzzle-platformer game and offers compelling gameplay. Players control Vincent Brooks, a man who begins having bizarre nightmares when his girlfriend Katherine starts talking about marriage. The matter becomes more complicated when he meets Catherine and begins and affair with her. As the nightmares become more intense, the player unlocks different endings and affects Vincent's morality meter, and thereby changes his relationship with the title character. Catherine was released for the Xbox and Playstation 3 consoles in , and features over twenty hours of gameplay, so if you're not currently in a relationship Catherine might be the girl for you!
School Days is a seemingly innocent and typical looking Utomo dating game on the surface, but as you play through the game trying to get girls from your school to like you, things take a very strange turn. There is not much gameplay in School Days — you just make dialog choices and other plot decisions with little control over the character. The game has multiple endings, including a positive one, referred to as the Harem Ending, where you hook up often with all the girls, and multiple bad endings full of murder, rape and suicide.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you wanted to flip a table covered in dishes during dinner? That's the premise of Super Table Flip. You play an angry father who has just received some distressing news and totally loses his mind in anger. The arcade cabinet for Super Table Flip featured what else? Super Table Flip was released in Japanese arcades in Playing it is a great way to relieve stress. The game made its way to arcades in the U. In I'm Sorry , you play a greedy guy who runs around a town maze snatching up gold bricks and avoiding baddies like Michael Jackson, Carl Lewis and Madonna.
I'm Sorry has been compared to Pac-Man in terms of game play, but since American audiences didn't get the Japanese references it didn't do well in arcades. On the surface, Japan World Cup 3 looks like an ordinary horse racing game, but that's where the similarity to the popular sport ends. You don't even have to be a horse to compete in this strange circuit. A Trojan Horse, a Yeti, a walrus and even a steam powered robotic beast that looks like a horse version of MechaGodzilla take to the course competing for the best time.
Fight your way to the top of the pixelated food chain in Cubivore: Survival of the Fittest. You play a fledgling Cubivore trying to work your way up the food chain and grow to gigantic proportions by gobbling up every little cube shaped critter you come across.
Your goal is to mutate into a cubic beast big enough to defeat the Killer Cubivore and restore the essence of the land gobbled up by the big baddie. Japanese boys play a game called Boong-Ga Boong-Ga which involves kancho — a prank where you poke someone in the anus with two fingers.